Cut the shit: 43yo married 17 yrs. 7 months in. 6’2/205/15%. Sidebar complete 1x. Fitness/Mission/finances/social all good. 3 women 7 and up I could close in a few days if I chose to. MAP going fairly well overall, with more ups than downs.

Abstract: I’m a full time design engineer. Wife is part time freelance accountant. My typical work day is 12-13 hours away from home: hour commute each way, hour at the gym in the morning, 8-9 hrs at the office. I also travel quite a bit, at least a week every other month. I’m actually in China writing this now.

Our older kid will be starting college in 4 years, the younger in 8. We live in SF Bay Area with an eye watering cost of living, and are building a mountain house as well (escape hatch for once the kids are gone) It’s all part of the plan, and it going well, but it is fucking EXPENSIVE. Keeping the whole ship afloat requires a sort of insane level of input: organization, logistics, and sheer time on the ground.

Just due to the exigencies of our professions, the wife naturally has control over 99% of the kids and household functions. Shopping, cooking, running the kids around: she basically does it all. I deal with all the house construction/repair type stuff (I’m also a licensed GC) but most of it is on her.

So my question is this: in the context of the “sober captain” metaphor, what are some tips you guys have learned for maintaining a good Captain/FO relationship, given I’m simply not around most of the time? I know my situation is not unique. Hopefully someone has some good pointers.