A year ago I took a chance on something different and shaved my head. One never knows how that will turn out since some people have weird shaped heads. Thankfully, mine looks good. It gave me a great boost of confidence and looks great on stage as well. I’ve maintained that look until a couple months ago when things just took a shit.
Long story short my wife’s MS hit hard and she lost the ability to walk and drive. Quite the emotional upheaval.. I’m used to doing most everything anyway, but now I really had to dig in. Dumping commodes, etc. Wheelchairs and walkers, exhaustion and upset.. I lost my frame a few times, but this is beyond the scope of this post. Maybe I’ll address it later on. I didn’t have the energy to maintain it and let it grow out.
I debated back and forth about keeping it. It was a comfortable look for everyone else.. I looked softer..nicer, but looking in the mirror, I would see me. I would see the same guy who was asleep at the wheel for so many years. The guy who blamed his wife for a lot of the financial trouble we found ourselves in over the years instead of me, who allowed it to happen, who couldn’t say no or stand up, all that shit described in the sidebar.
Now I have a little breathing room in my schedule and hit the gym last night for the first time since the setback. Getting the blood flowing back it feels good. I got up a bit earlier this morning and shaved it all off again. I look in the mirror and smile, feeling glad to be back. Now what I see is the external representation of who I want the guy on the inside to be. My son freaked out.. “oh, no… why did you do it??” I took the opportunity to explain to my kids that they shouldn’t allow other people’s preferences or opinions to dictate your behavior or dictate something as simple as a style. You may have rules at school or a job on certain things, but mainly it’s your own business. Wife was asleep when I left for work, but my son told her all about it so she called me and asked, “why?? Why?? You look so mean.” Etc. I laughed it off because I expected this. Crab buckets, all of them. I’m trying to grab the bananas at the top of the ladder. It’s my head, people.
I didn’t post this because I’m some RP expert.. trust me, I’m still a complete fuck up, but for the folks new to this, making an external change that’s comfortable and looks good on you is the easiest change to make. It also provides good practice in handling all the shit testing that occurs as a result. Go ahead and grow a beard, or shave yours off.. whatever. It’s your own fucking business.