TL; DR: RP truths led to better me, better marriage, but I found myself a plate and don't know what to do with it...

Background: M34, F34, together 12 years, married 9, 3 kids (8y, 5y, 8m). I am quite successful in my line of work, she works only for money and almost as much as me. Been on (M)RP for about two years, stopped video-games, lift, upgraded wardrobe, spend more time outside the house, play guitar in a rock band, recovered from deadbedroom about a year ago. So far so good.

*Disclaimer: wall of text incoming

After discovering TRP, I changed, a lot. Wife, not so much, it was slow but happening. She kept saying she didn't like the "new Me". I kept going and the "new Me" became just Me.

At some point, I was reassessed my marriage, grew a bit distant from my wife for a while, and at the same time, I came closer with a married Female CoWorker I was already in friendly terms with.

I was growing more confident in myself, at ease with teasing girls, and she was the one I spent the most time with, working together like 30 hours a week. Plus, FCW is cute.

Anyway, I ended up with concluding I still had hopes for my marriage. I believed Wife could hop/stay on board and I had confidence I could lead her to change in a way to please me better. I also ended up closer to FCW, occasional lunch/drink by ourselves outside of work.

At the same time, I decided to switch job for an upgrade of money/responsibilities.

These few months were hard at home, wife was thinking I was cheating on her with FCW. I said I wasn't, even though I knew perfectly well I was too close already. Wife was happy to learn I was switching jobs.

When I said I could keep seeing FCW if and when I wanted, shit hit the fan. Wife was late in pregnancy so I didn't press too hard on this issue but I never agreed to break contact with FCW. I held frame about meeting whoever I wanted whenever I wanted, while Wife kept saying I was delusional and have been cluelessly seduced by this evil marriage-breaking bitch. (like it was impossible I was the one seducing her, hu?)

Fast forward to the present day. Body, work and money are better than ever.

Marriage got slightly better. Sex is good if still not as often as I would like, we (finally) tried anal and even though she said she didn't really liked it, we did it once more since. Wife also slightly upgraded wardrobe.

I still see FCW occasionally, we may text often for a couple days then not at all for some. I mostly let her initiate texting but I get to say if/when/where we meet, then I take the lead. Dynamics are me teasing/pushing her, while she enjoy resisting but giving in a little leaning on me, touching, etc. It comes down to teasing, kino, flirting. We are both unwilling to go further as it would damage our marriages. Read : no kissing, no sex, even though we both like each other.

So, here I am, flirting with this girl in secrecy. Part of me don't think too badly of this, yes I like that girl and have a lot of fun with her, yes I like seducing her and really enjoy the power I have over her. I test(ed) a lot a RP stuff on her, and I feel it really helped me progress. And no, I don't think about divorce yet and while I think I could date FCW, no I would not LTR her.

But I am having second thoughts about this, am I not actually destroying my marriage rather than saving it ? What I am doing with FCW will obviously be seen as cheating by some, first of all Wife. While I totally see myself holding frame if were I to be exposed, I don't see Wife understanding, let alone letting it slide.

Am I still BP or losing frame for thinking like that ?

Self-criticism Facts :

  • I am still enjoying if not craving attention from girls, which FCW is providing.
  • I was never a player, here I seduced a cute girl and want to profit.
  • I refrain to fuck her because it would damage my marriage, but am I not already cheating on Wife ?
  • Flirting with plates could be used as dread, but Wife reacted very badly when she learned of FCW and now it's even deeper. I think Wife knows I'm still texting FCW, maybe not that I keep seeing her. Should I come clean with it and see what happens ?
  • Wife could be the hottest girl in my life, but she is slow to adjust while FCW dolls up for me and I like that.
  • Wife occasionally admits I look really good now, but she ain't jumping on me. Meanwhile I see sparkles in FCW's eyes and I like that.
  • FCW is giving me things I lost in my marriage and hope to regain, but Wife is slow to adjust so I use FCW meanwhile.
  • With FCW providing, I felt less frustrated waiting for results at home, so it helped me put less pressure on my wife. Progress is slow but steady since I stopped pressing her too hard.

Thanks for enduring the long read.

Lash out at me now.

EDIT1: Formatting.

EDIT2: For reference, I worked my way up through dread levels over about 2 years. Recovered from deadbedroom to 1-3 times a week. I initiate, she follows, but is still tired a bit too often. I don't feel "wanted" as much as I'd like.