First Shit Test Today, not too phased

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[deleted]
August 18, 2016
6 upvotes

So new to this (6 days) and have started lifting this week and trying to stay on schedule. Also, I play volleyball on Thursdays - so today my wife calls and is just shooting the shit about her day and asks what am I doing, mentioned a few things I did in the morning and said I'm going to lift and then play volleyball tonight - and I thought it was a pretty innocent statement.

She says "oh so I won't see you tonight" - I responded depends how late you'll be up, I'll be back around 11. She blows up and says I don't tell her things and just spring this on her and she thought we could do something tonight - I said well I have to lift and play volleyball, why are you upset?

She gets real quiet, holding back tears, I can hear it - BP me would have said its ok, I'll do volleyball next week, let's do something. But I just stayed quiet too, after about 10 seconds I said should I just let you go, she was like ya - oh and I offered (before the argument) to get her dinner before I leave and she was like "AND DONT GET ME DINNER". No problem, one less thing on my plate.

I see the manipulation now, indeed - my question is that I know she'll want to talk about this, prob tonight as I crawl into bed - I'm thinking of owning it, yes I didn't give you notice, I'll do that going forward and say nothing else? That sound right?


Post Information
Title First Shit Test Today, not too phased
Author
Upvotes 6
Comments 14
Date 18 August 2016 07:57 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207225
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4yeegw/first_shit_test_today_not_too_phased/
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Comments

[–]Alpha_Rising5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

You're only six days into this. If you're adding activities to your schedule and she doesn't know about them, I'm not surprised she's butthurt. I like to know when my wife has other activities planned so I can plan activities of my own at the same time, and vice versa. It's common courtesy. So I wouldn't look at this as a shit test. More like you didn't give her notice, which is a breach of common courtesy, and she got butthurt.

I think the Golden Rule is a good way of distinguishing between a shit test and a legitimate gripe. If she did what you did, would you be miffed? If the answer is yes, then it's your bad and not a shit test.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks for the perspective - and I like ur golden rule. I guess the lifting threw her off, I always play volleyball on Thursdays so that not new.

I thought it was on me not to give notice - that's why in my original post I said I would own it, I recognize that - but I still think it was a bit of an overreaction, I wouldn't be upset, I'd just say ok, next time a little notice would be nice but have fun.

[–]weakandsensitive1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I thought it was on me not to give notice

Don't be a retard. Seriously. Keep that rule in your head.

It's on you to not let yourself be guilt tripped.

[–]CountpudyoolaMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

so today my wife calls and is just shooting the shit about her day and asks what am I doing

Start dialing back anything she could be doing with a girlfriend.

I see my coworkers answer the damn phone every time their wife calls to ask X or talk about X or because she can't wipe her ass without discussing how it went. CUT IT OUT.

If you're answering the phone to calls of "Hey, Whatcha doin?" You are slowly helping to weave and tie the noose around your scrotum.

BE LESS AVAILABLE FOR THIS TYPE OF QUANTITY TIME.

Note, if you avoided this mess of a conversation in the first place there'd be no time to dial it up out of quantity boredom.

She calls...

it goes to vm.

She not leave one? Don't call back.

She leave one just saying "Hey call me back"

Text back about 20 minutes later: "Got your vm, in a meeting, you need something?"

Texts are for information exchange only. And only one or two back and forth. And nothing complicated.

I'm thinking of owning it, yes I didn't give you notice, I'll do that going forward and say nothing else? That sound right?

Act like none of this b.s. happened in the first place.

She try to start some convo when you get home in bed?

"No talky now. Time for sleepy." Ignore. The only way to kill this type of behavior is with a vacuum. Slowly suck it away with lack of responding to it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the tip, I'll do that. Interestingly enough, she had called twice, the first time I was on another call and she explicitly called it out, 'I called you earlier, you didn't call me back, did you get the missed call' - I said I was busy, what's up.

I have been too available, BP thinking, I thought I was supposed to be her best friend and always be there, ugh. This is gonna be tough, I didn't get shit tested until today and was thinking what are all these guys talking about, lol - but I am the oak, and the captain -

Someone's post, I can't recall who's, always gives me inspiration. It was something along the lines of 'she'll throw a shit hurricane all around you, screaming winds and waves hitting you from every side, but you are the oak, steadfast, the captain, you cannot be moved (how I remember it anyways :-)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

TLDR: wife pulled me into her frame, I caught myself and tried to pull back. She was pissed but I initiated sex and she orgasmed after being mad all night and morning?!?

So I wanted provide an update, cause I always like when people update to see how it turns out, but I feel like I let myself down.

I get home and she's sleeping and I crawl into bed and give her a little kiss on the shoulder (i still love her a lot so and I wasn't mad so I didn't feel a need to be cold towards her) and rolled over to go to bed. I hear her crying under the blanket, she's trying to be quiet about it but I hear it. I let her go on for about 5 minutes without doing anything hoping that she would stop, but it was getting worse.

So I rolled her over and told her to come lay on my chest (felt Alpha to me, to hold her securely) but I didn't apologize for try to start a conversation - just comforted her by holding her and petting her hair a bit until she fell asleep 10 minutes later.

Wake up this morning, showered and went to wake her up, she's still crying, so I comforted her a little by holding her, got turned on, initiated and had sex - I could tell she didn't want to enjoy it but she did cum and tried to do it quietly - it's so confusing, she seemed so upset but wanted to have sex and orgasmed?!??

She went to shower and then this is when it all started to go wrong, she gets out and is still crying and I could feel myself doing the wrong thing - I could feel myself breaking frame and getting pulled into hers and I couldn't stop (damn BP ingrained) - I told her don't be upset and she let it all out, and it was more than just the going out.

She said I feel like you've been acting weird the last few days, you don't answer my emails when ur doing nothing (which is true cause I'm slow at work right now, you don't return my phone calls and you decided to go workout and lift at night when you could have done that all day so we could spend some time together.

Now I know I should have just STFU and walked away but fuck it, I was in her frame now, I could feel it and I defended the phone calls cause I was trying to sort out another mess and was busy, I explained that and then caught myself - and just ignored her other complaints. In the past I would have been pleading to explain my side but I said that piece, caught myself and gave her a hug and walked away.

She came down a little later and seemed much better, prob bc I was pulled into her frame - I pissed at myself, I should have been stronger, I have a long way to go :-(

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's cool you're standing up for yourself finally. It'll take her a while do get used to a guy who has hobbies and isn't her emotional tampon. She's late 30s right? She may never get used to the idea that you're a man with a life that doesn't always involve her. Also, make sure you do some fun stuff around her. Show her that your time is valuable and if she's pleasant, be awesome around her. Make sure you're someone she (and everyone) wants to be around

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I see the manipulation now, indeed - my question is that I know she'll want to talk about this, prob tonight as I crawl into bed - I'm thinking of owning it, yes I didn't give you notice, I'll do that going forward and say nothing else? That sound right?

Do you really want to waste time talking about this?

[–]DrPillPopperMD0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Changed my username - previous had identifying info in it...and I'm going to tell my brother about MRP, cause he's miserable and beta as fuck - he may not swallow but I'll have done my job as a brother.

I know ur not supposed to talk about this with others but it can help him, tremendously and I know if he doesn't swallow, he won't say anything about it to anyone - I feel very Morpheus.

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

[–]DrPillPopperMD0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Excellent article, I especially liked the second one. It helps explain frame in a way that can understand - not so much about control as it is about unwavering dedication to ur best interest bc you genuinely believe that your super awesome.

Thanks!

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

i think you'll be alright. you're gonna have ups and downs. but you're putting in the work.

one of the things guys have said to clue in their wife is "i reflect on myself the other day. i'm not happy with where i am. i've been putting in the effort to become a better man."

one thing i like about you is you've been consistently making a ton of "I" statements.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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