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How to encourage my Captain

Reddit View
April 23, 2016

Hi guys. I've been lurking for a while now. About a year ago, I had kind of a meltdown over being responsible for everything in our household. I told him I really wanted him to be the leader for us. I worked really hard on submitting to him on decisions, began asking his advice more and making a stronger effort to always respect him in front of the kids. (Not that I'm some evil bitch, but I now see that disagreeing with him about discipline in front of them was really wrong of me.).

Well, so it was working well for a few months. But for the past 6 months or so, he's been sliding back into "little boy" mode. I know it sounds harsh but he literally stays glued to the couch until I make him get up and be useful. He works from home and is self employed, so I even have to tell him to go work! I try saying, "What's the schedule today?" and whatnot, but he just shrugs and bounces it back to me. He's not depressed or anything, and he does sometimes get things done around the house (car stuff, home repairs, etc) but only if I have nagged him for a few days to a few weeks. I don't want to be his mother anymore! He claims to hate it when I boss him around, but he literally will not initiate anything in his life. He gets angry whenever he is prodded into action by me, but he won't do anything if I don't prod. (Including work. He worked about 6 hours one week when I tried not saying anything to him.)

He is a great guy and I know he wants to make me happy, but I've had the "Please step up so I am not having major anxiety over being in charge of everything" talk several times. He tries for a while and then forgets.

How can I point him in the right direction? He read MMSLP because I gave it to him lol and it has helped our sex life some. From reading here, I feel he has a lot of covert contracts and some passive aggressive stuff going on sometimes. But I would rather he do one thing of his own volition than three things because I nagged him. I always submit to him whenever I have the opportunity, but when I ask his opinion he immediately says, "I dunno. What do you want to do?". I understand that I play a part in this and I am eager to hear any advice you have about my behavior as well. Thanks.

EDIT: Is there anything specific he should read to help him be less passive? I know i am topping from the bottom as you put it UEMcGill haha. I know it's my own fault for disagreeing with him so much over the years, which makes me feel awful. Now I am working really hard to not push against him at all, but at the slightest hint of me saying " Have you considered option X?" and he agrees and swallows his own preferences and goes with option X. It's so frustrating!

Post Information
Title How to encourage my Captain
Author GavrielletheMrs
Upvotes 6
Comments 20
Date 23 April 2016 04:46 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
Similar Posts

[–]GC0W30Fat, needs discipline3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

I would get his ass to a doctor and maybe a shrink.

Any small business owner who only works 6 hours a week is physically or mentally ill.

Either that, or he has a bunch of employees under him and some of them are actually managers.

Get his ass help.

[–]GavrielletheMrs[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

He's an engineer and started doing contract work when he got laid off a few years ago. So he has from a few weeks to a few months to finish a project.

[–]GavrielletheMrs[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Can men have hormone problems? I always get less motivated at certain times of the month. He just seems so ridiculously mellow lately. Happy, not tired, just way too unmotivated. (And no he's not high lol)

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

I'd also ask this on /r/redpillwives

[–]GavrielletheMrs[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I tried to, but they removed it and let me know that posting was for active members only. I made this screen name just to ask this question anonymously though lol.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Are you subscribed to the sub? Have you posted there before? They may have your account in moderation.

[–]Bea_Noemi0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Send one of the admins a PM with your question. I'd also suggest the original RedPillWomen sub.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

might be a lost cause.


He has to want it, unfortunately, you may have to scare him into seeing it. Kind of sucks for your long term relationship though.

[–]GavrielletheMrs[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I am emailing him that link as we speak. Thanks! I know he wants to stay married, and he tries to make me happy.... But it's like being served spaghetti when I thought I ordered the salmon lol. I end up full but unsatisfied.

[–]Spaghetti_Robotti1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

(ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง

[–]GavrielletheMrs[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Hmm, in BDSM what you are doing is topping form the bottom. You're like "tie me up and fuck me!" So he does, and then when the scene is over, he reverts back to being the bottom.

You ask him when he's going to work, you tell him to be in charge, and he does to some extent, only when you tell him. Ironically you're still being a controlling wife, just in the guise of being submissive.

The redpill is said to be a praexology. It's a practical exercise in sex in marriage. It's also voluntary. Until your husband wants it or grasps it, you can't make him do it. Just like you can't make a woman bend to your will. Not everyone's a born leader.

Tell your husband your needs, if he can meet them great if not, and you stay that's your issue. Is it worth the price of admission?

[–]GavrielletheMrs[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, I see exactly what you mean. He was very independent when we first got together. He's 8 years older than me, so he had lived on his own for years, no family in town, etc. We have kids and leaving is his not an option for me. :-/ Is it best to just not control him at all? Is that manipulative if he knows what I need from him? I don't want to be dishonest.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

he's been sliding back into "little boy" mode.

Oh Hell No!

Read First Kill All the Marriage Counselors and The Surrendered Wife.

Send him this link: Hey Dude, got a minute

[–]GavrielletheMrs[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you, I will read both of those and send him the link. Sometimes being like "here, read this" works better anyway. It's less confrontational when it's an email.

[–]SexistFlyingPig0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It sucks when your guy actually believes the feminist manifesto.

[–]GavrielletheMrs[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, I really struggled with wanting to submit to him. I felt like I was betraying womankind somehow. He actually changed over the years to be a "better" husband, and I feel awful being like, "can you be my bossy, know it all bf again please?".

[–]JuniperSunshineSomebody's wife0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This website in general and this page in particular really helped me:

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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