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Dread possibly working

Reddit View
March 25, 2016
6 upvotes

Been running MAP for three months.

In the last month, I joined a gym instead of lifting outside, started meditating, visiting counselor(solo) about my codependency(oneitis), started fishing again once a week and continued to take care of things at home. Teasing her on the daily and she loves it.

While my SMV is at an all time high, sex isn't there and all of the rejections are rain checks, which we all know are meaningless and non binding. Also, at one point I was getting on her nerves in the bedroom by messing with her hair, and she said "you keep that up and I'll extend your sentence". I said what sentence? "Me holding out sex from you". I told her that was the dumbest thing I've ever heard, rolled over and went to sleep. I haven't initiated since.

Anyway, the dread is starting to get to my wife, in the last two weeks, she ran a jealousy play for a couple days on me where I never took the bait, started to talk like she thought she was pregnant, she wanted to know if I'd like that, which I said not at the moment and left it at that. (she was inquiring if I wanted another because she wants one, a month ago she didn't). And she really pressed hard about getting a dog, which I have shut down without wavering.

On top of that a random girl in my office building gave me her number, in which I laughed off to my wife. She's been noticeably more interested in me since.

Middle of shark week. She came to me the other night and put her head on my chest and just laid there, eventually asking me "Is the reason you don't want a kid and a dog because you're going to ask me for a divorce?" I didn't reply. She asked again, the tone was filled with insecurity, so I kissed her on the forehead, held her and said "no".

Still on her period, today she text asks me what the plans are tonight. I told her I'm going fishing after work. (Her mom and grandma are in town and I'd prefer to avoid)

Her: "Thanks for asking me before you made plans"

Her: "We need to have a talk when you get home" (making demands, proper response?)

Looks like things could be coming to a head. She knows I want sex and she's once a monthing me as it is, I've began to care less about getting it when she turns me down thanks to my improvement on letting go of trying to control the outcome.

What's the play here?


Post Information
Title Dread possibly working
Author RPStruggle
Upvotes 6
Comments 21
Date 25 March 2016 05:10 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207566
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4bxcrk/dread_possibly_working/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
MAPdread gamesexual market valuelift
Comments

[–]RedDreadWolverine6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy

If my wife talked about "extending my sentence" I'd tell her maybe I need to bust out and find a better looking warden.

And we need to talk is met with, "talk to yourself then, I'm out." followed by me doing whatever I want for the rest of the day.

Don't let her rattle you newbie.

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

The "extending your sentence" comment would be a hard thing to forget. Wow.

[–]RedDreadWolverine5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

She's just making sounds with her mouth hoping one of them Spooks you

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

I was thinking that she's weaponizing sex in a very literal way - it's literally a punishment.

But I think maybe I like your way of thinking about it better. It's all bullshit anyway, just keep moving ahead.

[–]RedDreadWolverine2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

But you use the same tactic on her. When she doesn't meet your standards she doesn't get "access" to you. The key here is you have to actually have standards and see your value. You have to realize she in reality needs your validation more then you need her vagina. But for your validation to be worth a shit, you need to stop seeking validation from anyone but yourself.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

I disagree with your frame of it. While it's the professors book, so I'd defer to him, I look at dread like this:

A deliberate set of steps that allow you to build value and attract high value people to you, while at the same time, doing it in a slow enough manner to allow those already in your life time to catch up.

There is no play, it's not a parlor trick. Beacuse if it is, all it takes is a temper tantrum, tears, or shaming to send the whole house of cards crumbling.

a few things to read over that may help

we need to talk

frame

The main event.

If you have something specific, please ask.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I will second this, and add my 2 cents.

Often the early stages of dread will yield what seems like big gains.

In my case (see my first post) I was so hungry that I thought that the attention I got was the beginning of a lasting CHANGE in her behavior, due to dread. NO FUCKING WAY.

Dread is not a quick fix. Not a parlor trick to restart your sex life.

Don't forget it is a long series of steps of SELF IMPROVEMENT for you. Not a game on her.

[–]RPStruggle[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Those links are very helpful. Thanks.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't stop at those, let your mind go down the RM rabbit hole. You will come out a changed man.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I was getting on her nerves in the bedroom by messing with her hair, and she said "you keep that up and I'll extend your sentence". I said what sentence? "Me holding out sex from you". I told her that was the dumbest thing I've ever heard, rolled over and went to sleep. I haven't initiated since.

Running Dread and not initiating with your wife? What could possibly go wrong? You should initiate when you want sex! It is a terrible idea to throw Dread in your wife's face and not initiate. The idea is that you have options BUT YOU CHOOSE HER. You need to lead this in a direction of reconciliation and away from the extending your sentence thing.

Have to admit, that would have triggered me so I understand how you feel but it was a simple Shit Test. You failed. Now go pass the next one and lead your family to a better place.

btw: Her getting overt and direct with you was her final ploy. Women communicate covertly. When she becomes overt she is playing her very last card. You were very close to winning this one! If you had laughed in her face, taken her in your arms and thrown her down and had sex with her right then, everything would have changed. Instead, you got butthurt (again, I understand!!!) so you just need to try again.

[–]RPStruggle[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks BPP, you've got me motivated. I get too hard on myself when I run into setbacks and pull back.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

On the flip side :

Her : "Insert weaponized sex statement here"

Male that has value : "Really, you're funny" pulls out phone calls number " Hey babe, Ill be able to meet you after all"

What's she gonna do, get upset?

[–]Riding_Officer_CCI1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Her: "We need to have a talk when you get home"

Picture a petulant six year old girl telling you that. Respond accordingly.

[–]Riding_Officer_CCI0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Having thought about my response, I think I done thunk too much.

When faced with those two, in a text, the following flow chart applies:

Is she texting about logistics?

if yes -> reply appropriately

If no -> ignore

Is she pixting you a shot of her bosom?

If yes -> birthday cat emoji (h/t Chateau)

If no -> ignore

Her text # 1 = passive aggressive fishing. Level 3 cuntiness Her text # 2 = doubling down, trying to get you to break frame and beg for forgiveness/supplicate in some way. Level 5.

How do I know you're on the right track? "I told her I was going fishing"

You're doing it right. A commander tells his subordinates of his intent/plan, listens should they have an objection, but makes his own decision.

Her objection in this case is invalid. She is not objecting to the decision itself. That would go like: "I'm going fishing after work" "Honey, the dogs eaten something wierd, has puked under the table and shat up the cooker. Can you take him to the vet, because the baby is going apeshit and I puked on myself when I tried to clean it up"

(Specific...right? My dog is a Labrador/springer cross- this was six weeks ago)

She is reacting to the change in the relationship's dynamic, because you didn't ask her permission, but told her the plan.

Remember, you get more flak when you're over the target...

[–]RPStruggle[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I was breaking the logistics only(texting less in general though) rule previous to the "I'm going fishing" text but it's interesting how her and I are teasing each other through text until I tell her I'm going fishing. I bring that up due to your comment about her being passive aggressive.

Thanks for the advice.

[–]Riding_Officer_CCI2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Because as you're teasing (which is OK by text), she believes she has 'hand,' - specially if you were being overtly sexual. As soon as you tell her you've made a plan without asking her, the cards are revealed and she has a fistful of shit.

My darling bride has a premier instructor in passive aggression from the MIL, and it's taken me a long time to strategise a way out of it.

Yours may or may not be like that generally- but that text sure as hell is PA.

Text: "thanks for asking me before you made plans"

Subtext: "I still expect you to ask my permission before you make a plan, and by not doing so you have angered me. Apologise"

Of course, most Males can receive and understand the subtext, but they've been taught all their lives to pay it heed. Hence a 50% divorce rate.

Young men need to be taught that this here is a game, and it has rules like any other. Subtext says she wants you to apologise, but should you do so, you lose the game. She is testing your strength of character (frame), that's all.

[–]RPStruggle[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great insight. Her mom is very PA and will go crying apeshit randomly towards my wife if she's doesn't feel like she's getting her way.

[–]RPStruggle[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's a great way to look at it, considering my daughter is that age I'll think of it as I'm interacting with her.

[–]Redneck001Red Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I'd nuke that holding out shit and the "we need to have a talk".

[–]RPStruggle[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

How would you go about nuking it? I see it happening again.

[–]Redneck001Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Her and the holding out thing:

"You want to try that again? Use your adult words. You don't want sex? Just say no, and I'll go along about my business." Then I'd withdraw attention. I'd probably leave the house for a few hours.

She's going to say she was "just joking" or something when I return (or the next day). I'd STFU, and go on about my business until I wanted to initiate sex again. And I'd work on gaming her first.

Her: "We need to talk."

"Who do you think you're talking to?" You're a grown man, you need to be respectful of your wife and let her know if you're going to be late, or if your plans have changed. But you sure as fuck don't need permission or a scolding from mommy.

We tell guys to take it slow. But at some point, you have to respect yourself enough to stand up for yourself.

I just don't allow disrespect. My wife can say yes or no to sex, but she's going to act like an adult when she does. Or she gets no attention and affection from me. And she sure as hell isn't going to berate me for going fishing.



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