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Thanks and Progress Report

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March 20, 2016
9 upvotes

Hello gentlemen, I've never introduced myself so I'd like to do so now. I'm a 25yo veteran, married to my high-school sweetheart for 8 years in July. After we moved in together and had our first of two kids, the shit-testing and the downward slide of our sex life started.

In 2012 while we were living apart after my deployment (it didn't make sense to move her out for 4 months) I openly cheated on her several times, and I believe she cheated although she never confessed to it.

I started MRP about a year ago, and it was tremendously slow-going. I was going to school on military benefits and not working, so I felt completely useless and emasculated. When I started implementing MRP, I didn't get results until I started dressing up and going out on my own when my wife was a bitch.

Now, I've started a new high-paying job with plenty of potential and a new sense of a mission in my life. I run my home like it is my castle, and my wife is finally following along of her own accord. She's started making lunch for me, ironing my clothes, and all the other "domestic wife" things I never would have imagined her doing without my asking.

And the really amazing part is... I've never seen her happier.

The cheating will always be in our pasts, and there's nothing that can be done about it. Many on MRP believe that cheating is the end of the relationship, but with young kids and the possibility of a devastating divorce I figured giving it a year was worth it. And it was. She has never appeared to be more dedicated and loyal to me and my mission.

Yesterday after a daytime quickie (I come home for "lunch" a few days a week) she completely surprised me by apologizing for not having been enthusiastic when having sex, and reciting a list of things she had in mind. I winked, smacked her ass, and said "then I guess I'll see" before heading back to work.

My lifts aren't where I want them, and my wardrobe doesn't include everything I'd like. I still need to work on game, and how to more aptly apply AA & AM. The most awesome version of myself is starting to show through, and I'm both excited and anxious for the continuing improvement process.

Thanks for everything MRP; now that I've applied the strategy and introduced myself here on AskMRP, I'd like to spend time answering and helping to guide other men on their journey. Teaching, I have found, is always the best way to learn.

Gator


Post Information
Title Thanks and Progress Report
Author Alpha-Gator
Upvotes 9
Comments 15
Date 20 March 2016 11:43 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207580
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4b9ws7/thanks_and_progress_report/
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Comments

[–]cj_aubreyRed Beret6 points7 points  (12 children) | Copy

Firstly, nice work. That sounds like some solid progress.

The cheating will always be in our pasts, and there's nothing that can be done about it. Many on MRP believe that cheating is the end of the relationship, but with young kids and the possibility of a devastating divorce I figured giving it a year was worth it.

There is some nuance to this. I don't think anyone here thinks male cheating is the end of a relationship and in some circumstances (casual relationship and high SMV other woman) could be DHV. However, if she cheated, you know it, she knows that you know it (like if she confessed or was caught), and then you take her back, that can be such a strong DLV on your part that she may not ever be able to be attracted to you again even if you can get over it. But that doesn't sound like your situation. If you think she may have cheated but there is plausible deniability, that's not necessarily the end of the relationship, especially with kids. I've also been with my wife since we were very young, we've had times apart and I'm pretty sure she's fooled around at some point. If I had any evidence, I'd be gone immediately due to the general principle and because anything else would be such a strong DLV. But really, I don't give a fuck what she does and life is short. I think the real risk with women cheating is that the excitement (AF) they get from it marginalizes their attraction to you and this causes long term problems. But that doesn't sound like your situation.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (11 children) | Copy

Yes. Agree. A definite up vote on this.

In particular this part:

If you think she may have cheated but there is plausible deniability, that's not necessarily the end of the relationship

When you add this to OP's other statement:

I openly cheated on her several times, and I believe she cheated although she never confessed to it.

This is optimal DHV for you, again, as long as she can keep her denial believable. I absolutely DO NOT believe the idea that once a cheater always a cheater. Cheating is almost always situational. Someone can be a cheater for years, then never cheat again.

Strong results so far.

[–]Alpha-Gator[S] 0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

You're both absolutely right. When I was deployed she was bitchy and overbearing, and I screwed around to make a point. I believe there are two times she may have cheated: once while I was screwing around although she never used it as ammo, and once while I was a blue pill bitch and I could never prove it.

I'm not as forgiving in that life is short, but I agree that there's no point in digging into something. On the other hand, if evidence came to light I would act on that as well. She has no idea I was ever suspicious, but I told her that if I caught her cheating on me (as her friend recently had), that would be the end no questions asked. She argued that my own history didn't really support that conviction, and I laughed and said I simply didn't care.

To me the important part is that I know I am more than capable of securing plates to replace her, and that as long as she adds value (or seems to be consciously working on improvement) I am happy to have her on my ship.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy

I told her that if I caught her cheating on me (as her friend recently had), that would be the end no questions asked.

You have laid it out for her. She knows if she ever confesses to cheating in the past, it is over. In a way you have given her an exit strategy, or what u/Bogeyd6 calls a path of retreat. Makes sense to me.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

I wrote that gilded post sometime ago. Maybe one of the few posts that was truly written direct from my heart. In his instance, the past has wrongs on both sides. Depending on what he wants, and it certainly sounds like a marriage. There is a time in a man's life where the past must simply be the past. I only say this because the belligerents in this marriage have both committed war crimes. The beta move is to keep rehashing them over and over. What to do when she lied when she could have come clean, years later. That's another story altogether.

Relevant Sun Tzu quotes since I am on a roll and are relevant to the issue at hand.

  • Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt.
  • Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win
  • There is no instance of a nation benefitting from prolonged warfare.
  • The most relevant quote: If you wait by the river long enough, the bodies of your enemies will float by.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

Please give OP a link to your post. (nice formatting, I need to learn some of this..)

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

if you use chrome or firefox, get the reddit enhancement suite. makes life on reddit so much easier.

[–]Alpha-Gator[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

I actually will start using that add on, I have problems with formatting as well.

As it were, I recently finished a rereading of both Art of War and Meditations after which it all finally clicked. It was at some point about a month ago, and it's bizarre that I can't quite put my finger on when the red pill finally went down.

I see no sense in worrying about it since, as theultimatecad said, her cheating was my fault. In the meantime I keep my voice quiet and my plans even more so.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

The cheating was not your fault. You arent that important. When a spouse cheats, its for their reasons, and sometimes you just have realize they are shitty people.

[–]Alpha-Gator[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Fair enough, but isn't the logic that if I were owning my shit the cheating wouldn't have happened? Granted, her decisions are her own, but I fueled her imperative by acting like a puss-cake

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sending your kids to a shitty life where they are raised by a single mother because of her cheating that was largely your fault is a bad move.

Fix your life and marriage and its unlikely you will have a problem.

[–]Alpha-Gator[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The mantra has been, "it has always been my fault."

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Whenever we get a successful field report like this they ALWAYS include the lifting regimen. Whenever we get a "divorce is nigh" field report we always get "I am in great shape blah blah" and I always think: "Dude, do you even lift?

Weird.

[–]Alpha-Gator[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I noticed about six months ago that in every phase of my life, if I was lifting I was happy. Since then the motivation to continue came easily, and it was no longer some kind of self-flagellation. New guys want to skimp on the lifting, but it is truly and literally the cornerstone of everything taught here.



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