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How to deal with anti-depressants/anxiety meds (SSRIs)

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[deleted]
February 11, 2016
7 upvotes

[deleted]


Post Information
Title How to deal with anti-depressants/anxiety meds (SSRIs)
Author
Upvotes 7
Comments 14
Date 11 February 2016 07:20 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207671
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/45ajay/how_to_deal_with_antidepressantsanxiety_meds_ssris/
Similar Posts
Comments

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'm a Beta by nature but working hard to up the Alpha.

You're a dude who repressed his masculinity in order to fit into the role the female imperative created for you. Now, you're looking to reclaim your masculine nature and assume the identity that was stolen from you so long ago, that role of being a Man.

My problem is somewhat unique in that my wife, because she is on anti-depressants/anxiety meds, has zero interest in sex

This is not unique, it is another variable you need to work around.

but is being pissy about it alone ok?

This is where I want to just say you're being a faggot, but I won't because A) You're new and B) You won't grow from that so you know what I'm thinking but here is what I will say.

When we say, Don't be butthurt we aren't saying Don't act Butthurt. We mean it, do not be butthurt about it as it shouldn't phase you.

You are a man, if your wife is depressed, then you need to recognize that you're dealing with damaged goods.

Are you in shape? Are you limitlessly confident? Do you still flirt and game your wife? Has her depression made you depressed?

You went from once a month to once a week, have you rewarded her for taking action when you brought the subject up? Again, this chick showed effort and followed your request, no need to punish, just keep gaming her.

Side note, why is she depressed? Was it due to an event/you being a shitty husband/etc.? That will play a role too. If you can address the root cause and work together to get her over it, then you can remove the meds in place of more 'natural' cures that will get her out of the numb fog of drugs.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'll say it.

OP you're a whiny fucking faggot.

[–]FF_in_MN0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Tough words, but I would expect nothing less from the help here. Thanks.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

My problem is somewhat unique in that my wife, because she is on anti-depressants/anxiety meds, has zero interest in sex.

FULL STOP. YOU ARE NOT UNIQUE. neither is she , neither is this situation.

Stop being a victim.

Realize that you probably do not provide the serotonin release she needs to feel happy. Thats your job as a man.

It isn't an excuse,

Yes it is

I've seen the meds and done the research myself on it, low to no sexual desire is a side effect.

Of course it is. It is also a symptom of depression , and of a thousand and one other things.

As well as pretty much unable to give any non-sexual affection.

She is unwilling , not unable. She is not willing to provide you with even the fiction of affection.

It makes her "senses" very dulled.

She does not want to feel the bitterness and resentment towards her beta male that she does.

Here is a little story. I was on meds for a while that were making me "Dull" and unaffectionate. Seriously. Not for depression but in the same class. Was moody, sleep walking, not able to fuck like i wanted to, and had little to no desire, etc. Beta days.

I cared about my wife, and myself enough to change meds, and although in some ways I suffer more because of it, I was able to be more "present" without medical side effects... oh and I wanted to fuck again... like overnight.

Therefore she can try to do something about it. Thats on her. Your job is to lead her there. Lots of posts on that.

As far as unable to give non sexual affection, BS. Its not that hard, she doesn't have to self lubricate to hug you .

Therefore, she doesn't want to give you that affection.

Mine had a similar thing happen, on antidepressants , etc etc, just didn't feel right, etc etc . I was eventually able to lead her to a point where she gets her seratonin and norepinephrine from me. NO far fewer issues.

The advice is not different. She is still a woman. You are still a man. Wifeing up a girl on antidepressants was a mistake, and you are not the victim, its your mistake. If she wasn't on them before, and she is on them now, it is very simply your fault.

So, what do? Nothing in the prescription is different. Develop a Mindful Attraction Plan, Make yourself a more masculine male, set concrete goals, own your shit, and truck on, modify as needed.

One thing I did to help with my wife's depression was reflect on what I was doing about it, what I could do to not contribute by being uninspiring, and what I could do to led her to a place where chemicals balanced out-- even if it meant taking her to a doctor.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

As far as unable to give non sexual affection, BS. Its not that hard, she doesn't have to self lubricate to hug you . Therefore, she doesn't want to give you that affection.

OP, this is the key point. You still seem to think that sex is the problem. The problems here are much bigger than SSRI effects on libido. She doesn't find you appealing, and not just in a sexual way. Depression might be part of it, but I wouldn't count on it. Are women hitting on you regularly? If not, then you're the problem.
 
Get reading. WISNIFG and MAP are next, buddy. Get lifting. /r/weightroom is a good place to start.

[–]RPAlternate42Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ignore the drugs. Ignore the fact that you are married; if you started seeing this woman regularly, as in dating, would her lack of affection and sexual desire be. Deal breaker for you?

Be honest. Don't answer with "but what if she told me..." Or any other rationalization, answer directly: "would you continue dating a girl who had zero interest in sex with you?"

I know the answer: it's "NO."

So then you can only change you. Are you big enough? Are you strong enough? Are you physically appealing enough and are you dressing well? Are you arguing with her and pleading with her about your feelings and needs? (Stop that shit.). Do you have proper OI and are you cultivating your abundance mentality? Are you obtaining passive dread?

You need to fix you. Once you are confident that she should be doing all the things you want (you'll know when you find other women are willing to) but she still isn't... Then it's time to cut the cord or simply find girlfriend(s) outside the marriage. If your wife isn't willing to provide you with what you want when you deserve it, then she can't expect you to hang around in that marriage because she wouldn't hang around if you lost your job and laid around on the couch because you were on SSRIs.

Once you are deemed fuckable by other women and shit tests and comfort tests are being handled, then the fault lies on your wife and there are solutions to that problem.

The drugs are her crutch and your excuse to rationalize yourself out of proper improvement. It's also an excuse for her to play victim and for you to play hero; "how evil of me to divorce my wife when she wont fuck me because SSRIs... Tru wuv is more than that!"

I'll tell you what tru wuv isn't: living in a marriage where you aren't happy.

[–]enfier1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why are you even still around the house? You should be at the gym, playing sports, enjoying your hobbies, hanging out with friends. There's literally zero upside to being at your house right now - you can drop by to sleep and get your once a week duty sex.

The real advantage you have is that things couldn't be worse. You can get not laid on your own without dealing with your wife moping around the house. There's just no incentive to putting effort into your relationship.

You should be putting that effort into improving your own life. At some point your wife is going to figure out that if she wants you around she's going to need to make home a place you actually want to be. Plus, without you around to annoy her she might actually find she misses you.

Don't go stomping mad out of your house and not come back, just start executing the slow fade to rarely being around the house.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

SSRI is supposed to give some room for the real therapy to begin. if she's hooked on the foggy, and taking it to avoid, then she purposefully sabotaging her sex life and mental health.

up to you whether you are there to help or not, but like a victim puke in here, if the guy isn't willing to start reading the sidebar, theres not much else you can do

[–]MRPguy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What do you want from this relationship? Do you want to stay together? Are you looking for us to give you an out?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

We're not doctors and, even if we were, would you trust us when it comes to medical advice? Shit, I hope not.

She's on SSRIs- is she getting therapy or counseling or working through the reason she's on them? If not, make that happen.

Would other women be attracted to you? Do you lift almost every day? Are you interesting? Do you own your actions and decisions?

is being pissy about it alone ok?

Why are you pissy about it? You already told us her excuse for not finding you attractive- the drugs. Personally, I don't buy into that. I think you're probably a lump that's still half assing things. If you're still getting pissy about not getting sex then you have quite a bit of work to do on yourself first. Your happiness is still too wrapped up in what your wife doles out to you. You can't control your wife so why get emotional and pissy about what she says or does? Do something more productive, like working out or the exercises in NMMNG.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I can give a couple of pointers in addition to the good advice already opinioned here by others.

My wife has an anxiety disorder. She has had it since high school and she is in her forties now. Only recently did she give in and seek help for it.

So here is my experience in the matter.

My problem is somewhat unique in that my wife, because she is on anti-depressants/anxiety meds, has zero interest in sex

She has zero interest in sex with you. Your problem is not unique. There are thousands of women in the same boat as your wife at any given moment.

It isn't an excuse

You are using it as an excuse to protect your ego.

I've seen the meds and done the research myself on it

Unless you hold a doctorate in the specific field you did not do research, you Googled it. You hamstered it away.

Here is what worked for me. Leadership in the relationship. People suffering from anxiety need constant reassurance that everything is ok and the sky is not about to fall on their heads. If you don't lead, they are left in the lurch, feeding the anxiety.

Trying to understand these fears is futile, as these thoughts are sometimes totally irrational. You have to be a captain and an oak. That is what gives them comfort and lets them relax.

My sexlife has improved despite the meds. You are not in a bad situation, just lead and you will be ok. Do not overthink or over analyze.

[–]midwayshift0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I've been in a similar situation. Wife has been on antidepressants and anxiety meds for 15 years now. Some meds are better than others for libido or for difficulty reaching orgasm. Selexa was hell; Lexapro works better for her in combination with Wellbutrin. Try others.

She continues to use and need those meds, even after counseling. Chemical imbalances continue. However her anxiety is lessened by my leadership; her libido increases as I initiate and she feels wanted (which happened more after I decided I to initiate whenever I wanted SEX, not when I was happy enough with her treatment of me to initiate "love-making"). Her desire increased when she saw the results of my lifting and eating well. Still, I initiate 99% of our sex. And my OI is crucial to my own mental health.

Anxiety means comfort tests are more common, especially in low estrogen parts of her cycle. Depression means that shit tests look a different flavor of crazy but are easily dispatched, often with comfort test responses plus being good at AA and AM.

You may not be responsible for her chemical imbalances, but if you want to remain sane and grow a marriage worth keeping, you will have to step up your leadership and become a strong man worth following even from the blur of depression. It is possible to do this.

[–]Trekneck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your wife is not a snowflake. And your situation is all to common. In fact, my wife is on those stupid things too.

First and foremost, anti-depressants DO kill some things, but it's not the go to excuse for why you're not getting the sex you want. When I came here back in September, she was on em, and I was getting it every other week or so. Now, she's on em, and I'm getting it every other day at least.

The anti-depressants may help to keep her from jumping you the moment you get home from work, but they won't keep you from turning her on, or from taking her on the couch, in the yard, in the bed, where ever. It's a matter of generating that interest and leading her to it.

Even on those stupid pills, I still hear this all the time after I initiate: "I was so horny, but I didn't feel like acting on it... SOOOO glad you came in and carried me to the bedroom..."

Just because the pills kill a bit of libido, doesn't mean they wipe sex off the table. Just means you might have to do a bit of work beyond "hey... uh... wanna bang?" to get your wife interested.

Question: do you even lift? Didnt see that mentioned...

[–]Itstinksoutthere0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Take ownership man. I see you blaming everything and everyone but yourself. How's you're career? How's your shape? How's you're income? How's you're you time? How's you're attitude? Ignore her depression. It is easy to get sucked into her shitty slump putting you right into that shitty slump as well. You both feed off of each other's shit attitudes and end being one steaming pile shit that no one wants to be around. Stop whining to her about sex. If she doesn't enjoy it the you're probably doing it wrong or she's not attracted to you. The ball is and always has been in your court. Be a man.



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