707,481 posts

You never say "sorry"

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December 17, 2015
11 upvotes

Clear anger issues here. For me, it takes a while to build up anger. For her, it's almost SUDDEN and it can be anything. She came home and started yelling at the kids for not cleaning their rooms. Then she yells at me for not cleaning my side of the table. I personally don't think it's dirty. I call her out on HER side of the table which has her iPhone cords all over the place and her empty shoe boxes. She starts hitting me - i block myself and she goes "why can't you just say SORRY and clean it up?" she KNOCKS everything off the dresser and tells me to pick it up or she won't talk to me all night.

That's a typical night.

Her main thing is when I forgot to do something or accidentally spill something - I don't say SORRY to HER. I used to say it a lot in my beta days. I don't anymore. If I'm slightly wrong, I'll say "my apologies" but never sorry. Am I wrong for that? I can't keep saying sorry all the time. I've been getting gradually better and owning my shit.


Post Information
Title You never say "sorry"
Author burbor290
Upvotes 11
Comments 14
Date 17 December 2015 08:07 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207812
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3x97vc/you_never_say_sorry/
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Comments

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet15 points16 points  (2 children) | Copy

You sound scared shitless of your wife and her emotions and she knows it. Who gives a fuck if shes mad at you for not apologizing? Hold frame and let her be mad. Also, don't ever explain or justify or defend yourself to her again. You're the man, you run this shit. The captain doesn't explain things to the first mate. Don't even try to engage her in a rational discussion. No more "my apologies" either. That's just "sorry" with a fedora on top.

Also, stop forgetting to do shit. And how often are you spilling things? I'm starting to believe you're just two small children dressed up and disguised as an adult man.

[–]Nogoodsense6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

The captain doesn't explain things to the first mate.

Clearly OP is NOT the captain of his household. The wife is and she's sick of it. She doesn't like the position, never asked for it, and holds it begrudgingly because OP won't do it himself.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

He is not just scared shitless. He sounds like a classic abused spouse.

OP, YOU ARE BEING ABUSED.

Talk to a lawyer.

[–]Redneck001Red Beret8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

She starts hitting me

In what kind of world is this a "typical night?"

Call that shit down. If she gets irrational, leave the room.

This isn't about whether or not to apologize. This is about protecting yourself and your children. I mean, what does this woman do when you're not there, and she's frustrated with the kids?

"If you ever hit me or my kids again, your ass is in the street."

Not acceptable behavior. Ever.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I call her out on HER side of the table

Before I read the rest, I have a feeling I know how that went.

Let me ask you about boundries. Are you OK with someone attacking you? Do you think your kids should see that? Does it piss you off? How much? Enough to do something about it? Like maybe kick her ass out?

Your problem isn't your problem. your problem seems to be letting a cougar run wild in your house, screaming like a banshee and attacking anything in sight. In what world have you hamstered this into being at all OK?

I wouldn't presume to tell you what to do, I won't tell you to look at her like a danger to your kids (because when you're not home, and she's flipping her lid, you think they won't eventually get it?) look at the kids, tell them everything is going to be OK, and then get them the hell out of there. Thats not my place, and it's not my life, or concequences.

I won't tell you any of that. What I'm wondering is what /u/burbor290 would do about his "neighbor", the one whose husband constantly yells and screams at his family, and attacks his wife when she has the gall to talk back to him.

First step is to stop getting beat in front of your kids. Then maybe we can work on lifting and frame

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

So.... you are getting hit by your snowflake and you are asking if you should apologize?

she KNOCKS everything off the dresser and tells me to pick it up or she won't talk to me all night.

I would be knocking shit over just not to talk to her I would have left the house long before this.

Tell us what the fuck is really going on.

you sound like a powderpuff lil snowflake who wants his mommy to stop hitting him.

[–]burbor290[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

How do I tell her I'm NOT saying sorry. I feel saying sorry is just weakness. Even if I do screw up as I'm human.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

" I am not sorry" calmly and walk away smiling and whistling a tune

[–]its-iceman4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Are you serious with this? She's abusive and manipulative, then you have to apologize to her? You're like a battered wife. Document this shit and talk to a lawyer.

[–]Quarter_Century_Club2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You need to read Mindful Action Plan immediately. You're in a toxic relationship and this woman is a walking mass of negativity that is killing your energy in so many ways.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She starts hitting me - i block myself and she goes "why can't you just say SORRY and clean it up?" she KNOCKS everything off the dresser and tells me to pick it up or she won't talk to me all night. That's a typical night.

And this person adds value to your life how?

[–]Nogoodsense2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP. Holy shit dude. She's abusive. Flat out. No further explanation needed.

I hope she doesn't do shit like that in front of your kids. Regardless of the kids gender, seeing that going on is NOT going to set good examples of behavior for the future.

Regardless, I assume she wasn't always this way. And she became this way because you never manned up and took control of the household. So now she has to. And she's clearly not happy about it.

Her hitting you, and knocking shit off tabletops and expecting you to clean it up - IS A TYPICAL NIGHT?

Get out man. I can't even imagine how this situation would be salvaged.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

what the fuck is wrong with you.

owning my shit.

sure you are. which is why your post is about you and not her.

try "how to win friends and influence people"

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Man I need to come to askmrp more often.

She starts hitting me

Well, damn. Abusive so its time to leave.

she KNOCKS everything off the dresser and tells me to pick it up or she won't talk to me all night.

I would personally leave that mess on the floor and withdraw all commitment and conversations with her until she cleaned it up herself.

That's a typical night.

Damn.

Am I wrong for that?

There are two schools of thought. In some cultures its normal to say sorry. In others not so much. I am old school and I don't apologize. I own, fix, and move on. My advice is to quit apologizing so much and Agree and Amplify when she demands it. There is no need to apologize for spilling something or forgetting something.



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