Wife left, lost custody of daughter, now she's crying to come back.

Glennus626 · 2015-10-31T00:44:48+00:00

Story didn't make much sense as there are obviously a lot of details being left out, despite it being a wall of text.

How did you not know/why were you surprised that your parents tried to get custody of your daughter? How did it occur so quickly?

Why is your first reaction to change your entire being to suit your wife the instant your wife decides to pack her shit and TAKE YOUR DAUGHTER AWAY FROM YOU (with a young male on-looker I might add)?

Why are you taking this all laying down? Absolutely push for your parents to keep the kids for the time being. The fact that your wife buckled so quickly shows that she was out fucking her way around the cock carousel, and now that your parents have her bargaining chip, she will bow before you to make sure she doesn't lose her beta provider.

Use this opportunity to grow closer with your parents, and analyze your relationship with this woman who was willing to walk out of your life with your kid at the drop of a hat (at least, you didn't give much background, so it SEEMS as if financial worries were the main cause of stress).

Remember, she's not running back to you because you are doing the right things, getting your life together with or without her, or because you're desired by other women -- she's running back because she lost her one ace up the sleeve. She made her bed, let her lie in it while you NOW work on becoming a better man for the sake of your child.

FearDearg2015 · 2015-10-30T23:27:49+00:00

What do I do right now?

Spend some time thinking about what you want to do. There are things which you can control, and there are things you cannot. Identify the things that you have complete control over,and accept the things which you don't.

TheOakenshield · 2015-10-31T02:59:37+00:00

/u/FearDearg2015 and /u/jacktenofhearts pretty much have you covered. Know what you can control and what you can't. You can do better.

I'm sure you know why and how your parents were awarded custody. It is your job to fix it. IMO your only goal right now should be to improve your daughters situation. That means fix the things you need to regain custody. It means removing poison from her life and your life. It means drawing a hard line with your wife if you decide to keep her around, and I mean from this day forward she is on board with that goal and what it takes or she is out. Everything else is secondary to the goal of getting your daughter and bringing her home.

Educate yourself on what that will take. Educate yourself on divorce. Educate yourself to ensure this never happens again.

In the time you have to yourself, rather than stressing out, read NMMNG and WISNIFG.

Slow down. Do the best you can to relax. Own the things you can control and gain confidence by knowing that you are.

FearDearg2015 · 2015-10-31T08:53:44+00:00

You don't make clear in your post where you are at with unplugging? Your tone suggests a victim puke, which suggests that your RP journey hasn't really started yet?

This is how honest men get fucked.

Nope. This is how weak motherfuckers get fucked. This is the reality you live in. The deck is stacked against you, as an individual. Society does not give a fuck about you as an individual. You are angry. That's OK. But you need to stop being a victim here and start owning your shit. Give yourself a predetermined amount of time to absorb your situation, and then start fixing whatever it is you need to fix. As an example, most men on here would allow themselves about a day to grieve the loss of a parent. If you take that as the maximum amount of time you should allow yourself to "lose your shit" under any circumstances, you are talking only a matter of hours for this situation. If that's difficult for you to comprehend, then take that as an indicator of your level of unplugging.

ford_contour · 2015-10-31T11:25:19+00:00

Why do you need your wife to help you plan insurance? Did you yell at her, or did you tell her to please get the details you need immediately, because you are doing it now?

Sounds like you blamed her for your inability to get it done, which reduces attraction.

Getting it done after giving her specific marching orders would have increased attraction.

Getting your boss to step up increased attraction, but past victories don't count, even if they're only minutes old. It sucks, but you'll get used to it.

Now you're playing for keeps, and now you must win at alpha attraction, and you must win at beta provider.

Furthermore, now she's "the bitch that wants to separate me from my child", so you're not going to feel anything positive toward her any time soon. Which means you're going to have to fake it to until you make it. Or just fake it forever (be impecably charming and polite all through and long after the divorce), for your daughter's sake.

This is about your daughter now. You are going to man up, bite your tongue, and become the alpha ideal while successfully masquerading as the beta ideal, increasing attraction in your soon-to-be-ex your wife.

Now I've got some hard words for you to: Since you didn't get the insurance thing done by yourself, I'm not convinced you have any chance to win custody. A single parent needs to do a fuck ton more than figure out some insurance, all by themself. If you want to win custody, you've got to prove you can reliably provide childcare, including all the messy details of hiring someone, paying them, keeping a strict schedule that respects their time, finding alternates at the last moment when the normal care giver wakes up with their up flu or takes a mental health day...

Anyway, welcome to hard mode. We're all pulling for you. Go out there and be a man you'll be proud of being, because now you have to.

[deleted] · 2015-10-31T02:45:16+00:00

I don't get this, first time and she splits?

Before that, I was thinking you have her too much input of what she wasn't capable, but why would you buy get custody? Why would they, and why...

Actually, check all that. Wave a magic wand, what happens here? You've described a train wreck, but that's it.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-10-31T04:29:51+00:00

Marriage counseling for this case? Good luck with that and let us all know how it worked for you.

I would get my own counselor. However you have to weigh whether that might hurt the custody case- your wife and parents can subpoena your counseling records and use them against you getting custody of your child. Ideally you and your wife would get their own counselor. After a few sessions the 4 of you can meet together.

As for the custody thing, either you are not telling us the real story or you are one gigantic cluster fuck. There were court hearings and notices and signatures required and all kinds of things so this does NOT happen 'coming out of left field.' Try again.

The very title of your post reveals your mindset. "Wife lost custody" to your parents but YOU also lost custody.

What do I do right now? I don't know dad, what do you do? It depends on what you want. If you want custody of your child you need to get custody and become an in charge dad. If you just want to be the paycheck then you need to clarify that and get back to work.

If you want to get back with your cheating wife? Probably the best way would be to just order her to come home and suck your dick. You really need to think about this. It is obvious what your wife was doing and what you allowed her to do. Your parents did you a huge favor by removing a young impressionable girl from that environment.

dandar4600 · 2015-10-31T12:41:45+00:00

Regarding custody of your daughter:

Your parents' place is the most stable place right now. They CAN take care of her and have been paying her private school tuition. You can repair your relationship with them and see her any time, every day. That's way better for you than if she was just with your wife and better for her than if she was just with you. Either way, you have a hearing on Wednesday where it can get cleared up.

Regarding your wife:

Where are you on lifting and the required sidebar reading? NMMNG and MMSLP? Do you even want her back? From the limited thing you wrote it sounds like she has a young boytoy she's banging, but maybe he's her friend's fuckbuddy? Either way, counseling can't negotiate attraction and she left you because she's not attracted to you. Which brings us back full circle. Lifting and reading. Have you done any?

Regarding insurance from your work. All you need is your wife's and child's name, DOB and SS number. Why did you need your wife to sit with you to fill out that information? Fuck, you could have even had her on the phone to do that. Furthermore, fuck her. Just get your child on your insurance. You have stable job, insurance and your child on your policy. Bam, a plus for you on possible custody battle with your wife.

Telling me that I have to leave if it means she loses custody of her daughter.

You should really thank your parents. Your daughter with them means more access to your daughter for you than if she was with your wife. I don't know where you got that wheel diagram from. If it's from your wife and she calls the cops on you then they WILL throw you out of your home and she will be in a better position to win the custody. So if your situation at home is so fucked up you should be happy to have her with your parents. At least until you and your wife have your own places and agreed up custody that is in the best interest of your child.

Regarding the counseling. I have yet to hear a counseling success story. It's only a place to argue with your wife in a civilized manner with a mediator in place. It's not going to magically fix your marriage. You HAVE to work on you. You have to lift, read the sidebar and improve as a person, a father, a man. Your wife has to be attracted to you or it will NEVER work out in the long term.

You can't lose frame, become angry, lose your cool, scare your wife, your daughter and not take care of your shit. TAKE CARE OF YOUR SHIT. Stop excusing and feeling sorry for yourself. Fill out that damn insurance form and call your wife if you need any of her info. You don't NEED her there. Under no circumstances should you leave your house.

There was a good suggestion on TRP. Set up a few go pros or some other similar cameras in your house in case your wife calls cops for domestic violence so that you have a proof on video that she is full of shit. Make sure they upload video in real time so that you have access to that proof because cops won't wait on you to show them proof that you didn't do anything. If your wife calls, they will come, arrest you and get you out of the house and allow the judge to sort it out.

Now I don't know if she will do that. You didn't really give us much to work on. No history of how you got to this point, nothing on what you've done so far etc, etc. All we get is anger and victim puke. That's not the way of a red pill, high value male.

Title	Wife left, lost custody of daughter, now she's crying to come back.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	1
Comments	14
Date	October 30, 2015 11:21 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3qwkid/wife_left_lost_custody_of_daughter_now_shes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/wife-left-lost-custody-of-daughter-now-shes-crying.207948 https://theredarchive.com/post/207948

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