I’m RP but not W. He and I from the start were open on both being RP and me wanting marriage and a family. We started dating while I was in school and he was a server. I got a really great job before I graduated and finished my last semester while working. This job was high risk and not long term but it paid well and it was interesting experience and it caused me to travel for weeks at a time. (We lived together) our end goal was always that I would help him until he got a better job. Well, my job lasted about a year and I saved a good amount and paid off a solid amount of debt while working it. But, I didn’t anticipate how difficult it would be to be unemployed for the winter , but I did my best. Cooked and cleaned for him daily. I re did the gardens come spring. Fixed what I could around the house. He barely had to lift a finger. Meanwhile he still worked as a server, started going to community college and trained bjj. I understood that bjj was a serious part of his life and I’m thankful that he has that but it left little time for us. I was a student though so I understood- sort of. He had a lunch every day and all little sweet things done for him, but he still started to just resent me. Acted annoyed by me. Annoyed that I wanted more time with him when he had free time. He only wanted time for his friends. He turned to cocaine. Started to act out in pretty terrifying ways. At this point I was working a part time job but still keeping up with what I felt were my obligations to our home. He had essentially given up on bjj, us, but kept up with school and work (which I’m proud of) but went heavy into drugs. Disappearing for days, not coming home. It terrified me- so I left took his dog with me for fear he’d neglect her. I didn’t initially take all my things as I hoped he’d get better. In my absence he bought a project car and took his best friend on a Vegas vacation. I found him on tinder when he got home and he claimed it was only to buy coke. I foolishly believe this still maybe because I’m in denial. 4th of July, my favorite holiday, we had plans to try and hang out- patch things up. He ditched me claiming it was a test to see if I could finally obey him. I packed up everything. Left. He says he’ll try to be better again. I foolishly believe him. And things have been a little better at least out of text messages... but then he starts ditching me again. Ignoring me. When I visit what was our home but now is just his house- it’s trashed. My gardens all grown with weeds, not mowed. His mother comes by to do his laundry and there are baskets of clothes not put away everywhere. Dishes strewn about. I took a day just getting the flies and maggots out and trying to make it somewhat livable. I don’t use Facebook- but I logged in and noticed just overuse- girls all over everything- completely vain photos of himself. I mean, I hate that I keep flipping out on him and putting my foot down but at this point I feel like such a door mat. So I blocked him. Meantime- I’m getting my cdl-a, i got my hunting license, I’m getting my concealed carry, Ive been taking care of our dog with so much love. I’ve been staying with my parents- grateful of their love and patience with me. But I’ve essentially given up hope. I want to obey him but I genuinely feel like he’s put my life in danger. I mean I’m even leaving things out here that are really bad. He just repeats to me over and over that I’m just not obeying him but... what else can I do? I’m looking for some serious advice here ladies. Could I possibly just be too mouthy? Could my housekeeping be bad? Am I doing something wrong? I have him blocked on all platforms and he hasn’t even tried to come see me. At this point I assume he was just using me and it wasn’t love. Though I want to believe it when he says it. Unless anyone has some good advice on making myself better, I’m going to leave it at that and move on with my life though I genuinely just don’t think I can date again. I really think some men will note that you’re RP and take advantage of it.