For the most part my husband and I communicate well -- we confide in each other and always have great talks, about good and bad things.

But sometimes, I ask my husband to do something he doesn't want to do, and there is a total communication break-down.

I mean, I ask him to do something kind of unpleasant but that we have both agreed is necessary -- like having dinner with a difficult member of my family, or cleaning out a closet full of junk. I ask him to do this and he just goes blank, looks kind of pained, and doesn't answer me.

I find this so frustrating. I always say, "well, think about it and let me know what suits you," but a few days or a week later he hasn't said anything so I bring it up again. Generally he looks pained and goes silent! (I don't mean that he gives me the silent treatment long term, but he doesn't answer me and, after a long pause, changes the topic.)

This cycle of me setting out the issue and him going silent continues until I finally insist and act upset and pin him down to a date. Then, the family dinner or the decluttering or whatever happens and honestly, he does a great job and makes things so smooth and easy.

This only comes up a few times a year but when it does I feel like SUCH a bad wife. I am sure there's a better way to handle it but I haven't found it yet.

Things I have tried:

Not asking him to do stuff he doesn't want to do. Of course my family is my family, so lots of times I deal with them on my own -- I am used to their craziness. Just, sometimes I need his support. 

In the case of cleaning out clutter, some of the stuff is his and he wouldn't like me to sort it without him.

Of course I thank him profusely when he helps me. And I really do appreciate it.

I have also tried telling him at the beginning of this process that something is important to me. But he still freezes me out at first.

We have been married 8 years and have 2 kids. We have an active and very happy bedroom life. How have I contributed to this problem...I don't know if I was ever a terrible nag but after having kids I got a bit anxious and impatient about things like housework and social obligations and keeping up appearances.

I have been working on improving these bad habits for months now, ever since discovering RPW. And I know it takes time, but it's so frustrating to reach these moments of impasse.

I feel like I am being made to nag and push and I don't like being this way!!