Husband wants to lose weight, has asked me to manage it since I do all the cooking.

StingrayVC · 2017-01-27T12:51:58+00:00

If he doesn't lose the weight, will it be my fault?

Has your husband ever indicated in any other part of your lives together, that he will blame you for his own decisions?

I did express my concern that I didn't know if I would be able to do that, and even if I tried, I'm not a professional nutritionist or trainer, so I don't think it's an effective plan.

Has he ever indicated that he expects perfection from you in helping him with this?

I get the sense that you are hamstering this into something it is not. Given that the last 6 months have been very tough on him and that he has probably been extremely busy, I think he just wants to get back into shape with your help. Do you work full time? Are you just as busy as he is? If you have a lot more time than he does, and you are the one responsible for the food in to house, this doesn't seem unreasonable to me. It will be some work initially, but not a ton. Once you get everything figured out, it's just a matter of implementing it.

Is he the type of man whose really going to blame you if he doesn't meet his own goals?

Just do this thing for him and do it happily and stop worrying about the what-ifs.

Littleknownfacts · 2017-01-27T11:15:02+00:00

Tracking calories and macros is no longer the pain in the ass it used to be. There's an endless number of websites and apps that will do the hardest parts for you. I would really recommend Lose It app. You could pre-progam your cooked meals into it, so he just has to log it, and then he can add any other snacks that he eats during the day.

[deleted] · 2017-01-27T08:02:57+00:00

I do the cooking and meal prep for my husband and I also. And we're both currently trying to lose weight through the keto diet (r/keto). Has your husband expressed how he wants to achieve his weight lose? You are already responsible for the food prep and cooking so it really doesn't add extra time to my day in any significant manner because I would do it anyway. He will need to take some responsibility for his portions and types of food he puts in his mouth and you may want to have a conversation about that. I can food prep and portion his meals, but I can't keep him from having seconds or buying candy, or snacking, that is all out of my control, so I don't worry about it. For me, there is a fine line between mothering him and supporting him. I try not to cross it too often. Setting expectations upfront makes things so much smoother.

[deleted] · 2017-01-27T15:01:38+00:00

He asked you to help. He's trusting you to be helpful.

Be helpful. There hasn't even been time to be success or failure and you are already borrowing trouble that doesn't exist.

Be helpful. Take your worries into action and make it successful.

JackGetsIt · 2017-01-27T14:19:15+00:00

r/keto. Just be prepared for headaches and a tough adjustment period.

[deleted] · 2017-01-27T11:45:34+00:00

I'd go with a simple:

"I can't create a meal plan for you taking into account your weight loss because I feel I don't have enough knowledge. I'll be happy to follow any meal plan you give to me."

proprioceptor · 2017-01-27T15:18:33+00:00

That sounds like a lot to manage (calorie counting, portioning his plate). My husband has asked me before if I can help him with specific things in his diet, but he usually gives me pretty general guidelines to follow. I know with my own weight loss and meal planning I've followed a few rules of thumb, maybe that would be a place to start. *As far as portioning plates, I make sure mine is half veggies (especially green veggies, potatoes don't count :P ), then a serving of protein, then a starch. *I know protein is important (especially for men when working out and losing weight), so I might try sticking to lean proteins like chicken and pork tenderloin. Those are both meats you can add a lot of flavor to without needing to add much in the way of calories. *Even if I'm cooking a veggie side dish for dinner, most nights I still make a salad to have with it.

I understand what you're saying about feeling totally accountable for his weight loss. That would be stressful, and hopefully that isn't the position he's trying to put you in. Maybe you can start by giving him better dietary options at dinner, so that it's easier for him to control.

[deleted] · 2017-01-27T16:21:23+00:00

My wife cooks a lot and it's been a big pain point in the past. My advice for him is he needs to learn to budget his own calories/macros/portion sizes and be in charge of what he puts in his own mouth. That's not his wife's job.

The biggest problem is getting the actual information about what she's prepared so that I can log and track it and make portion size decisions. It's extremely easy for you to become an obstacle. My advice (which I know you don't want) is just to make a small effort to make the recipe information he needs to log available so he can do his thing without having to beg you for info. As long as he's able to do it without feeling like he has to nag, he should be fine.

Homemade food can be so healthy but it can be such a pain in the ass to log if you're not preparing it or the person preparing it doesn't understand what's necessary for logging. Not knowing what recipe was used or what changes were made or whatever, ugh. It's extremely helpful if you send him the recipe, macros or keep barcodes around so he can import it himself. Myfitnesspal has an amazing database and sweet recipe import function. And many recipes list macros. The part I hated was having to constantly ask what the recipe is ("it was from some website, I forgot") and what portion sizes are or having to dig barcodes from the trash. Strongly recommend learning to use a kitchen scale. Pretty much if he knows recipe + weight of the prepared food + weight of dishes/containers, he can compute and measure his portion size.

What works well for us lately is we both have myfitnesspal and share diary access so she can easily load/import the recipe and total number of portions for meals she prepares and I can just copy from her diary and adjust portions. It's been a lot easier lately because she's also started tracking her own, too. Accountability buddies, yay!

Basically... if you try to log a bit you'll quickly learn what minimum info he needs from you to get out of each other's hair.

[deleted] · 2017-01-27T19:53:36+00:00

This was actually a really good question - and a really interesting discussion. Why did you delete it OP? Did the whole account get deleted. This makes me sad :(

SootAngels · 2017-01-27T18:11:19+00:00

It sounds like you and I share similar circumstances, so maybe I can offer some insight. I'm also 26, and take care of all the household cooking/shopping/meal prep. My partner is also trying to lose weight, and has asked me to manage his diet plan. How we differ is that I was very excited when Sweetie asked for my help! Like you, I love cooking, and being able to help him acheive a goal by doing something I already enjoy made me feel extremely proud and valued.

You say your concern is that he isn't taking responsibility for his own weight loss, but try thinking about it this way; You say that your husband knows nothing about cooking healthy meals, but you do, and you enjoy it to boot! Why would he call a nutritionist, or hit google to study these things himself when he has an expert in his own home? An expert who loves him, and wants him to succeed? If I wanted to build a computer, I could be independent by going to a shop, or learning how to build one myself , but what I'm far more likely to do is ask my partner for help. Why? Because he knows computers, and he knows me. I respect his skill, but also feel much more comfortable asking for his help than I would tackling it on my own.

All that aside, you're obviously not obligated to be your husband's diet coach. If it's just too much to take on, there's lots of good advice in these comments. I'd encourage you to give it a try though. I've found it very rewarding to far, and if you'd like, I can share some of what's worked for us. :)

Title	Husband wants to lose weight, has asked me to manage it since I do all the cooking.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	11
Comments	16
Date	January 27, 2017 4:00 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/5qf1qi/husband_wants_to_lose_weight_has_asked_me_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/husband-wants-to-lose-weight-has-asked-me-to.209180 https://theredarchive.com/post/209180

Comments