I feel deeply that I've internalized the red pill philosophy.

Its unfortunate to me because I can acknowledge it from an outside perspective.

Meaning that if I see 2 people on a date I can tell if it's going good or going poorly. I live in a city so I see failed dates going constantly.

I'm always observing. Talking? Hard. Mouth is numb. I literally cant do anything sober. Forehead? Numb. Pure anxiety.

I realize I can fuck who I want. What I realize in myself is I can't. Because I don't know how.

I'm sick of getting all these glances, smiles, small talk and not knowing how to fill a single date.

The last date I invited a girl on she said yes. Then "forgot" about it. OTHERS BEFORE THAT HAVE DONE THE SAME.

My reality is strange. Respectfully I ask...help?