Here's a fun article from Lauren "I Am The Table" Craig, a Spelman grad, nonpracticing lawyer, and author of Fun Things To Do In a Rotted Out Shithole Town. It was also profiled here at WAATGM.

Here's the essence of Craig's screed and why she doesn't have to show you anything: Because I am Woman, Hear Me Bitch And Complain (Emphasis added):

To go even deeper, the "table" question is offensive on its face, because it puts a woman, who by nature takes anything a man gives her and improves on it, in the position of having to defend her worth to a perfect stranger based on random qualifications like looks, credentials, or "freak number." Whenever that question is posed, I now know that you've sized me up and have determined that what little you know or see so far is not enough, so you need a list of additional qualities that I'm "offering" in order to take me seriously.

Newsflash: A woman does not have to "offer" a man anything other than her companionship.

Revolutionary concept to some, but these are the facts. The whole reason men are driven to get up everyday, go to work, have successful careers, and make a lot of money is so that they can afford to impress women and date/marry the dream girl of their choosing. (see footnote below) So it goes without saying that the woman is the table. What that means is a woman simply IS worthy, and that has nothing to do with how many degrees she has.

Got all that? "I don't have to prove anything to you. You don't get to say what you want, what you need, or what you desire. Those things are irrelevant. All you need to know is I'm a woman, and I add value by my very presence, and you're damn lucky I'm even standing here allowing YOU to prove YOURSELF to ME."

Yeah.

No.

She's basically telling men to fuck off. What they want, need, desire, hope for? Doesn't matter. Men's visions for their lives? Unimportant.

Men: If she wants something from you, she needs to offer you something, and it needs to be more than "companionship". YOU get to decide whether she's good enough. What you want, need, desire, hope for, are all important. Your vision and what you want your relationship to look like are important. And YOU get to decide them. YOU get to decide whether she has what it takes to help you get those things.

Let's take Ms. Craig at her word. "I AM THE TABLE."

OK. You, Ms. Table, are offering "yourself". OK. Well then, I get to examine the table to make sure that it's what I want. I get to make sure this table will do what I want and need for it to do. I get to make sure this table fits in with everything else I have. The table has to fit into my home; I am not going to get a table and then build a home around it. I want to know if the table has flaws. I want to know if it's a new table or a used table, and if used, who else used it and how much.

Some tables have a lot of nicks and gouges. I need to know about them so I can decide if I can live with them. Some tables need refinishing. I need to know that so i can decide if i want to put in the work for that.

A table needs to be strong and hold things up. Some tables aren't very strong. Some tables break when you load them down. I get to test my prospective table to make sure it will hold up under what I need it to carry.

I want my table to look good. I want a nice looking table. And I want and need for it to be durable and to remain nice looking.

And since I am "buying" this "table" with everything I am and have and everything I will ever have...

I fucking get to find out and know everything I want to know about this goddamn table BEFORE I buy it. And if i want to ask "what do you offer" then you by God better be ready with an answer that satisfies me, or I'm leaving you at the Table Store. You do have to defend your worth and value to me based on whatever criteria I decide. Because I am half of the proposed "relationship", and I will be financing it, I get to decide whether you meet my standards. My money, my standards. My life, my standards. If you don't like that, you can stay right here at the Table Store and be offended all you want while I go on my way. Go be pissed off on someone else's time and dime.

And that's why Ms. Lauren "Table" Craig is 38 and still single. That's why she is still at the Table Store and why no one's "bought" her yet. (It's actually kind of hinted from her own writing that someone did "buy" her, and wasn't all that satisfied, and returned her to the Table Store. And, these special tables being what they are, he of course didn't get his money back.)

And, Ms. Craig: Your indignation at being asked "what do you offer" is quite telling. It means you don't really offer anything of value. If you won't freely tell me what you offer, then you're hiding something, or you don't have anything to offer.

Men: What you want is important. What you need is important. How you want your relationship to look is important. You have EVERY right to demand that any woman you are considering meet your standards. You have EVERY right to put them in the scales to see how they measure up. Make women stand and deliver. Make them prove it to you. Make them show you they will enhance your life. Or leave them where you found them.

One last thing. This is Lauren Craig. I will leave it to you to determine why she's 38 and single. You can draw your own conclusions on why she has yet to find a "wealthy man" to wife her up.

  • The idea that men go to work and get careers to get pussy has kind of fallen by the wayside, Ms. Table, in case you haven't noticed. Women like Ms. Table are freely giving up pussy to men who live in fleabag apartments and sleep on moldy mattresses on the floor. Women like Ms. Table are gleefully fucking jobless hot guys, homeless men, drunks, drug addicts, drug dealers, criminals, and other assorted shitbags. So don't come in here and tell me you need a job and money to get pussy. If you're a hot guy or an outlaw, you're swimming in pussy.