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Parenting content

TRP8myfeels · 2019-02-11T17:09:28+00:00

I kind of looked around for some specific content for parenting.  Didn't see one. Anyone have a road sign for me or do I just keep...

TRP8myfeels

February 11, 2019

2 upvotes

/r/askMRP

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Post Information

Title	Parenting content
Author	TRP8myfeels
Upvotes	2
Comments	16
Date	February 11, 2019 5:09 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/apidmo/parenting_content/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/parenting-content.215395 https://theredarchive.com/post/215395

Comments

[–]Don_Draper271 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]TRP8myfeels 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]rocknrollchuck1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]TRP8myfeels 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]rocknrollchuck1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]TRP8myfeels 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]TRP8myfeels 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]helaughsinhidden2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

Unfortunately almost no one posts in there. The MOST important thing regarding parenting is you leadership. Ability to hold frame, keep from showing butthurt, being a good example, passing shit tests, etc. Most the behavioral problems you gonna see stem from YOUR lack in some area.

That said, parenting takes a tailored approach which require some questions.

It keeps going and maybe you get the point, but the idea is that raising kids is like standing on top of a greased bowling ball with wet shoes on. It takes constant attention and adjust is a good place to talk about some of that stuff. The oldest is 21, youngest 3. All same mom. I was a blue pilled weak ass beta pos for a long time and the older kids still struggle to follow my improved leadership. I was very inconsistent and followed my wife's lead with them and it was a horrible idea. She did everything for them, so they are lazy and entitled now. The 21 year old still calls her and attempts to get her to make phone calls for him, set appointments, and even tries to have mom get me to do things for him.
How are you trying to raise them?
What behavioral issues are you seeing?
How long were you a weak beta pos?
How well does your wife respond to you leadership?
- Are you on the same page
- Does she belittle you at all?
- Does she follow through with your instructions?
- Are you the enemy at all?
How are your interactions with the family?
- How often do you have one on one with each member?
- How often do you interact together as a whole family unit?
Do you have a family mission?
- Is it effectively communicated?
- Is it practiced?
- Is it measured?

It keeps going and maybe you get the point, but the idea is that raising kids is like standing on top of a greased bowling ball with wet shoes on. It takes constant attention and adjustments. If you got specific challenges I may be able to recommend some stuff, otherwise it's hard to know how bad you've messed them up.

I have older and younger kids, boys and girls. We raise our kids with Christian values so we lean towards those traditional biblical roles which are mostly red pilled and r/RPChristians is a good place to talk about some of that stuff. The oldest is 21, youngest 3. All same mom. I was a blue pilled weak ass beta pos for a long time and the older kids still struggle to follow my improved leadership. I was very inconsistent and followed my wife's lead with them and it was a horrible idea. She did everything for them, so they are lazy and entitled now. The 21 year old still calls her and attempts to get her to make phone calls for him, set appointments, and even tries to have mom get me to do things for him. The younger 3 all basically have a completely different father they grew up around as I got my stuff together in a lot of ways while they were young enough to see me in a better light.

[–]TRP8myfeels 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

A little background: The older girl is 12 and not mine, the young boy is 8 and not mine.

Mother certainly did much more for them before I was here, big things are Remembering [nonstop reminders or reprimands after failure to remember]

Talking back was pretty huge, working well on that.

Bossing each other around, I'm organizing it so many things the 12yo can tell the younger children to do with established limits.

Taking time when commanded to do something, example: Go take a shower and they go up the stairs slowly, or drag in some way or another instead of just going up at a good pace.

Girl has emotional issues when being confronted, shuts down. The boy gets combative and emotionally explodes. He also has ADHD. The medication makes it VERY difficult for him to get up in the morning. If he doesn't get it, I'm sure you know how hard it is for him to sit still through the day.

How are you trying to raise them? Mostly corrective measures for now. The good thing is they really care for me and respect me. I'm sure my expectations are way too high. Since I had such a strong hand in raising my own daughter, who is an avid reader, elitist in her speech and actions, and typically entertains herself, They have issues.

They are both not readers and typically need attention, the girl not nearly as much. The boy has attachment issues for sure. They are both pretty afraid of being alone but I am handling that pretty well.

I am molding them into leaders, organizers. Tidy and commanding, action takers. Harder for the little boy since he's not technically supposed to tell any of us what to do, he still makes an effort to do so with everyone but me.

What behavioral issues are you seeing? How long were you a weak beta pos? Never with my child, just met these two, about two years ago. I've been heavily Redpilled for 5 years or more. How well does your wife respond to you leadership? She totally accepts my authority and even if she doesn't totally agree with my methods, she allows me to follow through. Sometimes I have to pull her back, she can get very loud and aggressive with them sometimes. It turns me on, no lie. Are you on the same page Does she belittle you at all? Never fucking ever. Haven't taken shit like that from a woman in a decade. Does she follow through with your instructions? 100% willing, sometimes she forgets. She's got a full plate at work, her dad is kind of dying, we have a wedding coming up... Fucking busy shit. Are you the enemy at all? Sure, with the older girl, she just wants to lay around, I want her to do more chores but she wants a list. I should do that. She doesn't like doing the dishes, no one does so I guess that's a sticking point. I take her phone till she does what I say and she's been getting lippy, when that goes on I just keep it for the night or weekend depending. How are your interactions with the family? Fun most of the time. We haven't been getting out together recently, it's about time for a hike and some ball. Lots getting in the way of that but I should make time... How often do you have one on one with each member? Constantly. The kids and I leave about an hour after mom. Least time with the oldest girl, she sticks to her phone watching TV or whatever. I wouldn't say we have heart to hearts really. I told her we can if she wants this morning. Momma was kinda down on her for some shit. She holds it in I suppose.

How often do you interact together as a whole family unit? Daily. We are home together every night and usually have our meals together. We spend a ton of time doing everything together on the weekends, we sing at the top of our lungs in the car and get out and play sometimes in the back yard with the trampoline or my sledge hammer against the tire. Kind of building an obstacle course to work out on right now. Do you have a family mission? Not quite yet. I mean I want to end my debt and so does she, then we are going to work on moving back home where I came from. A bunch of things I have 1500 miles away would do them all good. I have a big social circle back home. I know it's silly but I moved down here for this woman, mostly to secure things and bring her back with me.

Shitty thing is I really like it here. The desert is awesome. I miss my friends and family though. Should go there for the kids. From there it's save up and get a farm. Is it effectively communicated? We talk about our future goals. The kids don't really work into it though. They understand how the future will go for them if they don't have good grades, when they move out and all that and have a clear idea of how to act day to day, it's just redundancy and not backing down right now. Is it practiced? We could do more. Time to make up that chorelist instead of sucking around here like I am. That's done right after this. Is it measured? I could do better. Teacher conferences are coming up but the school is shit. We are at the top of the lower class zone we are in. Once we clear our debt we can probably move up to middle class but we did try to move the kids and commute to a nice school district. The girl struggled and the boy was suspended almost to expulsion so we pulled them back.

Hood schools don't challenge the girl so she loafs, the boy is tolerated and understood better. Lots of wild little boys in my part of the city.

[–]helaughsinhidden0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

A little background: The older girl is 12 and not mine, the young boy is 8 and not mine.

Oof.

Shitty thing for you is you aren't their dad. That's a wound that you just can't heal my friend. No matter how good or bad that guy is or you are, they still wish that it was him in the house instead. They don't want to betray him, even if they hate his ass. At least you got her backing your play, I didn't even have that for the first 10 years.

Work on that mission and get them involved. Build a vision of what you all agree is a successful plan that encompasses all things. I include the kids on our financials and household projects that I'm behind on. It's like the MRP OYS almost actually. Grades, attendance, chores, plans, friends, dating, attitudes, schedules, sports, and even plans for recreation are all open for discussion. Builds cohesiveness for us anyway. Blended family kids that have basically two homes end up feeling like they never fit in anywhere and kind of struggle with their identity and territory. They get kind of cynical towards "believing" in a family unit and with good reason too. Statistically, you aren't going to stick around, so if they bond with you and you leave too, it's just more pain.

FWIW, I've read up on Jordan Peterson (12 Rules for Life), Zig Ziglar (Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World) , and Robert Lewis (Modern Knight/Real Family Values) for family reading and got some good stuff there, but you may want to seek something specific to the blended family genre. I can't remember the name of the book, but I read a book about how to deal with difficult children once and to be honest, it was practical advice that is useful for all kids.

Good luck my RP brotha

[–]TRP8myfeels 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]helaughsinhidden0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]TRP8myfeels 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]AlphadustBeta0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]TRP8myfeels 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link