Around a month ago I posted here about an experience I had with a 3 1/2 year LTR that cheated and dumped me after months of bluepill behavior on my part. The breakup happened at the end of January. I posted on TRP, you can check my post history cause the automod keeps removing when I link to it.
After that things went great, I fucked a beautiful girl not three days after. Started working out way more often(went from 82kg in December to 75kg and am lifting 5 times a week), studying relatively harder, making new friends, etc. We ran into each other one week after the breakup, and it was great, I held the frame, she acted sweet and amicable, and we parted ways on an okay note. It seemed like we were okay(i.e., we weren't going to speak to each other, but there was no animosity) After that I continued with my progress, traveling around Asia and even fucking a local 9/10 cocktail waitress. At this point, I now had the same number of sexual partners in the past month than in all my previous years. Life was great
The Event This Wednesday I was hitting up the bars with some friends when I ran into a girl from my home school. We started chatting, then flirting, soon enough I was touching her hips and lower back, she was grabbing my arm, etc. Things seemed to be going great. She then says for me to go into the bar to meet the other kids from my school. Lo and behold, who is there my ex. My ex then pulls the girl aside talks to her for 5 minutes, at which point the girl comes back and tells me to go fuck myself.
I then go outside for a smoke and see my ex with a mutual friend of ours. I approach because honestly after a few drinks I wanted to chat with her.
She proceeds to act nothing like the last time we saw each other, being bitchy, lying saying that I was "all over her friend" as if she wasn't reciprocating until she stepped in, and just being a general bitch. I was caught off guard as this behavior contrasted so much with our previous encounter, and seemed very out of character. She seemed to hate me, not even be indifferent she seemed to hate me truly.
I took it as well as I could, told her that she was lying and that her friend was ready to fuck me until she stepped in and that she was acting "not very nice."
The Downward & Frame Break The next /past few were rough. I felt almost as bad as I did when we broke up in some ways, and worse in others as before she was moving out, and now she actively disliked me. In the past, I had a problem with substance abuse to an extent, and this knocked back into it, which caused me to break my frame. The night it happened I took a substantial amount of Klonopin(similar to Xanax) enough for me to feel it for the next 24hrs. The following day still high I wrote her an email about how disappointed I was in how she acted and how what we had deserved more(yes I am aware that is the most beta blupill shit I could do).
Yesterday I took some Ambien pills to try and make myself feel better and try and get some sleep. Well, it didn't work, I stayed up all night, and hours later I broke down, asked a friend for her number which I had deleted, and messaged her telling her I wanted to talk on the phone. She hasn't messaged me back, and I do not think that she will.
I went from feeling good as fuck, having frame and being the most alpha I had been in a while, to breaking down, losing frame, and acting like a bluepilled little beta shit in 72 hours.
What's Next As Churchill said "Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm." So I'll pick myself back up and keep doing what I was doing before. From now on I'll actively avoid her, and if I see her anywhere, I will leave.
I will continue to work on myself, working out harder than before, studying harder, continuing to read about what I need to learn.
If you take away anything from my mistake, let it be this. Avoid all interactions with an ex. It doesn't matter how strong you think you are, how much you think you've moved on, how strong of a frame you think you've developed. There will always be a chink in the armor.
Thats what I learned, but my question is. How do I stop relapsing?