~ archived since 2018 ~

Do you kiss on first date?

44361066 · 2019-08-08T14:27:33+00:00

Knowing that there won't be sex due to logistics. Also how can you take her to your own place if you don't have one yet? Aand how do you arrange a...

44361066

August 8, 2019

5 upvotes

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Post Information

Title	Do you kiss on first date?
Author	44361066
Upvotes	5
Comments	36
Date	August 8, 2019 2:27 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/cnmj2s/do_you_kiss_on_first_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/do-you-kiss-on-first-date.248444 https://theredarchive.com/post/248444

Comments

[–]acp_rdit12 points13 points14 points 7 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]44361066 1 points 7 years ago [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]acp_rdit9 points10 points11 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]unnaturalcontrol10 points11 points12 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Pwnishment872 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Senior ContributorMentORPHEUS6 points7 points8 points 7 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]443610660 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Senior ContributorMentORPHEUS1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

My dating funnel is calibrated for longer term involvement, so I pace my escalation usually resulting in sex around the third date; a woman aggressively pushing to have sex immediately is actually a disqualifier. This may not be what every aspiring Chad is aiming for, but I never use condoms and never caught an STD in 30+ years of fucking. The nastiest, stankiest pussy I've ever encountered was one who pushed for fast sex.

Whatever pace you're aspiring toward, good push-pull gets both parties invested and excited and leaves little doubt that escalation will go further even if logistics don't allow on that particular date. Develop the fine art of giving a little less than expected, leaving her craving more next time.

When you are doing it right, she won't lose interest overnight and instead of last minute resistance she'll be so eager she'll start taking her own clothes off.

[–]CainPrice11 points12 points13 points 7 years ago (32 children) | Copy Link

I don't go on a first date if the logistics make sex impossible.

I always kiss -during- the first date. Not as some big-deal finish at the end. A good night kiss was a big deal when I was 14. Now I'm a grown-up, and I want to have grown-up relationships with grown-up sex. That way, making out and going home together to fuck is just a natural extension of the kissing we were already doing.

Fuck on the first date. If -unexpected- logistical issues arise (you NEVER plan on not having sex - don't bother with the date if it's not possible at all), then get as far as you can then have sex on the second date.

Not even allowing for the possibility of sex on the first date isn't just bad for you. It's bad for her, too. If she wants to have sex and you can't make it happen due to logistics, you fucked up and will have to dig yourself out of a hole with her, and that's if you can salvage things at all.

[–]red_philosopher2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]CainPrice5 points6 points7 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't think we disagree in concept, more in mindset.

If I'm out with a woman, I want to have sex. If I just want to have fun, I can have fun on my own, with other guys, with my family, etc. I don't need to bring a woman on a date with me for that. If I'm bringing a girl out with me, then I want my fun tonight to include sex. This isn't to say that I stress out about sex and get all needy and grabby and aggressive and fixate on sex the entire date. But I'm sure as heck watching the girl and escalating and making moves when the moment is right.

Maybe it doesn't happen, but the idea from some of these other guys that a guy is supposed to go out on a date, focus entirely on the activity they're doing because he's trying to act like he's having fun to not appear desperate, not escalate because he's trying to make her wonder if he's interested, then not close because he's trying to make her anticipate the next date - that just looks like a timid dork who doesn't get it. Watch for her signals, always escalate, and if you're ever not sure, try escalating and see what happens.

[–]443610661 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]CainPrice6 points7 points8 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]443610661 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]CainPrice0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Set the date somewhere close to where she lives, and when you have the "Let's get out of here" conversation, you can ask "How close is your place".

If she says that won't work and insists on your place, mention the logistical issues.

To the extent possible, you should deal with those logistics ahead of time. If you have roommates, so what? You should all be bringing home women at various times, and bringing home girls shouldn't be some big deal. If your roommates are jerks and cock-block each other when they bring girls home, you have shitty roommates and need to move. Clear the fact that you'll be bringing a girl home with your roommates, and they shouldn't fuck with you.

If you're grown up but still live with your parents, that's a different issue. But if you're a grown-up, maybe your parents wouldn't fuck things up too badly if you snuck a girl into your room.

[–]brk511 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]salinorum0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]CainPrice0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]nobody_thinks0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (22 children) | Copy Link

[–]CainPrice2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (21 children) | Copy Link

[–]nobody_thinks0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link

[–]CainPrice2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link

[–]nobody_thinks0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link

[–]RedSkeller3 points4 points5 points 7 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link

[–]nobody_thinks0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link

[–]RedSkeller1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link

[–]nobody_thinks0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link

[–]CainPrice1 point 7 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]nobody_thinks1 point 7 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]CainPrice1 point 7 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I don't think we disagree in concept. More in nuance.

If you go out, just have fun, and do what you feel like, that natural approach is part of the "fake it 'til you make it" school of thought. Doing that will cause you to naturally not look too thirsty or needy because you're distracted by other things you're doing. You don't have to read the woman and notice signs if she's down or not and make a decision whether to escalate or pull back. You just sort of naturally do both and keep her guessing. You're "faking it" and looking like a guy who can read women and escalate when the mood is right, and the woman often can't tell the difference.

If you go on every date with a fuck-the-girl mindset and you can't read a woman well, you're going to come across as needy, aggressive, creepy, desperate, thirsty, etc. Because you're going to miss times when she's not into something and miss times when she is and pretty much just blow the date. But if you can read the woman, you can make the right moves at the right times.

[–]nobody_thinks1 point 7 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]CainPrice1 point 7 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]nobody_thinks1 point 7 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]CainPrice1 point 7 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]RedSkeller1 point 7 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Thanks for reiterating. I actually agree that being aloof can/does work but I think it's far better to have a closer mentality. If you're actively dating, then there is a difference between savagely clawing women and coming off as desperate for sex and picking up cues and then making your move - then I would agree with that.

If you are actually arguing though to hold out on the first date lay, like I've read about 'don't kiss on the first date' then I completely disagree. All you're doing is setting things up for playing games for the duration of the relationship. When you fuck on the first date you establish that she's attracted to you, no bullshit and you're both adults who have sex - otherwise you're not interested. That's your frame, she knows she's going to submit to you or she walks.

There is a certain finesse to it, but for I wouldn't give the advice to hang back on the first date. Be the man, show her you are sexually interested and take what you want.

[–]nobody_thinks1 point 7 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link