Mateguarding/Boundaries

El_Serpiente_Roja · 2019-08-23T14:52:55+00:00

If any LTR ever told me she intended to spend solo time with another guy for any reason I could calmly break up with her. You don't tolerate this behavior from LTRs but it is not up to you to enforce it. They either know better because they have common sense or you next them.

boy_named_su · 2019-08-23T18:33:27+00:00

a good girl that grew up with a strong father would immediately tell the guy that she has a BF and it would look bad if they went out, so would decline, so you would never even find out

warburgio · 2019-08-23T13:25:22+00:00

'My girlfriend doesnt meet 1on1 with male friends'

SeasonedRP · 2019-08-23T14:30:33+00:00

That she is even planning this tells me she isn't LTR material. A woman who was really into you wouldn't do anything to mess things up. "1" is the correct approach but you left out a key element: you should be meeting with other girls.

ComplexProjection · 2019-08-23T12:21:47+00:00

First one but with a twist. You don't act unaffected, you need to be unaffected. If you just pretend to be unaffected when you are not, you are lacking frame.

But don't be stupid. If the girl is meeting solo a male friend regularly, you will have to look into it.

Sickem_roy · 2019-08-24T00:51:45+00:00

I seriously don’t think LTR’s are possible or worth it.

I don’t think you should ever be that attached to someone.

I say drop her, but don’t make it out like you’re butthurt.

Let her do what she wants and stay on your path.

Girls don’t have male friends for the sake of it. He’s either a friend (Who likes her, she knows) Or she’s in the process of swinging to another branch. I could be wrong, but that’s the way I see it.

Estrogenoxygen · 2019-08-23T22:28:52+00:00

Tell her that it’s completely fine and that you were considering asking out another girl as well, and maybe you should both see other people. Or

If it’s a friend zoned orbiter beta you have zero to worry about and she prob sees him as her girlfriend anyways.

This is a shit test

jhx264 · 2019-08-23T13:20:52+00:00

LTR?This needs to be checked.

Could be a comfort test. I say its better to let her know that you don't like the idea but if she really wants to go then it would mean downgrading.

Greaterbird · 2019-08-24T09:49:02+00:00

You can communicate an action is disrespectul without showing fear and insecurity, but if you have those feelings then don't expect to be able to hide them.

Feelings that keep you in the right headspace are disappointment and disgust. She should feel as if she is being tested. You want her to make the right choice, but if she doesn't you'll have to let her go. She disqualifies herself.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2019-08-23T13:52:35+00:00

It depends on context. For example, if you know the guy, and he's a non-scumbag, that's one thing. If it's a dude who has been in her FriendZone for years just waiting for her to "realize" that they were "meant to be together" then that's a Hard No.

majuman · 2019-08-24T23:29:51+00:00

Depends.

My ltr has 2 guy friends. Im glad shes going to the gym with one. Because i rather go alone and i know the dude. Neither an orbiter nor interested in my gf.

The other one is in an ltr and they are just going out for lunch or a drink sometimes. I know him too and hes a straight up guy who helped me out a couple of times without any ill intention. (this was about help in my profession, he knows a lot of stuff about a specific niche i came in contact at work)

For me its all context. Is she going to meet the guy 1n1 who talked to her while waiting on a bus? Instant next

Is she going to meet her 2 guy friends which makes my life easier and her life better? Yes

My only exception for that rule is 1, the guys cant make her lose smv or give her a reason to be haggy. I dislike haggy people.

If shes more balanced, more fit and happy im fine with it. - maju

Bruchibre · 2019-08-23T11:52:02+00:00

Act unaffected and let her go. If she cheats its her problem.

frozenfish66 · 2019-08-23T16:37:11+00:00

You guys are the most insecure bunch I have ever seen. I am platonic friends with several girls. When their BF acts insecure because they spend alone time with me we laugh about it together.

Don't be a clown you can't control her.

Title	Mateguarding/Boundaries
Author	trp_advice
Upvotes	21
Comments	33
Date	August 23, 2019 11:21 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/cuci9t/mateguardingboundaries/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/mateguardingboundaries.250325 https://theredarchive.com/post/250325

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