Three months ago I stopped lurking and started engaging in RP changes in my life. The final catalyst for me was the "Don't be Bruce" thread.

My wife responded extremely well to the changes! In fact, she said that my engagements with her have been more respectful recently than at any other time in our 18 year marriage. This comment surprised me because I clearly will not take her shit nor put up with her apathy or unaccountability when it comes to handling her portion of running the household. Upon reflection, I do see what she means.

The old me would bottle up frustrations and then barf them out with abject disrespect and child-like emotion.

The new me respectfully informs her that my expectations aren't met when I have an issue with %fill_in_the_blank%

She doesn't dive into "duck-and-cover" mode to defend against my tirade. The conversation stays respectful, and <most> of our conclusions are agreeable.

So this is the context in our household. Enter-stage-left new people:

  1. My daughter's new BP-boyfriend she is considering marrying
  2. My wife's parents who recently stayed with us a couple of weeks (they live a few hours away).

In both cases, the men are walked all over by their women. My wife and I BOTH express concerns about how subordinate these men appear compared to our relationship. We agreed that I would talk with the boyfriend about assertiveness should he approach me about asking for my daughter's hand. That discussion happened, and it was a wakeup call for him.

Now for my FIL.. We are really close, and initially he expressed concerns about the Captain / 1st Mate dynamic unfolding with his daughter. By the end of their stay, he saw such an amazing difference between the MUTUAL respect level between me and my wife, he began contrasting it with the bullshit coming from his. TWICE this week he stood up to her and maintained frame. Moreover, he is getting encouragement from his daughter for him to do it more! Her comment to me over breakfast this morning (which she had waiting for me with Coffee before I headed out to work)..

"Mom may not like it at first, but I think in the end he will be happier and she will be more attracted to him if he would just stand up for himself all the time"

As for the boyfriend.. well.. that will be a different post. I need to see what happens in the coming weeks. Ill will say this - - Both my wife and daughter wanted me to talk with him about this stuff.

TL;DR: Wife and daughter want me to help "unplug" other men around us after seeing how my changes improved our family life.