Although this account is new, I'm not new here. I've internalized a lot of this stuff. That's sort of the reason this incident hit me so hard.

As much as I intellectually know that I'm pedestalizing certain women, how I'm creating a Disney fantasy version of a woman that likely has no basis on reality, it seems like I can't shake it. I thought after reading this subreddit I could never be guilty of something like this, but after recent events in my life I now know that I was just as delusional as a ton of other guys I have read about. I'm not ashamed, I'm more curious. Why does this happen?

I'll keep the story brief: I met a girl through mutual friends, and I hang out with her probably twice a semester. Scratch that, our groups of friends intermingle at parties about once a month. She and I barely talk, but we get along relatively well when we do. I think she's got a funny sense of humor and seems to be my kind of person. However, she's literally done nothing that would indicate she's ever been interested in me. Again, I just want to emphasize that I don't blame the girl for my delusions at all. All she did was be cool and hot. But I deceived myself for over a year thinking we had some sort of special connection. I've asked her out several times and she always says no.

Well recently, a friend of mine was at her house drinking with her and some friends. He's tired of me talking about her at this point, so he mixed me into the conversation and asked if she was into me. She gave a pretty firm no. I mean she had said no to me before in indirect ways by not texting me back, or by just a general lack of interest, but I kept choosing not to see it, and hoping I could win her over. He obviously told me about this though, and for some reason, it was the straw that broke the camel's back. The illusion was shattered. I think I was really taken with the nonchalance of the no, like it was kind of a silly question. And to be honest, to her, it probably is a silly question. She's made it painfully obvious that she has no interest in me and is just trying to live her life. But I refused to see it.

I saw her again a few weeks ago, and I was a little bit shaken. I didn't know how to behave around her. She kept smiling at me, probably anticipating me trying to hit on her in an over-the-top manner like I normally would, but I didn't have gas in the tank at that point. She even came up to me and initiated the flirting, but I didn't really bite. I just was polite and tried to enjoy myself. I actually saw her without the rose-tinted glasses, and she wasn't really that great. She's still hot, she's still funny, but she seemed more human and less special. I no longer cared as much that she wasn't into me. I actually started to see some unattractive qualities. As time went on, she became less and less distinct from the other girls at the party. I ended up leaving early and getting food instead of waiting around for "my chance" to try and hang with her.

Why do we men do this? Why do we create personas for women that have very little to do with who they really are? Why do we choose women to make into princesses, women who never really did anything to deserve it, and don't even want to be seen this way?