A few months ago, I shared here that my boyfriend passed away in an unmerciful death. Since then, a lot has changed for me and I wanted to check in with you ladies:

  • I relocated to a friendly neighborhood in a big city
  • I went from being a SAHG to working Mon-Fri 9-5 for an established real estate attorney
  • Have been attending one-on-one bereavement counseling consistently, once a week.
  • Active church member.
  • Reconnected with old friends and made new ones (expanding my social network)

I think it is so important for me to dedicate myself to becoming the best, feminine version of myself right now. There are ups and downs grieving a loved one. But his father recently wrote me these words of consolation:

Here's the takeaway: You are now in the process of taking the initial steps towards your shiny future. Don't doubt it - it will be a big, shiny future. Your reservoir of happiness will be in the woman you create in the coming years. The whole package: professional and personal relationships, accrued skills, friendships and all the assets derived from lasting friendships, a kickass resume, growth in every conceivable direction... But my greatest hope is that in this future you will be able to look to some really great guy as a supplement to your happiness, as an enhancement to your happiness, even as a significant purpose for your happiness; but never as a source of your happiness. For that you can reach inside you. What you find there along with sound ideas and faith will have been lovingly contributed to by our wonderful son.

I have read here that pain can "harden a woman" and when sharing about it, I know that I can still reach my goals of becoming a worthy wife and mother by ultimately by becoming the best version of myself.

What am I doing to become this person?

Looking good, feeling good (fitness, beauty, faith, and therapy) -

I have been told that I am extremely attractive by many people and I believe it - except I know that there is always room for improvement. Since my boyfriend passed away, I have made my appearance my #1 priority (I mean, I have always made it priority but now I am trying to transform my high-maintenance tendencies into pure self-care lol).

I actually went to aesthetics school before going into law, so skincare is very important to me. I am obsessed with glowing skin, long and voluminous hair and eyelashes, plump lips, and white teeth.

Along with my beauty routine, I have devoted a large portion of my time to weight-lifting at the gym. I grew up very athletic and have been blessed with an hourglass figure. I have always been interested in learning more about "fitness world" and these last few weeks gave me the perfect opportunity to educate myself. (The number on the scale has never been important to me, it has always been about my athleticism and figure.)

Although appearance is a large part of becoming your best self, I want to be a 10 inside AND out before dating ever again.

Bereavement counseling and psychotherapy is helping tremendously. My therapist tell me that I have lived my entire life accumulating a set of what she likes to call, "survival skills" - and is impressed with my awareness.

I'm first-generation Asian-American and grew up in a household that told me feeling feelings was invalid and unacceptable. My parents are stereotypical "feel nothing, express nothing, work hard, then you die, that's life" - I completely believe that there are pros and cons to this way of life (of which could use it's own post in the future) and I am extremely grateful for recognizing that. I think that growing up this way has really taught me how to make traumatic life events work for me rather than against me.

Anyway, I know this post was really long but I read so many success-stories on this subreddit and would one day like to be one of them.

Thanks for letting me share.