Q4Men: Guys who were raised by single mothers, how did it affect your personality and relationships with other women?

Spiffyman255 · 2017-11-11T19:30:38+00:00

I think being raised by a single mom was beneficial to me in many ways. For some background, my mother works in a heavily male-dominated stem field, and I followed suit into a similar field. When I was a kid, she went to school and worked (sometimes up to three part-time jobs simultaneously). As a result, I got a lot of "you're the man of the house" and "you need to take care of your mom and sister" type comments. This made me feel responsible for their wellbeing in a general sort of way, and thoroughly reinforced the masculine gender roles of responsibility, breadwinning, hard work, etc.

With women, it caused me to utterly despise "damsels in distress" and gold diggers above all else. I also have issues with partners whose ultimate goal is to be a housewife or stay-at-home mom or otherwise without ambitions beyond being a kept woman. I want a partner that can realistically work with me in practical and pragmatic ways to improve our lives as a team. I've watched my mom work her ass off to be completely self-sufficient my whole life, and I hold most people (not just women) to that standard.

Otherwise, I am very attracted to femininity. For example, if the car needs worked on, I want to be the one that fixes it, etc. If something needs a more social approach (i.e. dealing with relatives, planning vacations, etc) she would, ideally, take charge.

It's all very nuanced and contextual, but that's the gist of my analysis.

passepar2t · 2017-11-11T20:53:06+00:00

idk how much was the single mother and how much was the alcoholic father who regretted having me and showed it on a regular basis. Also, my mother thought I was a prodigy and raised me accordingly. I am not a prodigy, I am very ordinary. This disappointed her.

In no particular order:

Intense self-loathing
Revulsion at own mediocrity
Late blooming followed by respectable n-count
Flighty behavior wrt romantic partners and jobs
Intense urge to travel the world and be extraordinary
Proneness to drug addiction
Fear of commitment; distrust of women
Internalized "runt of the litter" self-view, omega-ish behavior
High creativity drive; mediocre creative skill
Perpetual struggle against laziness and apathy
Ambition to distinguish self bordering on pathological
Decent lying skills which came in handy while dating
Sense that every relationship has a countdown to breakup
Aloofness with partners, disbelief that they could like me for me
Desire for lifelong bachelorhood or at least non-marriage
Strong drive for danger and adventure, affecting my career choice

a_mans_perspective · 2017-11-11T22:12:14+00:00

I grew up with no idea how to be masculine, or why one would want to. Imo its a dads job to teach his son the necessity and benefit of having balls, competing, standing up for ones self, etc. Thats why Im going to be there for mine.

RecipesAndPolitics · 2017-11-11T19:47:57+00:00

Hard to say, because I can"'t compare to the alternative.

SDW137 · 2017-11-11T19:55:40+00:00

I can't really say, but it was probably better than the alternative. My parents got divorced because of domestic abuse.

DaddyIssues6 · 2017-11-11T21:18:38+00:00

I honestly felt that my dads absence (and being solely raised by a working mother) really took a toll on my social interactions, not just with woman.

My mother, in my book, is probably the most shallow person when it comes to relationships. Considering that she doesn’t easily let anybody into her sphere, my dad must’ve been a huge stud to get with my mom, pop out 3 kids, and return to his wife, whom he’s still married too till this day.
My mom is hella alpha but she was never around to “show me” how to attract woman. She hustled for her money and she’s an inspiration to me - but I had no one to show me what woman look for, or what I should do with myself, from a younger age. I feel that it stunted my growth, not just with woman but in every social interaction. I was a highly awkward kid and I solely blame my father for not showing me his ways. Im 23 now and I’m just starting to feel like I’m getting the hang of social relations. Granted, I managed to pull 7-9s throughout my childhood. But now I’m competing with more complex dynamics and alpha-er men in my age group.

[deleted] · 2017-11-11T21:26:50+00:00

I'm super badass and get all the booty I can handle. Thanks for letting me be a bastard, mom.

InformalCriticism · 2017-11-11T21:31:26+00:00

I'd like to speak for a friend of mine.

He speaks accolades for his mother, how resilient she was, and how female strength amazes him to this day - nothing but respect for women.

He's fat and single working entry level jobs.

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Casshern1973 · 2017-11-12T00:41:25+00:00

I got the better example of my masculine ideals from my mother, telling how it is, job ethics and honesty.

_eNeF_ · 2017-11-11T19:11:50+00:00

Personality:

Brooding
Not very emotional without psychoactives
Laidback
A bit intellectual
Apathy that fluctuates to kindness (devoid of emotion sometimes)
Apparently likeable
Skepticism of black women in general and their stereotypical behavior

Relationships with other women:

Non-existent since I've never pursued women (dating/sexual or otherwise).
Didn't properly understand seduction or how to push things forward to sex, but this partially has to do with the fact that I just never pursued a sexual relationship. Thought dating and marriage were stupid concepts as a child and dismissed them.
Women I've associated with respect me because there are some natural masculine features and behavior traits which women respond to subconsciously, and women who don't show respect or are very self absorbed/egotistical are avoided like the plague.
Come off as asexual because I did have to read a lil' bit about seduction and escalation, and simply didn't know how to express my sexuality. My inhibitions are unusually high to the point where sex would never happen sober.
Light/flirty, sometimes awkward and playful although this is usually accompanied by drugs on my part.
Sometimes confrontational, and blunt in a non-threatening way if that makes sense to you.
Naturally more dominant and women are more agreeable.

Entropy-7 · 2017-11-12T00:09:22+00:00

Mom divorced dad becasue he did not understand what it meant to be in a "relationship".

He was a great man who did great things but he was a shitty father and husband. He was never around.

My first Red Pill moment was when I went crying to mum saying "he pushed me down and took my toy away".

Her response was "Push him down and take your toy back'"

Until recently (now that I live 5000 miles away) I would vet my girlfriends with my mom because I trust in her wisdom.

I grew up with sisters, and I think that is a bigger factor than growing up with a mother.

[deleted] · 2017-11-12T01:29:56+00:00

I think it retarded my relationships with women. Betamax

Niikopol · 2017-11-12T03:14:38+00:00

I dont know. I dont have a template to compare against.

But during my childhood I did feel strongly that I was missing the masculine figure in my upbringing. I tried to compansate that by trying to replicate my grandfather as one. But I saw my grand-dad only occasionally, once a month, maybe two months for a weekend as my grandparents did not live in the city I did. In adolescence I hanged out with boys and was kinda "do everything type" as I felt that may speed me up. Done a lot of shit as such. I didnt just want to be part of the group, I felt I need to go beyond it in order to learn, something I realize only many years later when looking back.

As for relations with women, I never had problems talking to women. Nor working with them. But I did have problems flirting, trying to get their attration and so forth. No one taught me, I had to do that part all by myself.

As for my mother, I dont judge her harshly. Had a shitty life, something that I dont want to replicate but one thing I remember is that it didnt matter what I did. It was never enough. If I scored A at my test, I was never told that I have done well. I was asked how come that other kid scored A +. Always, everything. If you get the same result when you dont give a shit and slack it off and when you work hard, what is the point of trying? It did teach me one lesson, though. Never work for someone else approval. As long as it makes you happy and satisfied, its good. And fuck everyone else.

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