We've all heard this trope described in countless different ways:

Dude is a nice guy. Average height, average income, average social life with a few male buddies (usually in the same situation). He goes out to clubs alone, nursing a drink while waiting for the opportunity to walk up to a girl, like he's waiting for his number to be called at the DMV. He tries a smile and a witty line, fails. Rinse and repeat.

What is not talked about so much is this guy's current life situation. He's at the bar alone because he has a minuscule social circle that he isn't invested in. Maybe he could never fit in growing up, never gained the skills and life experiences to form long lasting bonds with a large network of people from contrasting backrgounds. Maybe he moved to a new city and is stuck in a rut, hasn't made the effort to form a social life. Or maybe he is used to being alone.

Whatever the case may be, the fact that his only gameplan for hooking up is to wait at a queue in a random bar tells me something. It tells me the guy has deeper challenges he is either oblivious to or does not want to face. Why is he lonely? Why is he unsatisfied with the life he has managed to build for himself? This guy is not asking himself these questions. Instead, he goes out to random places, walking up to random people fervently hoping that this day will be the day. The day he gets handed an escape from his mundane life of loneliness. An escape from having to face his reality: he is alone and living in monotony because he hasn't taken any chances - hasn't formed his life, that he has spent his days going through the paces like a wind up toy.

The truth is, a man is the sum of his experiences. That one magic pick up line? That happened to the guy succeeding because his bearing, presence and manner belies a well lived life. The confidence in his gait, his inviting smile, the look in his eye that says he is blazing his own path, want to join in? It'll be a blast. That was the magic, not the words spoken.

The lonely guy knows none of this and it shows in his blank face, the expectant look in his eyes seeking salvation, the nervously raised shoulders expecting the inevitable put down.

Am I saying that this guy should hole up in his apartment and die? Hell no! He should keep trying, he deserves to find what makes him happy. What I am saying is this: it doesn't start at the random bar or club, it starts from within. This guy should learn to live on his own first, experience what it means to forge your own path. Instead of trying to pick up chicks, try answering an ad for a freelance job, experience what it is like to convince someone you are worth getting paid for your inherent skills. Or save up to go on a long term trip abroad, live on your wits in an alien society. Master a sport or an art. This guy should try, not to find an escape from his fears and deficiencies through a mystical hook up but to face those fears and deficiencies. Making choices that take this guy on important life building journeys does more than any self-help mumbo jumbo can to raise his attractiveness.

I have seen a lot of talk on the strategies that a man can employ to succeed with women but I haven't seen a lot of discussion on the root causes of failure. How is strategy of any use when the man is still unformed? Do you consider this an important factor to take into account? Discuss.