Stable Marriage Problem

fiat_lux_ · 2014-02-28T09:47:42+00:00

I'm a woman and I have initiated every LTR (and ONS) I've had. If I hadn't done this, I would have been lonely most of my life or possibly stuck with a man I didn't really like much. I don't know if it makes sense to call the other person a "reviewer" though. The initiation is a usually a fairly short phase and everything that happens after is done together. It's not like one person is on display and the other evaluates. It's just that someone has to take the first step. That's something you should do for yourself in order not to regret or miss opportunities, whether you are a man or a woman.

[deleted] · 2014-02-28T12:44:19+00:00

I like this kind of shit and find it much more interesting than evo-psych just-so stories.

moizer · 2014-03-01T11:52:09+00:00

On one hand, a reviewer tends to get less preferred partners.

But on the other hand, a reviewer gets a partner who prefers THEM more highly. There is less elasticity of demand for the reviewer. The reviewer is less easy to replace.

That gives the reviewer bargaining power.

the reviewer still retains the ability to switch to a more preferred partner later, AFTER earning various benefits with that improved bargaining power. and they have the freedom to line up the next one while they are still with the previous one (cheating or serial monogamy)

Like you say, this is very idealized. The mathematical problem assumes the goal is to find a stable state, for a lot of people that's not their goal.

fiat_lux_ · 2014-02-28T15:05:41+00:00

You have a large flaw in your 'initiator' theory.

Sure, men initiate, and 93% of women have no interest in that.

But women are initiators of the end. Women break up. Women divorce. Women are the partner stereotyped for changing their SO into something they actually want, or leaving to find what they do want.

If Amy isn't satisfied with Abe, she will divorce him, or change him into the man she does want to be. No more guys' nights outs, no more grungy T-shirts, no more late night gaming.

fiat_lux_ · 2014-02-28T15:08:00+00:00

This is an interesting theoretical concept but it has no real world application to human relationships. For one, you do not have equal sets. There are slightly more men in the world, homosexuality rates differ between sexes, and some people have no interest in marriage. For another, rankings are going to change based on the time people spend together. Someone could give an initial impression of being a #1 or #2 only to fall far, far lower when you get to know them. The opposite is also likely to occur, some people become more attractive the more you get to know them. This throws off the entire system as outlined.

fiat_lux_ · 2014-02-28T12:38:51+00:00

This is a matching problem in graph theory. Don't be mislead by the name of the problem, it does not help you find good mates or spouses.

The inherent problem in application: presumption that there is a known n, in the real world, even in our limited exposure of friends and acquaintances, n is unknown and likely not identical, that is, there's n and m of unequal value; presumption that the set of preferences is finite and of equal value, that is: paired match of "likes beef: likes chicken" is equal to "no meth: some meth"; presumption that humans are rational actors who always know what we want and can rank our preferences; presumption that our preferences don't change over time. For iterating algos, the pair that is matched last is always matched most poorly, because there's no blocking pair. That is, how well you are matched depends on how well other people have matched, you're not even matched well in many cases, you just obey the requirement that there's no blocking pair. That is no way to run your life.

I no longer want to post here for two reasons: 1) people with no scientific background talking science; 2) people with scientific background applying algorithms to people presuming we are all solvable.

MissCherryPi · 2014-02-28T15:32:14+00:00

I'm not so sure that men are always "initiators" and women are always "reviewers." Most people do both. How do the men decide which women to ask out? They are reviewing the women they know. Women often flirt, dress up, drop hints, show "indicators of interest" to promt a man. That is a kind of initiating.

Also, it dehumanizing as hell to talk about intimate relationships this way.

rulenumber303 · 2014-03-01T03:27:33+00:00

Marriages and marriage-like relationships go for long enough that the dynamics in play at the end are rarely precisely the same as those in play at the beginning. People get fatter, skinnier, more successful, less successful, change their jobs, become addicts, become disabled, discover previously unknown kinks etc. And they tend to stick with each other through some of that even when the desirability level of the partners is rapidly widening, if both parties show a little responsiveness to each other and see each other as genuinely making an effort.

By the end of a marriage of any length that became considerably invested, what is usually causing the end of the marriage isn't the underlying sense there is a partner who is "slightly" better, it is the underlying sense that things are now so bad and with so little hope of improvement that even if the partner who initiates the divorce never has sex again or never has a committed relationship again (whichever matters most to that person) they are still going to be better off without their husband/wife. Of course having a few alternates or missed opportunities to compare one's partner to helps get you to that stage quicker, but deciding you are better off alone is usually the coup de grace.

Title	Stable Marriage Problem
Author	fiat_lux_
Upvotes	9
Comments	46
Date	February 28, 2014 5:33 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1z5od5/stable_marriage_problem/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/stable-marriage-problem.286147 https://theredarchive.com/post/286147

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