My life as an extremely ugly young man growing up in the social media era. What to do?

kheitba · 2019-10-01T14:01:10+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Scorsone · 2019-10-01T14:32:39+00:00

Own your insecurities.

Use pressure flips or A&A when someone tries to jab you with a joke. Dismiss & ignore only when appropriate, as I believe when someone mentions your face everyone will listen so ignoring it just makes you look like you actually have no response.

Decrease that insecurity to a shit-test level, and focus on something you can control. Find hobbies, even pickup boxing then you can always play that card.

Most people see what you let them see.

McVaghunter · 2019-10-01T14:40:04+00:00

Improve what you have the power to improve like the muscle, the style and the game and stop giving a fuck about what you can't improve. If you can fix your face with surgery, do it, but if it's an incurable genetic disorder then fuck it, the only thing you'll be missing is the chance to fuck 9+/10 looking STD infested Instagram thots who btw look exactly the same as any average teenage girl from your neighborhood when naked.

bishop_larue · 2019-10-01T14:58:09+00:00

Sorry to hear of your struggles OP.

I'm not trying to be cynical here, but I do think that a guy such as yourself just has to continue to do the same things that are advocated around here, albeit more often and better. There's less room for error the more ugly you are. This is an unfortunate fact of life.

That being said, I have a belief that virtually any man in the world can have success with women providing they concentrate on the following things:

Workout, eat well - You're doing this already, which is great. Keep it up and never, ever quit.
Spit the tightest verbal game possible - From what you've posted this is going to take a long time to achieve, but with consistent effort you can get there. You first need to work on your inner game i.e. accepting yourself as who you are. I know this is difficult for you considering what people have previously said to you, but the past is the past. It appears that people have said these comments to you while at High School or College; a time where many are insecure about themselves and engage in putting people down to make them feel better about themselves. Now that you're out there in the real world I would like to think that you're dealing with more mature people on a daily basis. This means that you're now left with your internal thoughts - you mention that women avoid eye contact at all costs when out in public. What's not to say that is't not solely your face, but rather how you're presenting yourself which is the most offputting? I would wager that it's your negative thoughts about yourself that are adding to the problem, which women are very good at sniffing out and being repulsed by. You even say you're genetically inferior. I wouldn't be that harsh on yourself - you're 6ft and have a good body, which is better than what most men have. Even it were true that you were genetically inferior, such thoughts are never going to help you and ultimately leave you in a permanent state of depression. So going forward, I would look into CBT to help shaft these negative thoughts about yourself. A book I always like to recommend is A Guide to Rational Living. If you find it hard to implement the techniques recommended in the book, then seeking a professional may be helpful. There is no shame in that whatsoever. I would also recommend reading up on Stoic philosophy which ultimately seeks to banish negative emotions - a good introduction is A Guide To The Good Life. Once you've reached a point where you're confident in yourself, then its time to start getting out there and approaching.
Dress like a champ - fairly self explanatory. Make sure your clothes fit you well and the colours match your hair/skin tone.
Engage in a hobby which women take part in - A good one is dancing. This'll help you to get out or your head and just be comfortable in the presence of women. Plus, being a good dancer is an attractive trait. Salsa used to be my go to.
Run a business/ focus on a high-income career, make money, get status etc. - Again, fairly self-explanatory. Money gives you options, the ability to experience many different things, and live an attractive lifestyle.
Have good logistics - Not too important for now, but you'll want to be working towards living alone in a location which is a) frequented by many women and b) is in close proximity to dating venues.

All in all, I understand things aren't working out for you at the moment, but if you truly channel your energy into the above (ideally starting with inner game), then I'd like to think that you'll eventually have success. It's just going to take a lot of work; more so than average.

TLDR: It's not all doom and gloom. You've just got to put in more work than most.

ghb2019 · 2019-10-01T14:55:35+00:00

Have you looked into functional medicine, Alot of auto immune conditions are caused by the gut, so if you can heal your gut and change your microbiome you can potentially clear up the skin issues,, worth looking into anyway

Snappy_Darko · 2019-10-01T16:59:11+00:00

Your honesty is really touching man, sounds like youve been throught the ringer. All the advice here seems pretty sound, though one thing that for some reason popped into my head was stand-up comedy. Whether it's a refugee, a fat guy, an ugly chick, someone with an embarrsing speech impediment, tourettes, whatever, the one thing that stand-up comedy teaches you is to own your societally determined inferiorities. When they get on stage stand-up comics are the first to mention all the shit that the audience is already thinking, and by they time they're done the audience perhaps has a new found respect, and for the comic it's got to be cathartic. Now im not saying be a stand-up comic, as you may not be naturally funny, or witty, or whatever, but taking stand-up comedy or drama classes as a hobby puts you into a social environment where everyone is encouraged to talk openly about all the shit that tears them up inside, and then encourages you to make something creative out of that. Various acting techniques or drama workshops begin with you tearing down the person society ahs forced you into being, and help you put a bit of distance between you and your problem. I have no idea if this would work, but what I got from you opening paragraph was a kind of first step towards saying out-loud some difficult truths about yourself. If you can say them in a group of people listening and build your resilience that way, perhaps that could be an important step towards something more hopeful?

Infernir · 2019-10-01T17:19:17+00:00

I'm not gonna sugar coat you.

The unspoken truth in the universe of mating, a known fact in the scientific community, and a law for all humans is a sexy face is the #1 and first thing people actually look at, far beyond height.

I rarely see anyone on Reddit talking about this, just dumb guys crying about height and thinking it means shit since a global shit test of women being ingrained in society is "Lol be 6'0 or taller" even though 90%+ of people can't judge height for shit and 99% of women don't truly care and will still bang the shit out of 5'7 guys.

This is the harsh truth and reality. How clear & sexy your face is, and even the shape of it can determine if a girl wants to fuck you instantly or not. A 5'7 fit guy with a good face can lay x10 more than a 6'3 guy with a bad one.

Genetics are uncontrollably, hygiene is fully controllable and skin color is semi controllable, not really unless you want to go full michael jackson route. Skin color shouldn't matter unless you're chasing a truly racist women, theoretically anyone from and race can absolutely slay women of another, it's just a matter of having higher points in other traits if they have a huge fetish for hispanic men & only want to date them. 99.9% of them will still fuck and date you, though they might hide it from their friends or parents they want to think "Oh I only date hispanic men :)".

The second thing is how well you communicate, personality, vibes given, etc. Even if you have a truly shitty below average face if you're social, communicate well, tall, fit, you can still become a sudo version of chad. You won't instantly and easily have girls just lining up to fuck you but you can get it with some effort.

The third is the rest of your body. But the thing is, lifting gives you better confidence & frame in general so it can play into communicating well, never feeling nervous around 10/10 women, and feeling good about yourself whatever situation you're in.

Money/Dressing well/Owning nice things is sort of... not on the list of things in value (SMV) it's more of a global variable. It can impact everything and thus depending on what you do with it, can be the number 0 thing more important than everything or have no impact at all. Some people can be millionaires and not show off their wealth through anything, be extremely frugal thus it won't help them get girls at all.

There's countless other things that can increase your SMV, it's all on the circumstances and position you're in. For instance competition and being the best or even just good at something can raise your SMV with women interested in the same thing.

Others can be making $70k a year but act like millionaires and have a shitty stressful life in debt, buying expensive cars they shouldn't even be looking at, and wasting a ton of money on expensive clothes that only make them look fake.

PM_mecolorlasernudes · 2019-10-01T17:43:21+00:00

This helps.

exscionewhuman · 2019-10-01T18:30:42+00:00

Make the best of what you are given, accept the realities you can't change which means working on not being so negative in your thinking. Yes you are ugly. You aren't alone. Make some friends. Hire prostitutes. Find a girl with an ugly face and a rocking bod.

If you were looking for true love and a woman to love you just for who you are, well you wouldn't find that if you were genetically perfect anyways. In a way it frees you up to do things others can't. You don't have to worry about divorce rape, or having an abusive partner. Your mind is stuck on this very negative thought and it can't let it go because the truth in it is like hooked barbs that latch on to your mind. You need to start focusing on some other things that are true as well. You need to shake up and loosen your mind a bit. It starts with being mindful of your thoughts and questioning them, one by one, until you find a better outlook. You can't do that until you accept and move on.

Ask yourself, is Danny Devito unhappy? Find a role model. Being ugly isn't a death sentence to eternal unhappiness.

AceMav21 · 2019-10-01T18:32:17+00:00

I think Teddy Roosevelt once said “Speak softly and wield a big dick” try that! Fr though I think you’re just depressed

haxewep24 · 2019-10-01T18:49:33+00:00

It got deleted, can someone share the post?

Title	My life as an extremely ugly young man growing up in the social media era. What to do?
Author	throwaway1283445
Upvotes	9
Comments	15
Date	October 1, 2019 1:38 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/dbtj2j/my_life_as_an_extremely_ugly_young_man_growing_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/my-life-as-an-extremely-ugly-young-man-growing-up.286961 https://theredarchive.com/post/286961

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