Maybe a motivational post, a wakeup call, maybe a rant. You decide. I'll try to keep it short.

All my life, I've been different. Not some stupid psycho with crazy views of everything, but someone who doesn't bite into the social narrative so easily. I never really saw myself as a family man, working at some job, just providing for a wife and kids.

Freshman year of high school, I made it a main priority to get a girlfriend. Luckily and easily for me, some girl found me first, and poof, three years down the drain until senior year when she came across a freshman football star with what we'd refer to now has 'high value'. I bitched, pleaded, and made a fool of myself. Senior year was hell, but it could have been different if I had woken up.

Thinking I needed another girl, the search immediately started. In college, no joke, I did the EXACT same thing to a T. Met a girl, latched on, 4 years down the line, split at the end of senior year. I graduated, she didn't, she wanted to party more, I was moving on to graduate school. Again, went back to beta ways. Begged, pleaded, did everything I thought was 'right' to save it. Yet again, didn't wake up. [Sidenote: only bonus here was the girl was really kinky. Handcuffs, rape fantasies, roleplay, fun stuff. Some of the best sexual experiences I've had.]

Again, I need a girl to be happy, right? Search again. For a third time (couldn't make this shit up), I was in the same predicament. Met a girl, 3 years in, she wanted 4 kids, a house, vacations paid. I needed to be at all family functions even though I hated them. Some of the most vanilla sexual experiences ever. Never wanting to explore, always just wanting the same, bland 'intimate' things. Being a 'metalhead', I found myself listening to country in the car, or typical pop sensations that made me want to bash my head against the dashboard. My main hobby, cars, shunned and stamped on by her and family members saying it took up too much money and time. She jumped ship with someone else after finally realizing I wasn't ever going to have kids with her.

The scary part was, somewhere in my screwed up head, I was actually rationalizing having kids with her. I should be thanking my lucky stars for this other guy walking into the scene.

After that, I almost fell into the same trend again. Started searching. Then took a long, hard look at my life and said, what the fuck am I doing? I'm here, chasing girls, anyone who can have me, latching on. The only thing making this work is the girl seeing some provider traits, maybe some money, the job, the cars. Some fake traits of being a 'badass' of me just compensating for my real need just to have someone there.

Through these nearly 10 years of straight LTRs, I've been not being me. I had been trying to fit into this mold of what their family members, friends, or even what they wanted. My advice to you is to not fall into this black hole. If you are, come back. Change the relationship, or even drop it if you need to. I an guarantee you'll be better off in the long run.

Be a man. Pursue what you want, not what your partner, their family, your family, or anyone else wants from you. Want to create a business? Do it. At least give it a damn good shot. Maybe you'll fail, maybe you'll succeed. Maybe you'll drop it in the future, but you'll never know if you don't try.

For me, it's traveling and racing. Always wanted to do these things, but never got out of my comfort zone. Now I am and quite honestly, I'm happier than I've ever been in my life. Plenty more adventures in the future, which even that in itself is fueling me.

Get out of your comfort zone and live. Girls, friends, all that will follow. Don't search for it.

Thanks for the highly motivational posts here, guys. It's been very much appreciated.