Is ego the cause of approach anxiety?

VasiliyZaitzev · 2019-11-01T19:00:53+00:00

I don’t meditate because I am perfectly chill all the time, but yes I agree that fear of rejection - and this injury to the ego - is the cause of approach anxiety. I wrote a top level post on Approach Anxiety that guys might find helpful. I will link it later as the boarding door is closing.

EDIT: See below for some resources.

Become the Prize

-Master your life. Become the Prize.

Approach Anxiety: Faint Heart Never Fucked Fair Lady

-Take a Deep Breath, and Make It Count.

Abundance Mentality - Why It's Good For You.

-If You Really Want To Know, Go And Build It.

Uncle Vasya’s Guide to Outcome Independence or Welcome to Level 99 DGAF

-How to Rock Out With Your Cock Out.

RPOpenUp · 2019-11-01T19:38:04+00:00

When I started meditating I felt empty. Like all colors in life disappeared. In the begin it feels odd and uncomfortable, this is because you are not used to not being emotionally driven. This clarity helped me to stop caring so much about what everybody thoughts whether it was positive or negative. Since I stopped caring I am more focused on my goals and when I'm happy, I'm happy because I'm internally happy not because society expects me to be. You are on the right path bro, keep it up

bayfarm · 2019-11-01T22:00:41+00:00

A little, getting rejected will dampen your confidence if you allow it.

-ThePathIsTheGoal- · 2019-11-01T22:26:24+00:00

The ego is the root of all anxiety.

INNASKILLZ2K18 · 2019-11-02T14:58:14+00:00

Now of course there will be different specific reason for different people. But on the whole, yes.

It stems from childhood. Somewhere in childhood, we experience a sense of rejection for our family (the tribe). We usually first feel it when we're babies. We cry, mum doesn't come fast enough, or doesn't know we're hungry, or we wake up screaming and nobody hears right away.

The amygdala area of the brain, which stores emotion, form long before the reasoning/logical part of the brain. So these feelings of rejection/abadonment are pretty strong in the Amygdala, and as babies we can't yet rationalize our way out of it.

The result is, all proceeding moments of rejection/abandonment trigger the amygdala. 'Fuck, I'm risking rejection, this is pretty terrifying'. We can logic our way out of it, but the emotions are still there. They are from baby times, being re-triggered.

We experience other rejection later in life, from peer groups, women etc. Each time, the amygdala sets off, and we usually FEED it with our rational brain - 'Yeah, I am a loser, see. Nobody likes me. Something is wrong with me'. This strengthens the amygdala's response.

In reality, a woman rejecting you means jack shit. But since we were babies we've had trauma around rejection. We've fed that trauma many times since.

A woman rejecting you is objectively nothing. Where do you think such huge anxiety comes from? It's stored in your brain.

The emotionally strongest people are those with great logic and reasoning. They have the same emotions/fears in their amygdala, but they've processed through it. They've told themselves they're good enough, worthy enough etc enough times, the amygdala's response becomes less.

Weaker people live in ego. Ego is fear. Fear of past experiences and trauma happening again. Approaching that girl? 'Fuck no! I was abandoned as a baby, and it's traumatic...anxiety, anxiety, run'. Fight or flight.

Meditation and solid reasoning skills are phenomenal tools for overcoming anxiety/trauma. Slowing yourself down, becoming aware of anxiety, bringing attention to yourself, accepting it and being ok with it. It's just a feeling. Feelings pass.

Then using your reasoning skills to properly assess the situation. It's just a girl. There are many girls. Her rejection doesn't affect your life.

Now, when I see a girl I want to approach, I may get a little flutter. About two seconds later I'm cool as a cucumber and very indifferent.

I study mindfulness as a treatment modality for anxiety, trauma, depression, addiction etc.

It is an unheralded way to change the brain and emotions. It can change your life if studied and practiced deeply. Being totally in the present, free of all judgment and attachment to any outcome but completely present.

KillaJewels · 2019-11-01T19:56:00+00:00

It stems from the caveman days. If you'd knowingly or unknowingly pull some other caveman's girl within the tribe, it's game over for you if he's recognized as "more alpha".

So now we've inherited the survivalist adaptation (fear, anxiety). We simply have not had enough time to evolve biologically from that. Ego is certainly a factor here, as it is protectionist by nature.

And to answer your question, yes I have. Meditation is great for your overall health and translates into your mindset/behavior.

Distractingyou · 2019-11-02T00:52:21+00:00

It stems from the fact you think there is a lose reward ratio, in some way you are putting yourself on a hard scenario where you dont control everything. So yeah its about ego but more about you might discover your frame isnt as strong as you think you are.

i-am-the-prize · 2019-11-02T12:47:09+00:00

It’s the lack of outcome independence (that causes approach anxiety)

Overcoming that can either be from no longer being affected by the outcome (ngaf attitude) - in a general sense.

Or by not letting the specific interaction be tied to your ego/ self worth calculus.

In my mind the first option is the long-term goal and general flow state of happiness, strategic level.

Second one often times has to do with rationalizations about her not being that cute or you’re not that horny or you’re not looking that good that night.... problem is the hotter she gets the more difficult the second tactic actually is (and the higher value of the first strategy becomes self evident)

Some of this does come from practice and repetition- when you realize that you do not burst into flames or have a cardiac arrest or anything else terminally negative when things don’t go the way you envisioned - with a specific person at a specific time- so in the meantime do NOT picture it going any particular way, do NOT have some kind of major vision on how things are going to be so great between the two of you before you even talk to her - just talk to her. It’s not a big deal don’t make it a big deal. You are the Prize- let her prove herself to you.

Remember unless she’s in the honeymoon stage of new love she likely is looking for someone to make her happy and thanks to hyperGammy even when she is with someone she will be looking to optimize her pairing and open to give you a chance since her biology will be making that decision for her.

dadfrombrad · 2019-11-01T21:26:30+00:00

Approach anxiety = excess brain activity

Take a xanax if you can’t approach people

Title	Is ego the cause of approach anxiety?
Author	just_some_otaku
Upvotes	20
Comments	11
Date	November 1, 2019 6:52 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/dq8k0h/is_ego_the_cause_of_approach_anxiety/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/is-ego-the-cause-of-approach-anxiety.293614 https://theredarchive.com/post/293614

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