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Shitty Comfort Test?

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November 8, 2019
7 upvotes

Been getting a lot of ‘I feel like you don’t ever say I love you anymore’ and related statements from wife...

‘Do you love me more than anything?’ ‘Is our relationship your number one priority’ ‘I feel like I lost your trust’

Recovering faggot-beta-nice guy-etc., so fully realize I may have gone too far the other way and ended up in complete sperg territory as of late.

Some anger/resentment is definitely still there. Fear of falling back into my old ways. Some lack of attraction on my part towards her since having my eyes opened a little. Recognize it’s completely my fault for letting things get here. Looking at other OYS and related posts a lot of this seems normal.

Been mostly passing shit tests, failing a few of course - still learning. Recently started getting comfort tests and addressing with forehead kisses, aww babes, etc. Most go well.

But I’ve also addressed this last round of ‘do you love me more than anything else’, ‘is our relationship your number one priority’ and related questions with STFU or avoiding it in general. Some jokes and hugs/kisses/ass-slaps were able to move past them early on. But she’s kept pressing and I’m not sure how to best deal with it.

I get that she’s upset - feels loss of relationship power, general upset feeling that your significant other doesn’t love you like he “used” to, etc. All that makes total sense to me. But damn is it annoying to be pestered. I’m still here aren’t I?!? I’m not going crazy with dread, maybe level 4-5? She was pregnant shortly after I found all of this so I tried to take things slow minus a few Rambo hiccups. Things have evened out since.

I don’t want to be unnecessarily mean and spergy to her face - “No you’re actually priority 7. Next question?” Even though I don’t really give a fuck, I realize some tact can’t hurt.

I don’t want to lie either, I don’t like the idea of her thinking she is my main priority. True or not. And she isn’t, but this is a recent development over the past 8 months thanks to MRP. Which feels fucking refreshing as hell by the way... like I can finally focus on my life.

She’s being really direct and overt about all of this. So not sure what to make of it. My thoughts are to just straight tell her no. Still love you, still committed to making this marriage work. But I am doing things that bring me value. I have other priorities. Etc.

And then just deal with all the butthurt and whatever she’ll throw my way afterwards. She’s a big girl, she can probably handle it.

But again, thinking there’s a better way to deal with it? Been reading some of Jacktens stuff, just having a hard time figuring out how to apply it.

Appreciate any help, faggot-spewing as it will be. Truly can’t thank the big time MRP contributors and resources enough

Stats 6’1”, 195lbs. Still bulking Weights below are three sets of five, except deadlift (one set of five). Been doing starting strength and now HLM since before I found MRP. Squat 340 Dead 355 Bench 230 Press 155 Weighted Chins 65 (done 90x3)

Read all the big parts of the sidebar, working through Bang and Day Bang now.


Post Information
Title Shitty Comfort Test?
Author Reddreng
Upvotes 7
Comments 9
Date 08 November 2019 10:01 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/296092
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/dtmlzn/shitty_comfort_test/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
butthurtbetadread gameshit testcomfort test
Comments

[–]EasyDaysHardNights6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

By the time you get to the end of my comment, one of two things will happen. Either you'll pussy up and delete your post ... or you'll man up and actually face yourself. Your call.

You have a fresh account but include lots of the "right terms" in your post which tells me you've been lurking for a while and are just poking your head out. You're trying to hide. NO hiding here. Welcome to the Bear Pit mother fucker.

Recovering faggot-beta-nice guy

Nope. This is a lie. No "recovering" yet. You're choking on the pill and are trying to hack it back up.

Fear of falling back into my old ways.

‘I feel like I lost your trust’

This right here is YOUR problem. You do not trust yourself or your woman. She feels it too.

I can tell you're trying to protect yourself from the pain of admitting how angry you are and the insecurity of admitting how exposed you feel by how you are qualifying everything with minimizing words.

Some anger/resentment is definitely still there.

Qualifying. You're lying. You're stuck in the anger phase and there's a ton of anger in there. You feel betrayed and have made your wife the enemy. Which is wrong. It's your ego that's the enemy. What are you hiding? Maybe we'll find it further along in your post ...

Been mostly ... a few of course - still learning. Most go well.

Qualifying. Qualifying. Qualifying. Qualifying.

You Lie. You lie. You lie. You lie. Only to yourself. The rest of us can see what's going on.

since having my eyes opened a little

Qualifying (a liar does this by the way).

She was pregnant shortly after I found all of this so I tried to take things slow minus a few Rambo hiccups.

Well now. HERE'S SOMETHING. THIS is her issue. You went fucking rambo on a pregnant woman. AND YOU'RE LYING ABOUT IT. Jesus man! You didn't read the intro on Dread, did you! READ THE FOLLOWING.

Edit 6: THE USE OF EVEN MINOR FORMS OF DREAD IS NOT SUGGESTED DURING PREGNANCY. We have had reports recently about men using Dread during the wife's pregnancy AND IT CREATES A SHIT STORM. DREAD is off limits during a pregnancy from what I have seen.

YOU CAUSED THIS SHIT STORM. YOUR INSECURE, NOT DOING THE WORK, LYING ASS DID THIS TO YOURSELF.

Lay down in the bed you made ... asshat.

I don’t want to be unnecessarily mean ...

OOooooo. Here's a doozy.

You're lying. You and I both know it. You want to lash out. But you won't. Not outwardly.
No-one is worried about that. You couldn't hurt anything if you wanted to. You wouldn't allow it. Don't want to expose how you really feel. What else are you hiding?

Inwardly you are a manipulative fuck who isn't honest with anyone. Which makes you one of the worst kinds of mean.

Recognize it’s completely my fault for letting things get here.

Key word here is "recognize." You're only in your head about this. You haven't actually owned it yet. You're still angry about it all. You've directed your anger at your wife and are blaming her.

This is why you're a mean manipulative fuck. You're blaming someone else, in this case your wife, for your own inadequacies. You're a Liar.

... and spergy to her face

Too late.

Even though I don’t really give a fuck ...

Liar.

I realize some tact can’t hurt.

Qualifying.

Tact requires an awareness to know the line between just enough and too much. You have no awareness, thus tact is not an option for you.

I don’t want to lie either

Yes you do. To her, to yourself, to us. You aren't being real with anyone right now.

She’s being really direct and overt

Of course she is. You pulled Dread on a pregnant woman. You forced her into being more of a man than you are (i.e. trying to get through your cloud of obfuscation).

My thoughts are to just

Qualifying

some of Jacktens stuff

Vague

just having a hard time

Qualifying

Read all the big parts

Vague

OK. That's enough. I could pull out more ... but there's no point.

You're hiding from the reality of the pain you're afraid to feel. You're obfuscating on everything so no-one can pin you down. We can see through it all. Stop deluding yourself.

You're woman isn't the problem. You are. Stop lying to yourself and everyone else and own your Fear of being hurt. Allow yourself to feel the vulnerability. It's the only way forward.

[–]Reddreng[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Damn, that got my heart rate up... I can’t deny any of what you said. Appreciate the time and response.

Definitely been lurking for awhile. Married my high school sweetheart after college (blue pill to the max), sex became drip-feed, she had surgeries for endometriosis which tightened the sex down to mere drops. Kept telling myself things would get better. Went through a phase of “if she could only change” then read Extreme Ownership and went through a phase of “It’s not her, I just need to try harder.” Didn’t really know what to try at... more chores, negotiating, fucking tears, it’s puke inducing to look back on. No wonder she didn’t want anything to do with my dick. Finally realize that wasn’t working. Found NMMNG and MMSLP on my own. Made things a little better, but the whole picture hadn’t clicked yet.

I’ve always wanted a huge family, my wife and I start trying. Yeah I know, it’s a fucking mess, so let’s throw a baby in the mix. I can’t change the past (and now that I have my son, I wouldn’t). She had some known issues (endometriosis, etc), so we go through fertility treatments.

Finally find MRP in the midst of all this. I start wolfing down the sidebar and top posts. Can’t get enough, everything makes so much sense.

We go through a miscarriage, I’m reading about being the oak and I think I’m pulling it off. Until of course I explode my own feelings all over the place. Fucked it up, and I know it. Again, I want to puke looking back at all of this. I know what I’ve done, I know how much I fucked up. And I know that she knows. And apparently so did you, kudos.

I continue drinking from the MRP firehose. We get pregnant again, it’s a rough pregnancy from the get go. I’m finishing up WISNIFG right about this point. Fogging like a spergy moron. We have a minor main event over it. Literally right in the middle of this (lasted 2-3 days), I read the levels of dread post with the all-important pregnancy disclaimer.

I feel pit-in-the-stomach awful about it. Back off immediately realizing how much of an asshole I’ve been. From then on take things extremely slow, actually, didn’t push anything the rest of the pregnancy. The pregnancy is really really hard. I manage to be a decent oak figure throughout the remainder. I can tell she’s a little bit grateful, but mostly worried about the last time (miscarriage) and whatever the hells been going on with me. Rightfully so.

Have the baby, he’s awesome. Never loved something so much in my entire life. Never felt the urge to be the best I can be so strongly before either. Takes us to here and now.

All that you’ve said is true. I’m sure the extra details only highlight it more. I’m scared and angry and resentful. Feelings of - I wasted so much of my time, I missed out on what could have been a bunch of fun in college, covert contracts and co-dependency strewn all over the place.

I want to be better. No hiding is the way to start, fine, then no hiding.

I completely suck at this and I know it. It’s confusing that my wife is still with me, probably a lack of abundance on her part. Due to my shitty container that she’s molded herself into.

I feel super fucking guilty over who I’ve been as a husband. From the puke inducing pre-MRP antics to the more recent sloppily applied MRP antics complete with resentful revenge-vibed shit I’ve served up to her on a “I’m doing this for us” platter. I’m a floundering fool trying to make it all work. But I do want to make it better. For me. For my son. And yes, for her, since it’s my fault she’s so fucked up.

I would sincerely appreciate any and all help. I realize I need major help. I also don’t want to push the effort and work off onto anyone else.

So I’ll give my game plan and what I assume should be my next step.

Start doing OYS. Never did before because I was scared. If I can’t show I’m scared and an idiot to internet strangers not sure how I expected to improve my relationship, but there it is. Also a little fearful of op-sec. But fuck it, I have to do something.

Continue reading sidebar material, probably need to re-read the pre-reqs? My struggle is with application, not continuing to study shit. But don’t think I should just stop studying. OYS will obviously help with that.

Lifting is going well, just keep it going. I enjoy and am decent at it. Keep bulking up, again - OYS will help.

Uh, I guess really just OYS. Guess this will count as the first one. I’ll post it over on MRP, with goals etc.

I had hoped to quick throw my OP out there and get some easy feedback and go on my merry way. Avoid any pain. Guess you saw that. Damn I’m such a fucking pussy... thanks for the call out. Definitely hurts that it was so transparent.

Fuck, kind of reeling over here. What a mess. Let me compose my thoughts and post them where they belong.

[–]EasyDaysHardNights4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Now that we've got you out into the light ... let's take a look at you.

Guilt and Shame ... Normal.

A pretty bad case of self flagellation ... sticky but treatable.

Miscarriage. Whew ... that's a tough road to walk. There's guys here who've lost kids. I'm sure they'll reach out at some point.

Doxxing ... yeah that's a risk. So's staying in the shadows.

But you know that, don't you. That's why you posted in the first place.

The point is ... you're here.

Yes, next stop is OYS.

The good part ... you're not alone now. Welcome, brother.

As for the rest of you faggots still lurking, sack up and post in OYS, while you still have a pair.

We don't bite.

Much.

[–]tom-anonymous2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're woman isn't the problem. You are. Stop lying to yourself and everyone else and own your Fear of being hurt. Allow yourself to feel the vulnerability. It's the only way forward.

Damn. I'm not OP, but this could have been written for me. I'm in the same boat as this guy except the pregnancy. I'm going to read this over and over because it hit home big time. Thank you.

[–]tom-anonymous3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

Many guys here are coming from a place where they've given complete power to their spouses over the years. So they're starting from the point where their SO's have the power in the relationship and they have to get it back. And so they're told to STFU, lift and read side bar.

I think this is the reason why it's been 2 days and you've gotten absolutely no response.

Your situation is different. I find it most interesting because it was the exact situation I was in when I made my transformation after finding out about my wife's "emotional" affair back in February.

You're getting very overt comfort tests from a very insecure woman. I got the same thing. She's constantly asking you if she's still #1, if she's the most beautiful woman in your eyes, if you look at anyone else, etc. And it doesn't seem to stop. It won't stop if you STFU

In fact STFU will increase her dread and it will heighten her anxiety. I think there might be a few guys in the same situation who have better advice.

However what seemed to work for me at the time was telling her straight out "Listen, I love you. You're important to me and you make my life better. However this constant need for validation and reassurance is driving me crazy and I don't find this behavior attractive. In fact, I want you to imagine if the roles were reversed. Would you find me attractive if I was constantly asking you the same?"

The response I got was "you are right". Women want to be attractive. They also find this exact kind of behavior repelling and unattractive in a man, so when you explain the logic to them in this way many seem to get it.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

The two days thing is because his post got caught by Automoderator and I've been on vacation. Newly created accounts get manually reviewed.

[–]tom-anonymous3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Got it. I knew something had to be off. Except for the pregnancy I'm in a similar spot as this guy. Ego. Swallowing and spitting/choking the red pill. Anger. I'm just going to shut up and read the comments because I need this ass kicking as much as he does.

[–]Reddreng[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for your thoughts. Ha and glad you’re getting something out of this.

[–]SiegreicherMarsch1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You may be overthinking this. If your wife is in a phase where she needs more than a forehead kiss, grab her face, look her in the eyes and say "HEY. I love you. I care for you. I want you around. Now let's go do _______". Then you lead her somewhere to distract her.

Sounds like you're worried about ruining your progress by saying things like this. If those things are true, what's the problem with saying them? Your daily actions show her you've no longer got her on a pedestal, no need to verbally explicate. Acta non verba.



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