I'm an insecure 22 year old virgin

mysoxrstinky · 2018-12-19T10:48:46+00:00

First off lets encourage the rationality of this sub first.

They also explained to me that girls don't care about intellectual things and talking to them about things relating to philosophy will make me look beta or intimidate them.

That's just straight bullshit. I don't know much about philosophy but I can Google "female philosopher" and find results relating to women who have lived throughout the millennia. I can Google "female mathematician" and find the same results. If women didn't care about these things why would Madam Curie have a Nobel Prize? You can look at history and refute this.

Sounds to me like you already think your friends are wrong but you just need support in that opinion. So here I am to lend my support.

It sounds to me like you did a stellar job with this date! You went on a nice date! You KISSED her!! Let's be clear. You kissed the second woman you dated!!!! Maybe you're a late bloomer in terms of age. But I went on a whole lot of awkward dates before I got a kiss mate. Yeah, she ended up saying no in the long run but you got a fantastic result. Celebrate that! You kissed her! Good Work!

Now, my feminist friends are going to say something like, "If the goal is just a physical interaction then you're in this game for the wrong reason. Women are not just sex objects and you shouldn't just be trying to get as far as you can when you go on a date. You should respect women as equals and value them as people. Sure, we cannot deny sexual attraction and its importance but this must not be the be all and end all." Well my friend do I have good news for you!

She said no and then said she would still hang out with you! You have potentially just made a meaningful emotional connection! You made her laugh and be comfortable even though she wasn't in it for the long term relationship. That is so massive! Let's linger on this achievement. You know how fucking hard it is to make friends as an adult? You kissed someone, a gaff that has taken more than its fair share of relationships down, and then that person wasn't so awkward they wanted to never speak to you again!!!!!! It sounds like your emotional quotient is right up there with your intelligence quotient. You should make a bigger deal of that! You're a fucking bad ass! High Five yourself!

Now I'm going to start with a few criticisms. Prepare yourself:
The idea of "Friend Zoning" has been thrown around for probably 10 - 15 years. Everybody knows what it is even if it is still controversial. Personally, 100% believe it exists but only think it is harmful in very rare circumstances. The new concept on the scene is "Fuck Zoning". This is the idea that you place some one in the category of physical relationship only and won't have any other sort of relationship with that person. Again, I think this is 100% real but way more destructive.

I think this may be what you risk doing with this woman and I want to encourage you not to. Who can provide you better tips on how to go on better dates than a person that has gone on an actual date with you?! Hang out with her. Become her friend. It really sounds like you need a lot more female friends. Be bold and ask her to help you make a tinder profile. Clearly you got along with her well enough to spend a bit of time with her. Take her out of the Fuck Zone man!

Lastly, if a woman shows her interest in you, she is showing her interest in you! It's obviously only first impressions so that person will want to spend more time with you usually we do this by going on dates. It does not surprise me that someone liked you, went on a date where you acted differently and then she rejected you. If I think I am going to drink a glass of Pepsi but get Orange Juice instead, I'm not going to be happy either. It's cliche but true: Be yourself.

You're practicing now and you're bound to make mistakes. According to this truly dubious source men on average will have 8 relationships, go on 3 disaster dates and kiss 16 people before they find their partner. You've done stats mate. Where are you on the bell curve right now?

Summary: You did an incredible job! A much better result than I think your allowing yourself to celebrate. You're insecure, man. We're all insecure. Like anything, dating takes practice. Give yourself time, push yourself out of your comfort zone and celebrate the wins! You're awesome!!

CyberLama · 2018-12-19T23:38:23+00:00

I think the other user really nailed the reply, but to double down on their sentiments, a couple tips:

1) Don't call yourself a 22 year old virgin. You're 22 years old. Sexual history should have little to no bearing on how you identify! I'm shocked you put "virgin" ahead of "mathematics grad student." Don't sell yourself short!

2) I know it's hard and the internet loves throwing these terms around, but try to not think of yourself and others in terms of "alpha" and "beta" behavior and actions. It's one of those things that makes a lot of TRPers really insecure, and they have little basis in actual human interaction. If you can stop seeing yourself through that lens, you get a lot more confident in your likes and dislikes and just expressing yourself. You love philosophy and nerding out over philosophers? Talk about it! Women like guys who are comfortable with themselves and what they like.

Hope that helps! Edit: I used "really" like 50 times.

VastScene · 2018-12-19T04:54:19+00:00

There isn't much I can say since you seem to be attempting to learn from your mistakes, but if you haven't checked it out already, try to hang with us over a /r/MensLib, It's a great place to get more perspective and ultimately understand yourself. I know you can overcome this.

rrroqitsci · 2018-12-20T03:46:17+00:00

Have you ever actually put yourself out there? Has any women seen the real you? Until you try that as an experiment, you’ll never know for sure if women will accept you as is.

BTW, since I’m of a technical background, I’ll point out you need to try at least 30 times before you have a sufficient number of tries to make a determination. So get out there and try. Be authentic!

powertothemonsters · 2018-12-21T01:26:06+00:00

Intelligence 👏 is 👏 sexy 👏 so please don't dumb yourself down for women. Being dumb will make you seem less attractive, especially as a long term partner. Any college-educated woman looking to date someone wants someone she can connect with on an intellectual level and learn things from, because looks decay over time, brains do not.

In regard to asking if you can kiss a girl, I personally think this is wonderful behavior. It shows respect and kindness. I'm not sure if you're based in the US but I notice that asking to kiss is something American men do; I haven't noticed it in other men, and I greatly appreciate it. I moved to the US in 2016 and the first guy who flirted with me asked, "Can I kiss you?" I was floored. It was just so sweet. Subsequently, almost all American men have asked before kissing (unless it's a very obvious "yes" to the kiss, like we're already in the dark leaning in). This behavior makes me feel safe and comfortable. I've told cousins this back home and they were surprised and a little envious. Where I'm from, men tend to forcefully go for what they want, then you have to push back and reject them, and their masculinities get hurt and they throw man-tantrums. ("You won't kiss me? You're probably a whore anyway. Or a lesbian. Or both.")
Honestly, maybe the reason why she second girl wasn't interested in continuing to date is because you covered up your intellectual side and seemed like a blockhead. You've already mentioned that you aren't lacking in the looks department, so the intellectual department needs to follow up.

Also, think of it this way, imagine you cover up your intelligence and begin to date a girl. Throughout your relationship you'd be lying about a core part of who you are. You wouldn't be happy in this type of relationship.

fademeprobably · 2018-12-20T03:51:54+00:00

Being your true self, in this case very interested in your majors, and even well read is extremely attractive just in a general sense. Owning this and not caring if anyone else doesn't also like the things you like will exude confidence and make people love you for being so genuine.

Ironically not caring about what people think leads to the best outcome, generally speaking, of people thinking positively about you.

Your book smarts alone probably won't be making girls throw themselves at you but having confidence in who you are (and what you're into) will make girls very attracted.

rrroqitsci · 2018-12-20T11:25:22+00:00

I’m glad you liked it. Feel free to share it with your friends. It’s tough being a blogger nowadays.

NormiesRiseUp · 2018-12-23T06:45:47+00:00

Reading the posts here there is some advice but mostly they're lying to you man. Your friends are on the right course.

Boring girls with subjects they don't care about and being nervous to touch them is really really bad for female attraction.

Be bold, throw out the idea of romance for now and focus on getting your dick wet.

I was kind of like you and you're headed for major depression if you don't fix this shit. Get off this sub.

Title	I'm an insecure 22 year old virgin
Author	thetzimisce
Upvotes	10
Comments	12
Date	December 19, 2018 4:11 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/a7ixa8/im_an_insecure_22_year_old_virgin/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/im-an-insecure-22-year-old-virgin.299929 https://theredarchive.com/post/299929

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