Phil's April Update

rocknrollchuck · 2018-04-19T20:54:36+00:00

Looks like you've implemented a plan that works. Congratulations, that is half the battle! And you are making significant progress too, which means that your plan is a good one and you are sticking to it.

I will ask you what u/Red-Curious asked you last time: What's your mission? I believe this is the cause of the "bleakness" in your life.

Red-Curious · 2018-04-20T15:52:20+00:00

What is it about this woman that makes her different from every other woman in the world? Give me very specific examples - at least 5 traits that no other woman you've met has.

Let me also ask this: other than emotions (which I promise will fade), what value does her presence in your life add that you can't get anywhere else?

JT-Anderson · 2018-04-20T13:33:04+00:00

Don't get too hung up on finding the "right" mission. Just pick something compelling to you right now that you can visualize.

A beautiful woman is something you can visualize and it aligns with God's purpose (be fruitful and multuply.)

The key is, you want A beautiful woman, not a PARTICULAR beautiful woman. As soon as you start thinking of a wife as a "gift" that you may or may not receive, you have a scarcity mindset and will repulse women with beta behavior.

In terms of a plan, I'd recommend the following:

Decide how "hot" of a girl you need to be satisfied (1-10 scale).
Pick a niche you can naturally excell at AND has a significant number of female participants or audience members (e.g. football, jazz, poetry, classic literature, ballet, whatever)
Improve yourself until you become in the top 1% of men in your niche (physical training, difficult reading, mastering your craft)
Select a woman from among those who show interest in you.

The "mission" is whatever truly motivates you to get started. The spiritual value comes from how you handle the struggles to get there and the character you develop in the process.

Deep_Strength · 2018-04-25T12:15:04+00:00

Hope I'm not too late.

First, re:porn

Luke 11:24 “When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’ 25 When it arrives, it finds the house swept clean and put in order. 26 Then it goes and takes seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first.”

Basically, if you only "remove porn" from your life, but don't fill it up with other things (e.g. reading your Bible, prayer, etc.) then it's easy to fall back into familiar sinful patterns. The goal is not to simply remove a bad habit but to also instill good habits. Dwelling on "not looking at porn" is the same thing as having it on your mind a lot which tends to focus your attention on it which tempts you more to want to do it. Shift your mind away from 'avoiding temptation' to other things. You'll find it gets much easier as you do that.

Not the original context of the verse but similar analogy.

Second, Guilt: If you've repented to God, you are forgiven. Christians often wrap chains of guilt around themselves and sit in prison voluntarily castigating themselves for their failures when the reality is that Christ has already broken those chains and set you free. Drop the chains and walk out of the prison. Chuck the guilt. As said in the earlier point, dwelling on the sin and guilt (which has already been forgiven) is continually tempting you to sin, which makes it easy to fall back into old habits.

Third, re: oneitis

Most of the others have covered it well. Here's my take.

Objectively, your feelings and anxiety are hindering your God given position in marriage: to be the leader. How can be a good leader if you are continually flung to and fro by your emotions? Ground yourself on the Scriptures and pray persistently for an increase in peace. Take your thoughts captive to Christ.

Full stop: Has she done anything to not have your trust? If not, then it's not something to worry about. Losing faith and trust is a ticket to the exit of a relationship.

Our God is a God of hope not despair. She is human and she will sin. There are times when she will even sin against you. The key in these times is to help her on the road to sanctification. Gentle instruct her if she is off track. Now, if she is continually unwilling to follow your lead or repent if sin is pointed out that can be a red flag. But if that's not present, why worry about?

Fourth,

It's sad because I feel that I've made progress, but I feel nothing about it. I still feel like a fraud and failure that can't be happy by himself, and stupid because of how much this "Christian, quality" woman affects me. There's moments when my trust in God and his plan is strong, but most of the time I just feel lost in a storm.

God has entrusted you and me and many other Christian men with the position of husband, despite how we feel like frauds or failures at times. Yes, we do sin and make errors in judgment.

But let's not forgot that our goal is not to be successful (although that comes with the process), it's to please God by doing it to the best of our ability at all times. Ask yourself: how can you please God? It's not by wallowing in self pity or bemoaning your lack of qualifications. God doesn't require that people have good qualifications -- he used a bunch of fisherman, a tax collector, and a pharisee. He uses those who are willing to serve him. That's you right? You are willing to follow Him? So go do it.

Title	Phil's April Update
Author	hello_im_phil
Upvotes	6
Comments	25
Date	April 19, 2018 7:30 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/8dheha/phils_april_update/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/phils-april-update.301960 https://theredarchive.com/post/301960