So what can you negotiate?

SkimTheDross · 2019-12-13T10:30:22+00:00

First off - good job on the lifts. You’ve put in a lot of work.

It sounds like you have a covert contract hanging around. “If I get hot she’ll want to have sex with me”. Probably the pinnacle number one convert contract we career betas generate when we launch into this journey. Replace that covert contract with a facet of your mission.

For me, fitness is a necessity. I see so many 50, 60 and 70 year old men around me that can’t participate fully in their life and be there for their sphere of influence. I’m striving to see my strength, resilience and endurance as a critical component of my mission. If it generates tingles in my wife’s panties, that’s a fun bonus.

I’m also picking up that you’re over thinking how to interact with your wife. Be fun, dude. Sounds like you’re building emotional connection. Your wife needs that. I went through a time where I pulled that component thinking I was managing time and attention. It was like rationing water to a plant. Sure, it might live - but it didn’t thrive.

Learn to share your emotions in a healthy, masculine fashion. I’m not one of the guys that has the links handy - but there’s some good ones on this sub and MRP.

Keep at it, bro. There’s no finish line.

Red-Curious · 2019-12-17T07:09:51+00:00

You can negotiate compliance. That's about it. Anything internal has to be there on its own. Often-times, even if the desire is there, negotiating compliance doesn't make the desire come with it. For example: I've had situations where I wanted to perform a task at work. Then my boss would come and tell me I had to do that task. Instead of thinking, "That's great, I wanted to do that anyway!" the mandatory compliance took the fun out of it, so my desire to do the task suddenly felt like an obligation - even though I still had the desire for it too. It sucked.

The same thing is true in any other number of areas. Thinking small? Serving my neighbors when a pastor then starts pressuring the congregation on service. Thinking big? Giving to the homeless when the government starts raising taxes to fund social welfare.

The government can negotiate my compliance through executive force (military, police, etc.). My congregation leader can negotiate compliance through access to influence (i.e. if I want to have influence in the congregation, I have to play ball with him, lest he shut me out). My boss can negotiate compliance through economic pressure.

None of them can negotiate how I feel about something or what I think - and often times trying to negotiate any of this into me destroys any natural desire I might otherwise have, or at least precludes me from being able to experience and express my desire in the process.

Deep_Strength · 2019-12-13T18:50:52+00:00

You can't really negotiate anything. Everyone has to do something of their own free will. But you can influence in a godly manner.

Main thing would be keep initiating, don't get butt hurt. Keep leading. Build the trust and intimacy. Don't be results oriented. Be process oriented.

Praexology · 2020-01-22T19:54:59+00:00

Yet, now that she has desire, it seems like she's not sure what to do with it (and scared she's gonna get burned again by the old me). It seems like we need to negotiate the when/where/how of establishing a healthy sex life as a married couple.

Stop trying to read her mind. Its a stupid game to try to predict what shes thinking. It will take time for her to realize you're now a sober captain instead of a drunk who can't find their booze. As you move along she'll realize the new you is here to stay instead of being blown away by a breeze.

Title	So what can you negotiate?
Author	CarelessBowler5
Upvotes	7
Comments	4
Date	December 13, 2019 2:09 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askRPC
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askRPC/comments/e9xh9i/so_what_can_you_negotiate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askRPC/so-what-can-you-negotiate.304593 https://theredarchive.com/post/304593