Self-conscious about things I cannot change immediately.

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September 9, 2019
6 upvotes

I lost a lot of weight and, despite lifting 4 times a week and packing on some muscle, I'm still left with some loose skin and gnarly stretch marks. I also have a ton of acne scars all over my chest and stomach from years ago. This is has all made me super self-conscious about taking my shirt off in front of people in general, but especially girls. I refuse to take my shirt off at the beach or go in the pool. I'm currently in an LTR going on 3 months and I can tell she is sensing I have an issue with taking my shirt off - for example, her parents have a pool and I always have an excuse not to go in even when everyone else is.

I'm assuming the play is to NOT mention my insecurity around these issues and seek to improve them somehow, but what do I do in the meantime?

For reference of how terribly my skin is, I've here's a before/after of when I lost weight (still working on losing and lifting):

https://imgur.com/a/7idVpyR


Post Information
Title Self-conscious about things I cannot change immediately.
Author Awayhethrows1961
Upvotes 6
Comments 14
Date 09 September 2019 03:33 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askRPC
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/304634
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askRPC/comments/d1sgv8/selfconscious_about_things_i_cannot_change/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
long term relationshiplift
Comments

[–]redwall923 points4 points  (11 children) | Copy

Can you do anything about the stretch marks today/tomorrow? If so, then what are you going to do about it?

Can you do anything about the acne today/tomorrow? If so, then what are you going to do about it?

...

Can you do anything about the stretch marks or acne yesterday? NO.

Do you want to swim without a shirt on? Do you want to go in the pool?

'You do you' is a huge weight off of your shoulders if you decide you'll just do you and not care about what everybody else thinks.

[–] points  (10 children) | Copy

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[–]redwall921 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

So you're living your life doing what you think your LTR wants?

[–] points  (2 children) | Copy

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[–]redwall920 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Do you care about being overweight? Or do you care what everybody else thinks?

Can you do anything about being overweight today or in the future? If so, then what are you doing about it?

Do you care about having bad skin? Or do you care what everybody else thinks?

Can you do anything about having bad skin today or in the future? If so, then what are you doing about it?

You need a healthy does of 'you do you' man. You can't do the relationship. You can't do her thoughts about you. You can only control what you can control.

If you can't control your weight, then I don't know what to tell you.

If having bad skin is really out of your control, then align your thoughts with the reality that it is out of your control. If there's something you can change (ie. see a dr about the skin), then by all means ... do it because you want to.

[–]Red-Curious0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

If you get married, are you going to have sex with your shirt on too? Gotta get used to it, brother. Use it as motivation to get in shape.

[–] points  (4 children) | Copy

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[–]Red-Curious1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well ... that was unexpected. In that case, as others have said: stop caring so much. So what if others mock you? Does their judgment of you matter? Galatians 1:10 - "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ."

Memorize that verse.

[–]Willow-girl1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Chicks dig scars, though! Just make up an interesting backstory, like the time you fought off a knife-wielding mugger ... ;-)

[–]redwall922 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This seems to come naturally to some, and others seem to internalize the criticism.

I've got a 16yo son who is great at the witty stories and the fun. I actually envy him and the way he spouts off at the mouth sometimes. He has yet to find a knob to 'dial it down' much as a teenager, but I still admire his wit. I hope to find a knob to 'dial it up' in my own life. It's fun to watch.

Then I have a 13yo son who internalizes any sort of criticism. He doesn't know how to put a good spin on things. He can't make fun of himself in a good way. It gets personal with him very quickly ... sounds like the OP here.

We all have our struggles.

[–]redwall920 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

sex with girls with my shirt on 100% of the time

Wow. I'm a skin to skin guy all the time when possible. Sex with a shirt on is rare for me. Definitely a quickie when it does happen. If my wife and I are at home and it's happening (in private), then the clothes (shirts included) are getting worked off one way or another.

You updated your OP with the before/after pics. It's your body, man. Either keep working on your time machine and trying to change the past, or keep working on you. If surgery is in line with your goals down the road, then surgery for the extra skin. My wife had a tummy tuck done about a year ago. The five kids she grew in her womb did a number on her body. She decided to get a tummy tuck. And honestly, I'm more attracted to that part of her body now. Some things are within our control.

Looking at your pics ... yeah, you could be more attractive if you lost weight and then had some surgery done. Not going to tell you you're a 10. You know you're not. Question is ... what are you doing to improve? What's in your control, and what are you going to do about it?

[–]Deep_Strength2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

If your overweight and bad skin changes how she feels about you, then she's not a good choice to be with in the long run.

Own it (and obviously work on improving musculature in the meantime) and don't worry about things like this. Women will generally self select themselves out of your life if they don't like something about you. That's fine. You wouldn't want to be with someone who changes their opinions on a whim like that.

[–]Red-Curious2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Women will generally self select themselves out of your life if they don't like something about you

Right. Polarization, per Models. Rejection in this fashion is not a bad thing; it's a time-saver.

You wouldn't want to be with someone who changes their opinions on a whim like that.

Eh ... AWALT. Most girls are going to change their opinions pretty readily for an attractive guy. It's not surprising that they'll change them to go against the grain of a guy they're not attracted to. The issue is more of finding out if you're in the majority with regard to how women assess attractive qualities. Most women aren't going to care about a few stretch marks if they're tied to a 6-pack today. So, if she's in the minority, then so be it - he just shouldn't let it get to him. But if he's in the majority for what women find unattractive, then it's not just her taste that's the problem there.

[–]Rifleshoot0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Depending on how old you are, the loose skin will eventually tighten up. And if it doesn’t, save up for a cosmetic surgery to remove the excess skin. Ideally, though, the skin will tighten up on its own. I’ve lost roughly 55 pounds myself and I’m showing some loose skin. Believe me, the loose skin looks better than outright fat to most people. Keep lifting weights and your muscles should compensate a little.



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