Title parodying Breaking Bad.

Note: for cases of domestic abuse, abuse of any kind, and rape none of what happened was your fault. Mental health disorders and disabilities are also not your fault, thank you for doing your best whatever that is.

In the past I've been a pickme, and one thread that linked all my relationships with friends and partners was the victim mentality.

According to TalkSpace "https://www.talkspace.com/blog/deal-with-victim-mentality/", "This type of mindset — deflecting responsibility for your actions and viewing yourself as a victim of the actions of others — is known as “victim mentality.” Victim mentality is an acquired personality trait that can have severely negative impacts."

Basically, everything bad that has happened to me is the fault of the world and other people.

The truth was that yes people, the guys I dated especially, did hurt me and did treat me badly but I enable that behavior by staying around for it and putting myself lower than them. All I did was complain about how bad my relationships were while doing NOTHING or nothing positive to change it.

Have you ever had a friend or been the friend who goes on and on about how dating is hard nowadays and you're so lonely? Those feelings and thoughts are valid, but if all you do is complain about it then that'll never get you anywhere.

  1. Complain then change! "He treats me so badly." "I'm so fat." "My life is a mess." Shouldn't be the end of story. "I broke up with him." "I do an online workout program or take walks around the block." "I get up and shower and did some cleaning today." Don't stay stuck if you have the ability to make a difference in your own life. It doesn't need to be a dramatic shift. You don't need to break up with him and move to another country. You don't need to join CrossFit and drop 100lbs. You don't need to clean your entire apartment. Start small changes that lead to big ones.
  2. Own up to your part. "I didn't do anything wrong." If he cheated on you, that was not your fault. However, if you overlooked red flags like him saying he cheated in past relationships, noticing how flirty he was, girls messaging you about his shady behavior, etc. Ask yourself WHY you thought it was acceptable. Ask yourself why you felt like you didn't deserve better. Own your part even if it was 10% of the problem own 100% of that 10%. You should blame him for what he did as wrong, but what can you learn from this experience? If we take the "I didn't do anything wrong" approach then we rob ourselves of a learning experience.
  3. Stop being a passenger in your own life. "He wont define the relationship." "Should I ask him where this is going?" "I think I'm his girlfriend but he never officially asked me..." all this is behavior of a woman who lets other people decide what happens to her life. She doesn't decide if she wants to be the girlfriend to a noncommittal guy. She pushes a guy who obviously isn't interested in a relationship to define said relationship instead of leaving. She waits for him to make a move for her life to move instead of moving to her own pace and if he can't keep up he keeps out.
  4. Stop codependency. A codependent relationship means you care more about his problems than your own. He has a drug addiction? Let's get him to therapy. Let's find him rehab centers. Let's stop focusing on my own life and my own real problems to fix HIM. Or maybe he's depressed. Let's find him a good therapist. Let's book the appointment and drive him there. Let's make sure he takes his medication everyday and read 1000s of self-help books on depression. Again, you stop your life to fix his. But you know what? That's what a MOM does. Because we are dependent on our MOM. Not our girlfriend or wife. You are not being nice, you are disrespecting YOURSELF. He can fix his own problems. Yes you can support him, but that doesn't mean you fix him or do all the work for him. Don't think you should fix a man or his issues, it's an endless cycle and eventually he either drains you out or he leaves you when he gets better because you remind him of a "bad time in his life". Then you cry and are left so emotionally exhausted you have nothing left except for the feeling that you were used.
  5. Say no! "He said we could stay friends." "He said we could test things out (3 months in)." "He likes me but he's still married/in a relationship/living with his ex/it's complicated." Stop accepting half hearted relationships girl! You are giving 100% and he's giving maybe 30% so you pour and pour yourself out hoping to get him to 100% but all you get is 30% back no matter how hard you try. You know what? You have REAL friends who didn't or wouldn't treat you the way your ex did. You are NOT a test car for a guy to try out until he finds a newer model. You are a person who deserves a real relationship. You do NOT have time to waste as a guy "figures out" his situation. You are moving on and if he figures it out its not with you mixed up in the mess between his sort of ex-wife/gf/baby mama drama.