It's my 10-year cake day and FDS is the best thing I found on reddit. The advice on here is true and thank you all for contributing.

I'm in my mid-thirties, I've lived on two continents and in four countries, been in a lot of relationships from over six years long, to short flings, with both HVMs and LVMs. I've reached this point where somehow FDS crystallized all these lessons I've learnt. I broke up with an LVM who tried very hard to pass as an HVM this year and recently got with someone I've been friends with for years. He is so refreshingly different (one example is how he deals with our disagreements or miscommunications in a calm and diplomatic manner—and he stays present after them and makes me feel loved) that I'm forced to acknowledge all the red flags I accepted in the past that get mentioned here. Chief among them: the difference between future faking and actual commitment. LVMs the past five years always future faked with some vague grandiose ideas about our future lives together, "I think about the beautiful children we'd have!", "we'll buy a big house and have x, y, z in it", bla bla. I'm sure they enjoyed my company and wanted me around but they didn't want more. Current partner and I had a text miscommunication yesterday that led me to ask in cold hard diplomatic terms what he wants with me.

He confirmed what I read on here again and again and made it abundantly clear that even though it's only been two months (and we've known each other three years) he is more serious about me than anyone in the past, and wants things to work out and will put in the work for that to happen—he has shown this every single time. No grandiose talk about our future doing some awesome thing, or about how I'm his "dreamgirl" or "he can't live without me" and all the other BS I've heard in the past, just an honest conversation. I can't explain how different it feels, it just does. A month ago he applied for a job in another country for the end of next year (academia) and explained that even if he got an offer it would be a decision we would take together. And he has consistently shown that he takes my into consideration, not just said it.

Someone on here once commented that men know within three months what they want with you: long-term, marriage, fling.. and I think it's true. It's not even always an age thing; an HVM I was with fifteen years ago also knew immediately and made it clear that he wanted to get married to me, he actually displayed every green flag I've read about on here in the appropriate amount of time (I was way too young and inexperienced to appreciate it at the time, I thought the world was full of HVMs like him, haha..). And this was in Europe and not in an anglo-saxon country. It actually shocks me how despite cultural differences with relationships, this stuff still stands.

It doesn't mean it has to work out with my current partner, or that I'm going to stop vetting and I have told him this, I could also change my mind, but I just really wanted to tell you wonderful ladies not to waste your time. They know. They just do. If they don't, get out.