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auracleapp
[β][deleted] 146 points147 points148 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
This is true except for the total matches should be 100,000. There will still be a shit load of beta orbiting cucks happy to date this fine woman.
[β]THUNDERBUTTBALLKICKR93 points94 points95 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Plus her age needs to be late 30s and "ready to settle down"
[β]RRFdevSr. Hamster Analyst58 points59 points60 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
And have 6 kids, 2 for each baby daddy.
[β]BobbingForBunions19 points20 points21 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And her kids are her entire world.
If you're not man enough to handle that, you best be swiping left.
[β]ClassyFussy5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Nope. And have 6 daddies, 2 kids for each of em.
[β]CrashedonMars5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
young Shiquina has autism.. you have to be sensitive
[β][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Plenty of Ambers fit the bill too.
[β]IoSonCalaf29 points30 points31 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
But the lack of punctuation and written in all caps is spot on.
[β]therevaj3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Naw. They'd be missing half the qualifications, such as: -Strong man -Doesn't cry -Bad boy -Really good looking
[β]DarthCallidous83 points84 points85 points 4 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Want to know what my requirements are?
Be honest. Be loyal. Don't be 300 pounds.
Nothing has worked out though.
[β]BigwoodyMMXVIII20 points21 points22 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
But are you following those requirements?
[β]DarthCallidous45 points46 points47 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Well, I'm about 180 pounds, I've never cheated, and while I have told lies (and probably will in the future) I'm honest about important things.
[β]BigwoodyMMXVIII22 points23 points24 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Mate I wasnβt being serious, lol, but good on you, keep your policies and standards up
[β]DarthCallidous15 points16 points17 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Oh...
[β]BigwoodyMMXVIII10 points11 points12 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Whoosh moment?
[β]DarthCallidous15 points16 points17 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I think that counts.
[β]where_muh_good_mensSheriff Goodmonkey7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
To be fair, I couldn't tell if he was joking either, or really what the joke is now that he said it was one.
[β]_Mido1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Idk what was supposed to be funny in his question.
[β]RRFdevSr. Hamster Analyst2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I do have many requirements, but one that that many women fail in my country is..................
Split bill.
OH MY GOD, THE HORROR!
[β]Redhood6160 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
When it comes to splitting the bill i always get the βIβm feminist but when it comes to dating Iβm traditionalβ response
[β]BoskOfPortKar0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Be honest. Be loyal.
Delusional.
[β]chakradab33 points34 points35 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ya its funny because this woman is likely a single 32 yr old who doesnt have any life skills and has nothing to offer such a perfect man. Not like any man like that is straight lmao.
[β]PHUCK_THE_HIVE19 points20 points21 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ya, it's the constant paradoxical expectations that kills relationship, and then when you "logically" try to explain it, you get the whole it's not about logic, it's about feeeeeelings.
Bullshit I put a lot of my feelings into my logic, they aren't mutually exclusive. That's just excuses.
[β]lurkerhasarisen 1 points 4 years ago* [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
If I was better with Excel I would consider making a spreadsheet that would allow women to input their criteria for men and have it calculate the number and percentage of men who fit those criteria. When people used to meet in meat-space this was a lot different, but with computer algorithms that can screen out anyone who doesn't meet every single preference a woman has, women get the idea that they can just go online and custom-order a man the way they order a gluten-free, skinny, half-caff mocha-latte with extra foam, as if their smartphone was some man-dispenser with multiple drop-down windows. This gives them the illusion of a multitude of Alpha Bucks dudes on the shelf just waiting for her to tire of sleeping with other men.
Now that I think about it, there would be a separate column wherein they would put their own information, such as age, weight, height, bastard kids, debt, etc, and have the program spit out a score for their SMV.
There would be a whole lot of,
"0.0004% of men match all of your criteria. There are approximately 2 such men within a 500-mile radius of your current location, and several hundred thousand single women in that area. You are at the 16th percentile of SMV. Do you wish to adjust your criteria?"
[β]RRFdevSr. Hamster Analyst2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Why bother? The spreadsheet checklist is for the beta bux guys. It's her way of subconsciously justifying herself to reject every single men except for the Chads, Jakes and Tyrones.
And for these guys, there's only two criteria to fulfill:
A- Good looking
B- Down to fuck
That's literally it. If he's an asshole the woman will hamster away saying he's an exciting bad boy. If he's actually a good person the woman will hamster away saying he's a gentleman. If he's a bum she will just say that she doesn't care about status or money.
A woman will always center her actual criteria upon sexual attraction and then mold the rest of the traits upon that central point. In other words, if you spark her tingles, everything else is a-okay.
FACEandLMS for sure.
[β]BoskOfPortKar1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Funny. Still, the system we have is already based on offer/demand.
[β]rationalthought314Jr. Hamster Analyst13 points14 points15 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
And the irony is even if such a man could be found (or created with futuristic cloning technology) she would still find something wrong with him.
[β]CavannahSr. Hamster Analyst3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And immediately try to change him
[β]where_muh_good_mensSheriff Goodmonkey10 points11 points12 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Everything in this is subtly backwards including the title. But ehhh it's the weekend, shove it through.
[β]jrpark0511 points12 points13 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Love the wine glass.
A habit is forming....
[β]CantBanFacts10 points11 points12 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It is shitty how true this is.
[β]RealMcGonzoJr. Hamster Analyst8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She's not fat enough and no tats. Other than that, perfect.
[β]Captainbuttman4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The wine glass is a nice touch
[β]YYCchatterbox2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
What i'm most bothered about is that wine glass tipping over.
[β]NohoTwoPointOhJr. Hamster Analyst5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don't worry. If it wasn't already empty, the cats will cash her change.
[β]RealMcGonzoJr. Hamster Analyst1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Needs a cat to knock it over. . .
[β]upstagedalacazar2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Funny comic and all, but the wine glass is what really made this for me.
[β]OilHaulerND1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No ladies? No gentlemen. Supply and demand.
[β]TruthSeekingPerson1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I love the wine glass.
[β]apekingorange0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nice, even though it's just to advertise yet another dating app.
[β]nervous13010 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
True...
[β]MrBluePill0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Since more women made it into management and got funnelled in via overblown HR departments, job descriptions have started doing the same thing.
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[β][deleted] 146 points147 points148 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[β]THUNDERBUTTBALLKICKR93 points94 points95 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[β]RRFdevSr. Hamster Analyst58 points59 points60 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[β]BobbingForBunions19 points20 points21 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[β]ClassyFussy5 points6 points7 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[β]CrashedonMars5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[β][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[β]IoSonCalaf29 points30 points31 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[β]therevaj3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[β]DarthCallidous83 points84 points85 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[β]BigwoodyMMXVIII20 points21 points22 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[β]DarthCallidous45 points46 points47 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[β]BigwoodyMMXVIII22 points23 points24 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[β]DarthCallidous15 points16 points17 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[β]BigwoodyMMXVIII10 points11 points12 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[β]DarthCallidous15 points16 points17 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[β]where_muh_good_mensSheriff Goodmonkey7 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[β]_Mido1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[β]RRFdevSr. Hamster Analyst2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[β]Redhood6160 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[β]BoskOfPortKar0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[β]chakradab33 points34 points35 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[β]PHUCK_THE_HIVE19 points20 points21 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[β]lurkerhasarisen 1 points [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
[β]RRFdevSr. Hamster Analyst2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[β]BoskOfPortKar0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[β]BoskOfPortKar1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[β]rationalthought314Jr. Hamster Analyst13 points14 points15 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[β]CavannahSr. Hamster Analyst3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[β]where_muh_good_mensSheriff Goodmonkey10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[β]jrpark0511 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[β]CantBanFacts10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[β]RealMcGonzoJr. Hamster Analyst8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[β]Captainbuttman4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[β]YYCchatterbox2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[β]NohoTwoPointOhJr. Hamster Analyst5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[β]RealMcGonzoJr. Hamster Analyst1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[β]upstagedalacazar2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[β]OilHaulerND1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[β]TruthSeekingPerson1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[β]apekingorange0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[β]nervous13010 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[β]MrBluePill0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link