I will spare you all the details. Basically I grew up as an atheist because my older brother who is radically atheist influenced me as a teen. I was baptized protestant though.

What it comes down to is that I feel I did it all: I tried girls, dating, travelling, I have a job, I am in shape, I went through college, etc. Etc. But everything felt empty to me.

On top of that I have literally 0 friends now or social circles (my only 2 uni friends - one moved abroad, one got a GF and never see him anymore). I literally do nothing with my life except work, eat, train, sleep.

I feel the world brings me nothing good. I have been delving into Christianity the past months and my faith is growing but it is very weak. I really want to believe. I pray for God to give me faith, and to show me what he wants me to do with my life.

I read some testimonies and the gospel, and cried when I realized Jesus Christ even died for someone like me who feels unworthy of anything. I had a near death experience and a miraculous doctor and recovery saved me. I wonder everyday why I survived, what is it God wants me to do in this world? Why did God give me this second chance at life?

So here I am at age 25, all alone in the middle of a pandemic with weak faith and nobody in my life (except my parents who I love very much, and cat). I don't have a church (I don't belong anywhere and they are locally all closed due to covid lockdowns anyway).

Where do I even start? I am still relatively young now, but if I don't turn this around soon I will have lived an uneventful and lonely life...