Chick dumps me

throwaway69764 · 2020-03-26T16:04:19+00:00

You fell into her frame.

theUnBannableHulk · 2020-03-26T16:11:02+00:00

Oof, shouldn’t have fallen into her frame and said goodbye
Shouldn’t have reinitiated
She sounds old AF probably 24+
Don’t text her again, let her fuck off or reinitiate
She needs some comfort, don’t meet her anywhere, invite her over and fuck

Friendly-Casper · 2020-03-26T16:43:19+00:00

You were doing good up until that moment you texted her to meet up after you told her goodbye. If you had just waited, she'd have come crawling right back. The save was when you said you were meeting up with someone else after you fell into her frame by texting her again. She got jealous after that. Don't text her anymore. Let that drama play out in her head. If she wants it bad enough, she'll message you later. Otherwise, the thing you need to learn is to know when you've said enough. You're killing yourself when tell them goodbye and then contact them later. Always wait for them to message you back after something like that.

i-am-the-prize · 2020-03-26T17:04:39+00:00

" This is so exciting! "

OMG thank you for that. i just spit soup onto my monitor. covid-hot-zone-alert.

best line of the day. good to see you're enthusiastic...

my take:

her: " "if you want to see other women, tell me Goodbye and go ahead"

you: <ignore, dont' reply> let it simmer.

her at some point later: "so????"

you: some variant of: come over

if she pushes again for an answer, then you know she's a next, either no response or (if she's hot and you want to bang): "i assumed you were kidding, this is a lot of drama about nothing, later."

and either she bounces or she comes over, and is then in your Frame about her actions being drama about nothing.

alphakari · 2020-03-26T20:40:30+00:00

Whenever you hear a woman declare how it's going to be, your first instinct should be to deny the foundation of her attempt to seize leadership.

"If you want to see other women, tell me Goodbye and go ahead."

Why do you have to listen to her? This is just her flailing to show she's willing to walk away, except here's the squeeze. Women can handle it if you walk away from them, but they really struggle to make the choice to walk away from you without you giving them some impetus.

By taking either of her choices, you give her a path forward that her hamster is satisfied with, but we want the hamster always running, because there's no world where you win with a woman unless her hamster is on your side. By saying goodbye, you put the hamster against you.

Never trust a woman's attempt to tell you what to do. There's almost always fuckery. Do not think when she offers you choices, she's being honorable. She doesn't even realize what she's doing, she's just trying to take things to a path that makes her feel better. The solution here was to decline both her frames, and lead her to a frame where she can handle the fact you may fuck other women. That or straight lie to her, which tbh is easier but messier.

texted her if she wants to meet up, she told me she's busy and can't. A little while later, she texts me again

While texting her here kinda makes you look a little slimy, it also puts it on her to reject you outright, which as mentioned, she struggles with that. Girls can't handle something like regret. Their frame is nonexistent, and is liquid, morphing to suit her purpose. This has strength in letting them be the fucked up narcissists they are, but also makes them indecisive and effeminate.

"if you really want me, and not the sex, meet me at some store yada-yada..."

Vying for fwb or to turn you into an orbiter. Not entirely clear tbh. She herself probably doesn't even know at the time of sending you this.

already arranged plans with someone else (didn't specify the gender/who it was).

My impression here is you only told her this to make her jealous, but I don't think that's necessary. This whole thing started with her jealousy. She wants to still associate with you, her hamster just needs food to spin a tale to make her swallow the situation.

Dread is for when a girl is too comfortable, or is misbehaving, but this isn't what's happening here. She's actually super uncomfortable as is, and is searching for an angle to her messy connection with you to no longer be messy. She wants to see your relationship in a light that makes her feel good. That can be one where she feels important to you, or one where you give her an excuse to cut you out.

So soon?

She doesn't like that you filled your schedule immediately after she rejected you. Proof she's replaceable. There's no frame for her to take that leads to walking back to you. Hamster working overtime against you.

Lessons:

Don't combat a woman's frame over text, ever. When she puts a frame in conflict with you, force her to articulate it verbally so that she can be forced to confront her arrogance. When you sense this, you either ignore what she said, you call her, or you tell her to call you at x time. Do not explain why. If you have to, force her to end it just because you refuse to have a serious conversation over text, because that is not food the average woman's hamster can stomach. (Though you will see impressive hamster acrobatics in your time.)
When a woman frames your relationship in a negative light, do not let her do it for free. Do not let her imply being your plate is a disgraceful position for her. Do not let her imply it's weird that you guys only meet to fuck. When she tells you "Do this, or do that." You give her an option C. Do not admit her negativity is accurate without forcing her to fight for it, or unless YOU think its negative.
Girls need impetus to do anything. She can't come up with righteous frames internally, they come from outside, and then she processes. The processing is the hamster. The reason she gave you those two options is both options lead to her having a narrative her hamster can work with. But you want the hamster spinning in your favor, and you do that by infecting it with a tale that is favorable to you. Patrice O'Neal calls it "Giving her an option." IE: You give her an alternative way of thinking. Alternatively, you can just not play the game, and without impetus, the hamster will often (but not always) naturally seek you out for something to react to.
Understand the difference between a girl being a cunt, and a girl vying for commitment. A girl being a cunt is testing you. A girl vying for commitment isn't something you dread for. What you might dread for is the misbehavior her vying for commitment might inspire, but the actual desire to marry you is not something you dread for. You want her to want that. If she doesn't eventually want that, she doesn't like you that much tbh. Girls love us, we like them.

CochinoChingon · 2020-03-26T16:08:41+00:00

You fucked up by asking her if she wanted to meet up after you text "Goodbye". Everything after that is down hill.

She might have been interested in still seeing you, and might have messaged I'm another day or two to hang out. But you went into her frame and she told you to meet her at a store. At least you didn't, but you fucked up.

Just quit messaging her while your still behind in time she might come back around. Just don't count on it, think of it as a nice surprise you might get in a few months.

Snowboard18 · 2020-03-26T17:46:51+00:00

Yeah your frame broke pretty badly

jja221 · 2020-03-26T18:19:07+00:00

You let her bait you into drama. You also killed your own mystery.

When a girl tests by asking things like this, I personally never answer directly. Let the question linger in her head. Your past relationships aren't any of her concern.

Also, some women take note of who keeps their secrets or not. You declining to tell her about your past sexual experiences is an indicator that you'll keep your moments with her a secret too. You'll rarely ever get a woman to break out of her shell and go for her freaky fantasies if she knows you'll be telling anyone who asks. This is especially true if you have mutual friends.

"If you want to see other women tell me goodbye and go ahead" leave on read. You answering this question gives her closure and the ability to conclude "he's just an asshole." No response leaves the story open ended and induces more mystery.

longjeep2005 · 2020-03-26T20:03:26+00:00

For one, you should never bring up chicks you’ve banged to anybody except your buddies. It’s distasteful and weak; girls accurately perceive that you’re bragging about it, which shows your lack of abundance. If you are a high value man, sex isn’t a rarity, and you’d have no desire to bring up previous partners.

She caught you playing bitch games, you didn’t mean it when you said goodbye and now you flipped in no more than a day. You’re best off stopping these mindfuck experiments and focusing more on yourself, and less on girls

AnonymousSportsExec · 2020-03-27T06:13:30+00:00

The last thing she said sums it up. You're a great guy (she likes you), but I don't need this kind of relationship (you're playing childish games.

If you want to have sex with her, have sex with her and don't play childish games. Good sex keeps women around, not playing immature head games.

Woman: what about this other girl You: I don't talk about other women

Woman:are you seeing other women You: I don't talk about other women

Woman:how many women have you been with You: I don't talk about other women.

If they ask further say, "it's a principle of mine."

Woman: if you want to see other women. Fine then say good bye. You:come over at 9pm tonight

BruhMoment45886 · 2020-03-26T16:10:38+00:00

Tbh I'm surprised she even wanted to meet up after you told her goodbye. I guess this redpill shit actually does work.

At this point maybe shes done. You'll never have the same relationship with her again so its best to just leave her alone and next her.

Title	Chick dumps me
Author	AbusiveFather1
Upvotes	1
Comments	26
Date	March 26, 2020 4:02 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/fpe0yc/chick_dumps_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/chick-dumps-me.357840 https://theredarchive.com/post/357840

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