Sorry for the long post. I don’t know how to get my point across without writing an essay.

I’m 27 and he’s 26. The first 3 months I was with my boyfriend he was so “in love” and in the (honeymoon phase) that he told me I’m the definitely the one. He wasn’t in many relationships before so he was insanely affectionate and expressive about how he feels. He started talking about the future and me being his wife. When he’d say things like “you’re gonna be my wife, right” I’d always be hesitant to answer because I was afraid this was just temporary and after a while he’s gonna change his mind. It was too soon, and I’ve never heard of guy being so eager to bring up marriage. I was happy about it though, but not certain.

One time he formally asked me “when do you want us to get married?” I said in a year. He said the problem is my dad wants my older brothers to get married first. I said "that’s stupid, they’re men". In my culture sometimes it’s preferred for the older sister to get married first. But when it comes to guys it’s no big deal. I told him "your dad would understand if you really want to get married". One other time he went to a wedding and came back and told me “I told my friend I’ll get married in 2-3 years max, I’ve already met the one"

To put things into perspective, we’re from the Middle East. We have many traditions. The man has to provide the wife with an amount of money before the wedding, this can be $6000 or 60,000 or even more, it depends on what they agree on/their social class/financial abilities. The man also has to buy a house which is expansive, pay monthly bills, food expanses, travel expanses.. etc. So I think one of the reasons he feels like he’s not ready yet for marriage is because his dad will need to help his older brothers with their marriages first. He can’t afford all of this alone. He’s been employed at a very good company for the past 2 years and it pays well, but he still won’t be able to cover all the expanses.

So now we’ve been together only 4 months and to be honest this might be my last chance to get married. And I really really like him. We get along perfectly. However I feel like lately I’m being a bit "pushy” although I don’t intend to. For example today I asked him if he was ready to be a parent. I didn’t mean to be the parent of “OUR” children, I meant a parent in general. He said at the time being he’s not ready. And to be honest, I myself am not ready. But I kept talking about how life is a series of stages and sometimes we just have to trust ourselves even if we don’t know if we’re capable for the role.. etc. he said he wants to see how parenthood works for his older brothers first. But he seemed anxious about being a parent anyway. Like he’s not sure if he’s currently capable of the responsibility. I also asked him if he was excited for the future. Again, I meant his future in general. He said “what do you mean marriage or career? Marriage will happen when the time comes but I do always think about my career”. The whole conversation was a bit charged, like we weren’t at ease. He was very sweet and maybe I’m overthinking this but I feel like now he’s getting the vibe that I’m desperate and pushy. And I should be playing “hard to get” instead.

I’m actually not ready for marriage now, I want to get married in a year or two maximum. But I just wish there was a way for us to talk comfortably and freely about the future and marriage and money obstacles, if any. If it’s the case I can help with things like expanses, and I won’t ask for a large amount of money before marriage, I also don’t mind living in a rented apartment the first couple of years. I also want to discuss anxiety related to becoming a parent because I too have it, and I feel like I’m not ready (but I do want kids eventually). I don’t know if I’m rushing things, if I should take it slow. I just wish there was some certainty and transparency. I wish we can talk about these things. Am I being too pushy and desperate? Should I avoid talking about anything related to marriage all together and wait for a year?