I used to be hopelessly blue pulled when I was dating my now ex-girlfriend. I was clingy and showered her in affection, material gifts, and time. She dumped me in October, specifically because she was no longer attracted to me, she literally told me that my lack of motivation and purpose beyond the relationship was a huge turnoff.

My whole life I’ve been a pale, skinny (like almost look emaciated) fuck with anti-social tendencies. My face ain’t bad and I’m over 6 feet in height but I’ve always had trouble getting women. My gf was my first kiss (at 16). I’ve sucked at 1 on 1 conversations with strangers but I’ve always been a great public speaker, class clown type who is charismatic in front of a group but not in front of an individual person (unless it’s like the third meeting).

In the 6 weeks I’ve gone through a period of depression brought on by the emotional withdrawal. I’ve also internalized many red pill principles (though I am still a novice). I fucked a new girl as soon as possible. I just asked out a HB8 from one of my classes and have a date this week. My game is weak however and I’ve pretty much relied on tinder.

While previously my mission was my gf and orbiting her, now, I’ve embarked on new hobbies and established more lucrative social connections. I’ve instilled more discipline in my life and plan to start lifting come January.

I thought I had finally put this girl past me but today, for reasons I can’t explain, I reached out to her. We had a very intimate conversation and she said she still loves me and wants to try again this summer (we both go to different colleges). She already has a new boyfriend and told me that they’re fucking (I can’t get it out of my head and it makes me sick to my stomach).

I’ve improved significantly as a person thanks to TRP over the last few months. I’ve had success in school, in my hobbies, and with women, but I can’t shake my feelings for this girl.

Part of me thinks the only way to finish this is to seduce her, fuck her good one more time, leave her wanting more and then shut her down. That would only serve my ego but I’m fighting the urge to put this plan into motion. No matter what, I can’t stop thinking about this girl. What the fuck do I do? I’m a 20 year old college student, the red pill ain’t going down easy.