My friend is engaged. I don't want to attend the wedding because I don't believe in marriage. What should I do?

nigelh · 2018-06-03T19:48:20+00:00

He is your friend. If he invites you go.
Make sure he knows that you will be there for him when it all goes south.
That's what friends do. They don't walk out on a friend that makes a mistake.

Don't be a girl about this.

Endlesscube23 · 2018-06-03T19:47:50+00:00

[deleted]

monkdaevo · 2018-06-03T20:20:17+00:00

Go, and observe the insanity. Try to be supportive of your friend, he's gonna need you someday.

this_isnt_me69 · 2018-06-03T20:53:25+00:00

40's M here. One of my friends is getting married soon for the second time.

When he told me, initially I said congrats, good luck etc. But since we're so close, he knew that wasn't what I was really thinking and called me on it. So I told him how I saw things, and questioned the logic of marriage... He appreciated my honesty and viewpoint and had his own rationale. So yeah, we're still friends, he knows my opinion and how I'm against it, yet I'm still his friend.

The thing that really pisses me off is how much fucking money this wedding is going to cost me and I'm not even getting fucking married...trips/bach party/travel wedding, gift etc. Yeah yeah, I know nobody is forcing me to do this stuff.

Fuck marriage.

scaur · 2018-06-03T19:49:33+00:00

"My cat on fire.".

champagne-n-pompano · 2018-06-03T19:32:55+00:00

"Hello <Friend>! Unfortunately, I won't be able to attend your wedding this June. Congratulations, and all the best!

-Endless Cube

"I don't want to attend"

Are you MGTOW?

Endlesscube23 · 2018-06-03T20:02:04+00:00

Don't go. Make an excuse and give him a farewell gift. He's no longer your friend because free people and slaves can not be friends. P.S. "Post-wall single mother"? What can be worse than that simping-wise?

Endlesscube23 · 2018-06-03T20:40:14+00:00

Don’t go. Don’t waste your time, money, effort, vacation days, brain cells, etc. I’ve already not attended my cousins and friends weddings this year. I have to work, is my excuse.

gods_bones · 2018-06-04T00:20:11+00:00

Don't go. Part of the reason so many men get married even though there's no benefit to it is because "it's expected". When you sit in the pew, you are directly contributing to the pressure for him to go through with it. If he ever thought of running away and leaving her at the altar, one of the main motivators for him to remain and go through with it is because he has an audience watching him, silently pressuring him to stay. By not going you are sending him the message that you don't support marriage and therefore he can rely on you when the divorce happens and he needs a friend the most.

2018-06-03T19:52:07+00:00

Yeah. I’d go. Not going would be a slight. You’ve done what you could to divert this situation, however he will have to learn.

If you are his real friend, go. MGTOW doesn’t depend on your shoulders.

roxon89 · 2018-06-03T19:51:48+00:00

Go to the wedding. You go to support your friend. Not to approve of the wedding.

2018-06-03T21:10:04+00:00

You had several years time to prevent him from marrying that woman. You lost! Go to that wedding and see it like a farewell you give to a person on his/hers burial. He will be gone soon no matter what you do.

If you try to convince him to divorce he sees you as an idiot who wants to destroy his future. If you do nothing she will occupy his time and nearly everytime you plan something she remembers a important thing that has to be done on that day. And eventually he ghosts you.

I've been through with this and a friend.

You can only hope that it doesn't work out and he is men enough to give her up. And be there when it's time (and don't be occupied by a woman).

CautiousPotential · 2018-06-04T00:00:53+00:00

Don't attend the wedding

Endlesscube23 · 2018-06-04T02:19:55+00:00

[deleted]

Mecha_Hobbit · 2018-06-03T19:44:59+00:00

Why watch your friend be legally slaughtered?

anongogogo · 2018-06-03T20:37:18+00:00

Then don't go. Friendship is over when he is trap in a marriage life. What are the chances of you guys hanging out without the presence of his wife?

Endlesscube23 · 2018-06-03T22:33:29+00:00

Go to the wedding and have a good time. Why not? You can't stop stupid people from doing stupid shit.

TheSnoz · 2018-06-03T23:35:32+00:00

Two words that only matter at a wedding: Open bar.

Ibanezguitarrocks · 2018-06-04T01:38:41+00:00

I told a good friend who invited me, I don't do weddings anymore, nothing personal.

He said he understood and everything was fine.

I refuse to be apart of a ceremony that celebrates a man getting his dick chopped off. That's essentially what it has become today.

Don't allow others to pressure you into conforming. In the grand scheme of things it isn't a big deal.

RsCyanid · 2018-06-04T02:47:53+00:00

marrying a "post-wall single mother"

I don't understand why people would want to raise someone else's bastard children. Even in my blue pill days, I would of never considered being with someone that already had kids. Your friend sounds really stupid, and you can't fix stupid.

phreshstart · 2018-06-04T03:33:48+00:00

I will come to this wedding, but not when everyone is attending, I will come when no one else is coming.... when it ends in divorce and you'll lose everything you've worked for your entire life and "your" kids.

LexGrom · 2018-06-04T03:38:40+00:00

How would you handle this situation?

Say it's a mistake. Try to talk him out at bachelor party. Talk divorce and finances. Even if after that he won't change his mind, be supportive at the comfortable distance and prepare for the worst

User-31f64a4e · 2018-06-04T03:43:30+00:00

The Buddha taught there were five things to consider before speaking. Is what you’re about to say:

Factual and true
Helpful, or beneficial
Spoken with kindness and good-will (that is, hoping for the best for all involved)
Endearing (that is, spoken gently, in a way the other person can hear)
Timely (occasionally something true, helpful, and kind will not be endearing, or easy for someone to hear, in which case we think carefully about when to say it)

I seriously doubt the OP passes all five tests. In this case, something true, helpful, and kind will not be endearing, or easy for his friend to hear

tofu6465 · 2018-06-04T05:02:06+00:00

My brother wanted me to be the best man at his wedding and I refused I still went to the wedding though. If his wife does screw him over he probably deserves it. He is an asshole.

Endlesscube23 · 2018-06-03T19:54:44+00:00

Go. MGTOW should be a secret. People shouldn't know. If you dont go, friendship's over

Usuqamadiq · 2018-06-03T20:22:56+00:00

I'm not sure what advice to give but please tell him to look out for his future self and take pictures, video, and document everything he personally owns and snapshots of all financial information especially retirement accounts before it becomes community property. This will make the inevitable divorce easier as he has proof of pre-marriage assets.

cobaltcolander · 2018-06-03T20:47:24+00:00

Why don't you have a frank discussion with him? Go through the data, the stats, the studies, make a clear risk-reward analysis.

Do this until he changes his mind about marrying, or you are exhausted, at which point you'll know you did all you could to save him. at that point you could as well go to the wedding.

NeverNeverLandIsNow · 2018-06-03T21:58:51+00:00

Just go dude.

And unless he starts ghosting you after the marriage, be there for him when she divorces him.

MiG35ToW · 2018-06-04T01:40:06+00:00

We already know how this is going to end up. She's gonna pump out a couple more kids and he's gonna have to support a bigger family. Kids always come first..blah blah blah

ccubed1999 · 2018-06-04T02:50:43+00:00

If he truly your friend you support him. If it's someone you know your choice.

cam-seller · 2018-06-04T05:32:11+00:00

Tell him not to do it. If he didn't listen he's a pathetic simp and he's already too far gone

2018-06-04T08:12:01+00:00

Tell them that they want them to be happy and live the way the he wants, but you disagree with marriage as a whole. He is his own man and can make his own decision and make his own mistakes.

SerialMansplainer · 2018-06-03T20:24:41+00:00

If he'd be happy to have you there, and you care about his happiness, go. If not, don't go.

Everything doesn't have to be about making a point, especially with friends.

2018-06-03T20:48:09+00:00

Go to the after party. Eat, drink and forget the whole thing.

mma13579 · 2018-06-03T21:41:11+00:00

Hard to say. Normally I quite like going to weddings because I know something that pretty much everyone else doesn't, the groom has made a massive mistake that he will regret and will be very unhappy. Makes me feel better that I'm not in his situation.

However, if it's a close friend then that's different, might not want to see it. Depends how close they are. If you are super close then be completely honest and even harsh that he's making a mistake but maybe still go to support him if he won't change his mind. If not that close then maybe go along ironically and for the laugh or just make up an excuse that you're really busy or whatever, it's not a big deal really, you're not the one getting married.

Electronic_instance · 2018-06-03T21:42:46+00:00

I'm an atheist.

What kind of a dick would I be if I didn't go to my friend's kid's baptism? Or his mother's funeral?

Is a wedding any different? Nobody goes to their friends weddings to support the institution of marriage, they go because they're friends and to have fun.

Endlesscube23 · 2018-06-04T02:28:59+00:00

Well. He is your friend. So you have to supprt him. You may have to be there when the divorce happens.. it's one day or part of a day. If he got cancer would you be there for him. Car accident long recovery. It is unpleasant but you do it for friendship.

Endlesscube23 · 2018-06-04T02:52:20+00:00

Law 38: "Think as you like, but behave like others."

User-31f64a4e · 2018-06-04T03:34:30+00:00

My friend is engaged. I don't want to attend the wedding because I don't believe in marriage. What should I do?

Attend the wedding.

His wedding isn't about you, your beliefs or how you think people should live their lives.

He thinks enough of you to invite you to the ceremony and reception. Act like his friendship is justified, and follow normal social conventions.

Quit being so self centered. This is no better than the SJWs trying to tell everyone how to live their lives. Do you not understand the OWN part of Going Your OWN Way? You have no duty, no reason, and no justification, to try to drag others along.

2018-06-04T03:42:09+00:00

Myself. I would go but not buy a gift or give cash as a protest.

laptopdragon · 2018-06-04T05:09:16+00:00

being friends means you may have to break the bad news to him, but also support his bad decisions.

maybe wear all black, and only give him a gift that only he can use.

maybe record the vows, and he might be able to use it if they get divorced.

whose to say for certain, but it might be time to get a comfy couch and small dresser for that random midnight guest who just got kicked out of his new house.

2018-06-04T07:50:53+00:00

I would go for the drinks and the single bridesmaids to pump and dump. But the wedding per se? Fuck that, these fools don't have my support, lmao.

Sneakybobo · 2018-06-04T11:51:11+00:00

My condoleances

2018-06-04T16:34:21+00:00

Dude don't punish yourself just because someone you know is doing something stupid. I'm an athiest yet sometimes I go to church with my best friend's family. It''s not about the activity, it's about being their for your friend because your friend matters to you. It's not like you are the one getting married. If he is a true friend be there for when he fucks up and be there when he could use some one to help pick up the pieces. He is an adult, don't dwell too much on his fuck up. It's not like you are going to change his mind by not attending. Go, have fun, enjoy some free food, be supportive with your presence but maybe rag on him a little bit about what a mistake he made. Depends on your relationship.

Orangecup05 · 2018-06-04T01:08:27+00:00

Don't get married if you don't believe in marriage. Not going to the wedding is just being passive aggressive and trying to control your friend... And it's actually being an asshole and not a good friend. Tell him once and then never tell him again. He gets to go his own way, like you and anyone else.

Title	My friend is engaged. I don't want to attend the wedding because I don't believe in marriage. What should I do?
Author	Endlesscube23
Upvotes	85
Comments	128
Date	June 3, 2018 7:28 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/8oazls/my_friend_is_engaged_i_dont_want_to_attend_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW/my-friend-is-engaged-i-dont-want-to-attend-the.548216 https://theredarchive.com/post/548216

Comments