Summary: Even the bluest kind of guys occasionally get the attention of girls. Just not the pretty ones.

Body: I am part of a big social group (say around 50 people) whose members share common musical hobby. There are people of all kinds there and since I took the pill, I like to observe the people. Such a groups usually have static core and then marginal members that come and go so there have been plenty of relationships between people there, be it LTRs or FWB.

Enter Joe. Joe is a geeky looking guy in his early 20's. Not particulary bad looking, but not spectacular either. His main flaw is complete absence of game. I am sure this guy is oblivious to the fact that there even is game in the first place. It is pretty clear he is a virgin and I have never seen him interact with a girl in a romantic/sexual way. Nontheless, despite his shyness, he is pretty friendly, highly inteligent and has some good insights to casual stuff so people generally like him. I consider him something between a friend and an acquaintance. It's worth saying that this guy is pretty good musician in general, and above the average in the kind of music we do in this group.

Enter Annie, my ex's best friend. I have a very friendly relationship with my ex (incl. occasional sex), so she tells me a lot about this. Annie is a VERY large girl. Also early 20's, she probably weights around 120kg (~264lbs). She is a very friendly person too, smiles all around, I am on good terms with her but I find it hard to take her seriously or not ignore her at all because of the total lack of any sexual attraction whatsoever. As you have probably figured out, she is madly in love with Joe, for a year now I'd guess. And boy, is it fun to watch. She does EXACTLY what BP guys do when they are in love. She takes every opportunity to be in his presence to the point that it practically defines what social events she will attend. Yet she doesn't escallate, she doesn't send sexual IOIs, not even the most subtle ones, no kino at all. All she does is build comfort. A wonderful friendship full of trust and deep thoughts sharing, I am sure.

Frequently she tells my ex how close they are and how they are soulmates and surely, he will realize this and be with her. Sometimes she hamsters this away that he simply doesn't know his way around girls and that's the reason he doesn't make any moves. This is common misconception about Joe in the group in general - little do they know it is far from the truth:

Few months ago Joe and I talked in a pub and I noticed him fb-texting with a girl I didn't know (let's call her Kate) so I poked around and gave him a few pointers about not responding so quickly, not to overtext and generaly to lead the contact in person instead of behind displays. I started to rant a little and realized this so I just stopped mid-sentense and said something like "I could go for hours with this and bore you to death, sorry for that..." and his immediate response was "Please do, I have time.".

I am sure you can see the parallel now. Joe to Kate is the same as Annie to Joe. One fancies the other, but does little to nothing to make it happen. The fancied party either doesn't realize this or acts like it in order not to hurt (Joe) or DOES realize this but likes to keep the orbiter (probably Kate, I don't know her but AWALT).

Funny thing is, my ex knows about this, I told her. Yet she keeps this from Annie. Why? To not hurt her feelings of course. We had a short discussion about this where I presented that either she needs to hit the gym, lose half her weight to make herself pretty enough for Joe to like her, or drop the false hopes. But according to my ex, being hurt by the knowledge of the inevitability of her situation is even worse than having false hopes that lead nowhere and only make her waste time on Joe with zero results. Go figure.

Takeaway points:

  • There is a feeding order, even BP men can be madly fancied by bottom-range SMV women
  • Don't build friendship when you want romance
  • Lift (duh...)