Just a bit of a rant on the path I feel like is for me.

Backstory: Grew up in a traditional Asian-American household, first generation. Parents were strict and distant, and the focus was grades and getting into a good college. Being the middle child between two girls, a lot of attention was given on my youngest sister, leaving me and my older sister.

Father married three times, and he pays support to my mother, who I meet on the weekends.

Wasn't the greatest student in high school and mostly winged it, so I wasn't going into a top university. Took a totally different path of joining the military because I wanted to do something else, not get destroyed by student debt, and get a skill from the military.

There are a lot of married people, so there isn't the typically dependa drama of cheating and such, but I can't see myself from getting married.

A bit of self-criticism, is that I feel my social skills weren't developed properly as I was a loner in high school and not popular.

I don't think I am going to get married boils down to these four reasons.

  1. I don't want to get divorced and pay out money. I see what happened to my father, he is wealthy and successful. I don't want someone to take what I have earned. A military pension(I do want to do a career in the military, eventually commissioning to be an officer is in the works) is a big deal to me, and I don't want to have to share that.

2.I think I'd be a terrible husband, but a great father. My father wasn't there for me, at work all the time, he'd have no energy coming back home for us. I thank him for providing the lifestyle, but what is that when you are gone all the time? What is money if you can't enjoy it? If I was to raise a child, it would be in my image. Call me narcissist or whatever, but I will raise my child with old school values because I know best. I'm probably going to use a surrogate and have a child that way. I plan on retiring in my early 40s and having the child then, so I can dedicate all my time and energy to raising a wonderful child.

  1. I don't think the military lifestyle is great for having a stable family life. Gone for months at a time, my child needs a father figure in his life. I don't trust my wife(If I have one of course) to raise my child without me being there. Who is she going to bring in my house?

  2. Freedom. Retire in my early 40s, unburdened by the world. I can go fishing at the lake, or hop on a plane to do hookers and blow in Amsterdam if I wanted to. No marriage to break if I am not married in the first place. I cannot see the future, who I love today might be someone I despise in the future. I might find better, she might find better, who knows? I will not live in a loveless marriage just for the sake of my child.

Sorry if this is all over the place, but I just wanted to get this off my chest. Thank you for reading this jumbled mess.