New to TRP. Wife treats me like garbage, what do?

RedSovereign · 2016-04-18T18:50:01+00:00

Post questions to /r/asktrp.

[deleted] · 2016-04-18T17:09:58+00:00

This is a great resource for you: https://thefamilyalpha.com/.

Two things to do immediately:

LIFT! or at least start doing some cardio, calisthenics, whatever.

Avoid showing emotion whenever the wife is being a bitch (so,at all times).

Bonus: stop trying to get her to have sex, instead employ dread game.

blacwidonsfw · 2016-04-18T17:41:03+00:00

The elephant in the room is you are not willing to get divorced. She can sense that and has taken complete advantage of that fact.

But your probably right. God wants you to have a shit life with a bitchy fat wife. Have fun.

meet_me_at_high_noon · 2016-04-18T18:10:07+00:00

Hey man, I don't post often--mostly I digest. But I just went through something eerily similar and I want to help you out.

Been married a little over 2 years, things were great 1st 6 months of marriage, then wife became gradually more and more bitchy, whiney, controlling, disrespectful and rude.

I was with my girlfriend for six years. First year and a half was good, then she did the same thing. I would also throw depression in there. So I understand that.

She denies me my marriage right (sex) on a consistent basis, not always, but we're only having sex about once a week now, which is super frustrating to me, and when we do, she doesn't reciprocate at all. Shows me no affection, never tells me she loves me, never does anything nice for me anymore. Never dresses up or tries to look good for me.

Same here, I totally get it. I'm sure she tries to gaslight and twist it around on you right? say how it's your fault? That's what my wife did.

We have 2 kids already, both under the age of two, which is somewhat stressful for her, but it's not all that bad, she just complains too much about it.

It's really fascinating how TRP is so accurate. I think women do this because when you complain, you position yourself as a victim. Women, physically weaker, probably have an evolutionary need to complain because it's a precursor to being a victim. Men want to help women who appear weak, so its important to women to appear weak. In a way, it's a lot like a shit test. In regards to complaining about kids, its really incredible because my ex did this with our son. She constantly yelled, couldn't understand why he acted the way he did, and couldn't deal with his energy and being a boy. But in two minutes I'd identify what he was struggling with, didn't have to raise my voice, and he'd do what I needed him to do.

Ex. "He won't brush his teeth."

"Did he say why?" "no" "why do you not want to brush your teeth?"

My son: "I just want to sit on mommy's lap" "I don't want him to sit on my lap."

He sits on my lap and brushes his teeth. Problem solved. Just one example. So I totally get that too. It's all frustrating.

She has gained probably 75lbs since the birth of our first baby, and it is a huge turn off to me,

MMM. I can totally relate. Mine too man. I don't lift--I'm a runner. I've actually lost weight since my son was born, about 50 pounds, and have become one of the fastest runners in my state, while still spending time with my son and being the bread winner. It's all excuses man. You have to see that.

Look, as far as being Catholic, I believe in God too. I think perhaps you need to consider your own moral code based on what YOU believe. The thing about TRP, one of the key pieces, is that men be men and construct their world around them based on what they want, need and believe in. Religion can be a part of that, but when you let it dictate to you what to believe, it controls you.

Me? I am a universalist. I think everyone ends up in the same place eventually. So while I think you should do what you believe, I also think think you should wonder if you really believe in it, or if you are just worried about what happens if you break some old rule.

If you do truly not want to divorce, then I suggest you really study the reading on TRP, and recognize your power. You're the breadwinner, and she chose to be with you for a reason. You need to reassert that alpha. Stop caring about what she wants and needs, and do your own thing. She'll see your progress and be drawn to that. If it hasn't worked yet, re-evaluate where you made a wrong turn, and then keep trying.

Me? I just left. Plenty of people to meet. As another Red Piller just pointed out on another post, death comes for us all. This is (probably) all you get. You need to do what is true for you instead of living by someone elses beliefs, and recognize the theories on here as being valid. It's hard at first, but once you get past the anger and accept it for what it is, life becomes a lot better.

PurpleVeteran · 2016-04-18T20:59:27+00:00

Cross-posting from elsewhere.

I have told her recently, like 3 days ago, that she is bound by her Catholic faith to respect me and obey me and to not withhold sex

You can't just demand respect from someone, you have to earn it. You have to demonstrate that you bring value to her life, that you are not a schlub that's living life on cruise-control. You need to take ownership of your own faults. Getting in shape, dressing better, and having a more commanding presence are all steps in the right direction. Be the type of man that other men respect, and other women find interesting, and get back whatever it was that drew your wife to you in the first place.

Otherwise, you're just a pouty teenager throwing a temper tantrum.

Yeah I know, I am seriously considering it. I have emphasized to her recently, within the last couple of months that her refusal to fulfill her marriage vows is a mortal sin and grants me the right to "put her away" for a period of time, meaning, I leave until she gets her act together.

This is a reasonable strategy. You have certain needs and expectations in your relationship, and so does she (men want sex, women want attention). If she's not adding value to your life, then you don't have as much time for her. But the key part is that you're NOT doing it to punish her, but because you have better things to focus on -- improving yourself, taking care of your household, spending time with your kids.

Define the vision for your life, and be the type of man it takes to achieve that. Set expectations and start performing, but know that she will resist these changes until she sees this isn't a test or a temporary phase.

How is it negotiating if a priest or a marriage counselor told her to stop disrespecting me? That is not a discussion in the merit of my attractiveness but a correction in her behavior, two totally different things.

You're stuck in the mentality of punishing her until she behaves like you want. Citing vows and church teachings are an appeal to logic and guilt, and that's not what this is to her. Even if you did get the sex you ask for, would it be enjoyable for either of you?

Also, if you're appealing to other authority figures for help with your marriage, she's never going to see you as a strong leader. You need to establish frame. Take some time and read the MRP sidebar items NMMNG and WISNIFG, but I'd start with Dale Carnegie. Focus on what it takes to be a leader (hint, it's about having a vision and carrying through), and establish boundaries. Don't let her emotional state (or yours) distract you from your goals. Talk less, and just do.

Now that I think about it, I didn't follow through with punishment, nor have I ever.

You have to stop thinking about what you want her to be or do, get out of her frame, and into yours. The only thing you have control over is yourself.

Don't tell her what to do or not to do. Tell her what you expect, and what you will do if she doesn't.
Don't threaten her with consequences you aren't willing to carry through on.

But if you're just starting out, you can't fight every battle at once. You have to establish your boundaries first, and then back them up gradually. If she won't make dinner, then fix something for just you and the kids. If she won't have sex with you, go back downstairs and work on your hobby. You are a man who can take care of his own shit, and she can either buy in or not.

I should probably take away her debit card or take her off the checking account.

Don't punish a bad action with a different consequence. The way to treat disrespect is not to argue, but to withdraw (arguments don't often continue if one person refuses to engage). Set the boundary that you won't be talked to that way -- then leave the room and put away the dishes. If she follows, go into another room and fold the laundry. If she follows again, go out and walk the dog.

NameOfAction · 2016-04-18T17:19:52+00:00

Fuck the pope. Get a divorce!

pusangani · 2016-04-18T17:01:34+00:00

Sounds like she's bitter for settling down and getting fat, is she young?

MrJaggedArray · 2016-04-18T18:01:18+00:00

OK, you're a Catholic. Marriage is a sacrament, and it's indissoluble. That's a given, and your wife probably knows it, and therefore takes you for granted.

But Catholicism also has very clear ideas about the family. The husband is the head of the family, and is entitled to complete obedience from his wife and children. If you are both Catholics, you as the man are entitled to this, and should demand it.

Moreover, even if marriage is indissoluble, if your wife becomes bitchy and unpleasant on a permanent basis, and consistently withholds sex, nothing obliges you to live with her. You can live by yourself in a separate location and do your own thing.

So even within a Catholic framework, you can demand obedience and threaten to leave. Dread. It's possible.

Sir_Distic · 2016-04-18T18:51:48+00:00

Reading your responses is funny. Typical male hamstering.

Lift weights. Improve yourself financially. Keep your money separate.

Basically, become the man she'd lust after if she was single.

letriggeredface · 2016-04-18T18:58:29+00:00

First off, you have nothing that she is attractee to. You're simply a wallet and attention dispenser that she works by inputting sex at least once a week. You can't negotiate attraction. A priest telling her to stop being a cunt wont mean shit, its about as effective as the most beta faggot telling his chick friend not to fuck chad, its laughable and sad.

She has gained probably 75lbs since the birth of our first baby, and it is a huge turn off to me, especially coupled with her bitchy attitude all the time.

She doesnt care about you and will only get worse from here in. Enjoy the fact that she'll never look great again due to the massive weight gain.

I'm sure most here would tell me to divorce her, can't do that, I'm Catholic and I believe in the indissolubility of marriage.

So you reject the actual solution but want us to come up with a brand new solution that also works and is tailored specifically to you? Yeah, you can fuck right off and enjoy your shitty marriage. Pray to god so that he will kill your wife, thats the only alternative ive got for you.

I have contacted some marriage counselors to figure this out, but I have a feeling it's just going to turn into the husband bash fest.

Yeah, negotiating attraction like businessmen is soooo attractive. You bringing in a stranger that will side with her? Really making you out to be the man in this relationship, you absolutely do not look like a desperate loser who cant fuck an overweight wife.

I'm at a point where I've got to figure out a way to get her ass in gear and stop this attitude of hers because it is ruining our marriage.

But WHY would she do this? Why would she work hard if you refuse to leave her and therefore stop providing for her? The law is on her side, family court is on her side, sex is her card to play, you give her anything she wants AND YOU WONT STOP FUNDING THIS. You are the sole cause of your own misery AND the reason you will continue to suffer.

You believe she just will cause its the right thing to do, you dont understand human nature, get your head out your bible and instead of reading scripture go LOOK AT THE FUCKING WORLD YOURSELF.

Title	New to TRP. Wife treats me like garbage, what do?
Author	FlosCarmeli
Upvotes	4
Comments	49
Date	April 18, 2016 4:48 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/4fcs1r/new_to_trp_wife_treats_me_like_garbage_what_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/new-to-trp-wife-treats-me-like-garbage-what-do.57850 https://theredarchive.com/post/57850

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