Summary: I intended to write a text about daygame approaches but it turned out to be more about experience and confidence. This continues the theme of "more action".

 

It's easy to teach anyone how to stop girls during the day and that's usually the first big step for newbies. It may seem very technical but if you get eye contact with the girl as soon as you can, stop her using your body language by blocking her way and also you have good vibe and a smirk on your face - 9 out of 10 girls should stop and listen to what you have to say. And that's where the horror begins - you have to say something to the hot girl standing in front of you with her head slightly tilted and eyes wide open, waiting for you to sweep her of her feet. What do you do?

Unless you execute the approach with utmost confidence you won't even have a chance to do any of your assumptions. If you don't know what you want to say - the girl will just think you're weird or shy. Both are a death sentence to that set. That doesn't sound very encouraging - how can a guy new to daygame can be confident delivering his opening lines?

It's easy. Prepare a script that works and use it every time. Having something to fall back to is essential in being confident. You can practice your lines in front of the mirror, on your friend and during every single approach. In no time you'll become confident at least in delivering those first few sentences. Once you've done that and the girl starts to really listen either take back the compliment by joking about it or start stacking assumptions. You can have two or three generic assumptions memorized as a part of your script. Why? When you're a beginner you sometimes run out of things to say. It will kill the interaction if it happens during first minute. So think about 2-3 things you can say about every single girl and use them for your first 100-200 sets. You will quickly come up with different assumptions and start to replace the generic ones with those tailored to the particular girl.

 

Warning: don’t use the lines you’ve read anywhere on the Internet. Make up something similar that will be “yours”. You will feel much better with your own words.

 

Most guys that hang out with me are smart enough to notice that only difference between my approaches and theirs is confidence. But they think it's an ascribed personality trait that can't be trained like any other skill. They say "I never could be so calm when the girl says she's not interested or has a boyfriend." and they're wrong. When you see someone proficient it just looks effortless. You don't see hours and hours of practice and failures that are required to learn anything.

Confidence can be a skill or a personality trait and both can be developed. As a quality it's that "general confidence" but when I'm talking about confidence as a skill I mean being confident in a particular situation or environment. I've never had any issues at my work. I was regarded as a professional as I knew I could handle anything that comes my way. When I started doing daygame it was totally different. I had to build that confidence by throwing myself into all sorts of situations. Now you can say that it's easy when you're successful but I think it's quite irrelevant.

You start to be confident when you know the possible outcomes from a particular situation. If you don't know what could happen it's easy to stress out or even panic. If you do - you can prepare yourself. That's just the starting point. True confidence is knowing you can handle all those outcomes and consequences. And you cannot possibly know that unless you've already experienced them. It's easy to say "I couldn't do a bungee jump" but after you learn it's actually safe you might decide to try it. You will be scared nonetheless, at least the first time, but after you do it and experience it you will know for sure that you can handle it. You start to desensitize yourself and after a while - you will no longer be scared.

 

Experience, desensitization - those are the building stones for confidence. Unless you've got some weird brain damage you cannot possibly feel confident doing something for the first time.

 

Of course you can do a thing thousand times and fail miserably every single one. If you don't learn from your mistakes you won't grow. But still after that many failures you know what will happen and that you can handle those consequences. You can't be scared after failing that many times. Can you imagine anyone being afraid doing his 1000th bungee jump? Excited - yes. Uncomfortable - maybe. But not scared. And you really think that someone can be afraid of running out of things to say or messing up the approach doing his 1000th daygame set?

The key message is that the line you've already said a hundred times will be delivered with confidence. The girl won't know that on that particular day alone you've used it five times. It will be first for you and her. And that's where she'll mistake experience for confidence. And that's what this post is all about.

 

Lessons learned:

  • No one is confident doing something for the first time.
  • It doesn't matter whether you succeed or fail. You need to experience as many outcomes as possible and desensitize yourself...
  • ...but of course successes will help you going.
  • Apply all that to your opener - prepare a short script and use it every time until your brain will came up with things to say on its own.

 

This was written as a post for my blog about daygame but I edit and/or rewrite reddit submissions so they are more general. If you're interested you can read the original here.