Hey girls.

I’m (20f) feeling pretty down right now because I was “maybe in the future”-d by a guy I like (20m) a couple of weeks ago and now he just told me he has feelings for our mutual best friend (19f) (a girl who I’ve been confiding in about my crush on him). I feel a tiny bit betrayed even though I know it wasn’t her secret to tell me, but she’s been giving me advice to move on from him (I didn’t know whether or not I should move on because it was a ‘maybe’ and not a rejection, and he made that clear) and now I don’t know whether it was because she liked him (yeah she liked him too but he rejected her earlier, and now he’s caught feelings) or out of genuine concern. He said he won’t pursue it or anything though because he’s too busy for a relationship and doesn’t have everything together.

Earlier this year, in another friendship group, I liked a best friend (20m) but he had feelings for my other best friend (20f). So I’m really not new to this situation. He never admitted he liked her but it was quite obvious and she caught on too. Nothing ever came of it though.

Now I don’t know if this is a pattern but I feel horrible about myself (even though my most recent crush told me it was nothing to do with me that made him say ‘maybe’). I feel like my best friends are always going to be chosen over me. I guess me and my crush aren’t as close as him and his crush/my best friend and maybe if we had that connection it would be different but he really is always so busy that I can barely have a deep conversation with him. He only met her a week before me (a few months ago) and so it’s clear he’s making time for her (since they’ve developed a connection and have talked a lot) rather than me.

My other friends (our mutual friends) are all telling me to raise my standards. But this guy is amazing and I feel like if I raised the bar any higher then there would be no one left. Maybe I should just lower my standards to someone who will accept me. Maybe I’m aiming too high. Maybe I’m pushing out of my league, because it really feels that way.

My best friend, who my crush likes, is pretty, sweet, she has a nice voice, she dresses well, and she’s kind. Ive been leaning more into my femininity recently as a conscious choice because I don’t like the whole masculine thing on girls, but she seems to exude it naturally. I accessorise and I dress well, but I have a slightly deeper voice than her (maybe from my PCOS since I have a little more testosterone than non-PCOS girls) and I’m not that well-versed in makeup (I do basic eyeliner and bb cream and lipstick but that’s it) while she’s amazing at makeup and does eye shadow and eyeliner and everything. She has beautiful long hair and just exudes femininity.

I don’t know what to do. Is this just going to keep happening? I really love this guy and now he likes my best friend and this just always happens. I’m upset. Really upset. And sometimes I don’t care because if he doesn’t want me, why should I want him? I switch between those two all the time.

Please help. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.