I'm a 19 year old male MGTOW. Why, for me this is just phase, because my situation is very tricky, I come from a very conservative Arab Muslim family here in london, I left Islam when I was 17 after reading deeply into the religion, before I left I was extremely religious just like my family. I still live with my family and I have to fake pray 5 times a day, fast ramadahn, go to friday prayers etc, obviously since my family is extremely religious, for me to get a girlfriend and keep it on the lowkey without getting disowned is extremely difficult. Once my parents had a go at me for talking to a girl on the way from school... But either way, so my main objective right now is to get solid A's, secure a solid UNI, become financially independent, and really focus on myself, hit the gym, maximize physical and mental health, reading self-development books etc and really educating the shit out of myself, then I want to leave my house and go live on my own, and leave on a good note, I don't plan on telling my parents about my apostasy, ever in my life, then from there I want to get a good career, not some shitty 9-5, and hopefully find a girl that is NAWLT, someone who I think understands, loyalty, honesty and commitment. Basically 8-10 years of monkmode. I don't have any friends, mainly because I value real friendship and most people around me are fuckboys, who don't know what a real friendship/bromance looks like, so most people around me I'd call them acquaintances. Unfortunately we live in a hypersexualised society where being in a relationship and having sex is basically the epitome of life, literally. after leaving religion I went through a phase of suicidal thoughts, and severe depression, where I could no longer cry, but I'm over that now, and now I value my life more than ever, but for me life Isn't about sex and overloading my brain with dopamine like an animal in the jungle, for me its about the pursuit of knowledge, learning about the universe, pioneering the world, making discoveries, and really get in touch with the fine tuning of the universe, and enjoying and appreciating this gift of life, that I waited 12 billion years for, without all the bullshit, without any strings attached, or the government constantly pestering me with taxes, without feeling like a meaningless statistic, I want to explore the earth, and explore its natural beauties. Don't get me wrong I'm straight and I love women, but women in my opinion have their own time, I don't need to get into a relationship or have sex, but right now I'm in my prime where what I do now will set the tone for the rest of my life. But what is really fucking me up, is seeing how girls my age around me, the nice pretty innocent girls that I grew up with, the girls that are getting into prestigious universities, golden triangle uni's, getting straight A's in their A-levels, the ones that I thought were girlfriend material, have become sexually liberated, cock-carouselling bitches, I don't have social media, but sometimes I see what people that I know are up to via twitter since you don't need an account, and the girls are casually and regularly posting porn tweets, of 10/10 Chad-looking men plowing the shit of some slag, The red pill is fucking real., a lot of them are casually subscribed to porn pages, that have over a million followers, like what the fuck, these people have no chill, and I'm fucking shocked, I personally am a nofapper, I wholeheartedly believe in the art of semen retention hence I try my best to my moderate porn usage, to maximize time I have to focus on bettering myself, but holy fucking shit I'm not here to judge, but seriously my generation is fucked, there is no fucking way I will ever commit to a girl in my life, there are no good women anymore, I no longer want to delude myself with bullshit fantasy expectations of being in a loving and romantic relationship. Fuck dating, I'm opting out, finding NAWALT is not going to happen. Just to also mention, I'm not ugly, I'd consider myself a 7, and no, I don't have a micropenis. Finding mgtow was one of the best things for me. Ask me any questions, I hope I didn't sound boring. Thanks for reading. P.S worst fucking thing is, hijabi girls posting islamic quotes, with a side of porn.