This is a long one. I’ve been in a long distance marriage for almost 4 years due to finishing my B.A in the U.S (he’s in the navy). My husband has dealt with depression and anger issues these past two years and I’ve told him to get help. He’s finally going to make a therapy appointment but I haven’t spoken to him in a week... he shuts me out sometimes.

I’m having a hard time because every time I go visit him (I go for a month) everything is perfect and we have so much fun. But .... when we are separated he can be the biggest jerk honestly. He’s called me drunk telling me things like “shut the fck up” and “fck you”. I’ve never spoken to him that way. I told him multiple times not to cuss and after putting up with it I decided to tell him if he continued to do that I would leave, while saying this I was bawling my eyes out. He apologized and told me I didn’t deserve that etc... but went back to doing just that. He called several times drunk speaking nonsense and the next day saying he didn’t remember calling. He had a hard time during deployment & I even feel bad that I threatened to leave... I don’t know why. He’s thrown divorce in my face while drunk many times...

I almost feel like I’m dealing with emotional abuse. In our seven years I’ve never threatened to leave, but I just feel guilty?! I’ve always treated him so good and I’ve always been there for him. But for him to take his anger out on me is wrong, I felt like I had to stand up for myself. Another issue I have is that I seem to excuse his behavior because he feels depressed where he is. I’ve turned down so many plans to go to parties, birthdays at clubs, or bars. During Halloween I told my husband I was going to a costume party and he got completely pissed off. We are adults and it’s a shame I feel guilty for living my life. Before he left to the military we’d honestly do everything together so I’m afraid he’s going to be controlling when he comes back. I shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting to go out.. right ?! :/