Hello everyone! This is the first time i've ever posted on the RPW and i think its about time i do, so i can step up personal growth. Im a 20 year old (F) currently trying to change my paradigm with RPW, but why? lets just say i come from a very heavy influenced "run with your emotion" family of just females and women are not allowed to be submissive. Everything is great, I am about a year into my changes and bettering myself but the reason i am reaching out is because im currently in a relationship with a 29 year old (M) and his also apart of TRP. His been with my through this challenges and my personal growth but at the end of the day according to him, his seen no change and the more we seem to be clash. so lately after things being really ruff, i reach out to him in a letter. My goal with writing this letter to my captian was to let know where i am putting my part in the relationship and where i need a little more from him but the way he took the letter was that i was trying to blame everything on him. Maybe, he is right. Maybe there was another way to approch him or maybe another way i could have worded myself. Or maybe i did come off to strong and i owe him an apology. but this is the letter. and thank you guys! im sorry for any spelling errors or grammar!.

"My dear,

I always write you letters but I just throw them out, but this is one I’m giving to you. I’m going to try to explain myself to where you can understand. It's up to you whether you want to continue reading this or you could set this down and just not worry about it.

At the end of this month its going to be a year since I've moved in with you. I'm so thankful and grateful since a year ago that you let me move in. Who knew moving out of my parents house would have flipped my who life. Who knew I would find out who I am, what I want, and what I need in order to be happy and to flourish as an individual. But this isn't about me, it's about us. About a year ago we were just friends and a year later we started dating but honestly it seems like we are in the same position. When I mean same position I am referring to our intimacy, friendship, and relationship.

Of course nothing can be perfect, I’m not perfect and you’re not perfect. Of course I've done stuff to lead us to where we are at this very moment with all three. I always try my best to do what you ask of me because I know I can't change you, who you are, and what you want, so I understand that. I don't want to live a sisyphean life of ongoing disappointments and frustrations, so I rather change my expectations and perspective on things . So what do I do? I respect what you want and your boundaries. I try to stop taking personal offense when you push me away even though it flushes me with emotions. I try to do things on my own when I've previously expected you to be there. I try to be thankful for what you do and I don't overlook what you don't do. I really try my best not to be passive and other things that rub you the wrong way. So far I've learned I have to do the opposite of what I used to do like say sorry when I didn't have to say sorry or keep shut when I usually say something negative. But things are just getting worse. Your comments, thoughts, emotions, and reactions are still the same. I don't see any positive results. Your boundaries are not boundaries, your boundaries are just an avoidant attachment style. Something you do by nature, you tend to avoid everyone. You have it from your childhood and from you growing up so rough. You just emphasize boundaries your relationship and ours for no reason. You’re so distrustful, you fear that your partner wants to take advantage of you. You had these rigid views of relationships and uncompromising rules, which I totally understand why you have such a big wall, but here is where I'm setting my boundary. You are taking me away from what I know how to do best and what I want to be which is to be nurturing, loving, kind, and devoted.

But you would think after going through a hardship, you would think after a whole year of so many hardships, things would be different from a year ago. You would think that our friendship, intimacy, and relationship would’ve been 10x stronger because we have been through so much. We overcame so many financial problems. We discovered that there is a god and that he indeed is powerful.mTell me if I really am such a burden how you always tell me. Tell me if this is too much for you since you’re constantly tired of your peace being broken. Just tell me and I'll be on my own way for good.

To recap, this isn’t a letter just to complain. It has happened so much over these past two years and I have finally realized that I cannot keep living my life like this. After you read this letter, please share your thoughts with me. I would really like to know what is going on through your mind. "