I've been addicted to lurking this sub for a while cause I've been needing this type of energy for SO LONG! I've been around whiney sad losers and manipulative cockheads all my life, I can't even BEGIN to tell you how much I needed this shit. This happened a long time ago but I wanna get this off my chest and I think it demonstrates pretty well how harmful pickmeisha behavior can be. I met this guy through mutuals and sparks just instantly fucking flew. I thought he was everything I had ever needed and I really did think he liked me back! Boy was I wrong! After hanging out for a few months and me genuinely thinking of him as my world, he asked me for nudes and I declined because I had never done that before and was really insecure at the time. He INSTANTLY dropped me. I was a kid (15) and thought he (19) was my first and only love so I... begged him to take me back. As a FRIEND! This is when I descended into the toxic spiral of letting this man run my life. He would talk to me again but only on the conditions of satisfying his cock 24/7. It started with shit like "babe I love you send me nudes" until after months of that he eventually coerced me into coming over and him taking my virginity. And I was 100% okay with this because I thought I loved this man 🤡. It started with him "testing the waters" with what he could get away with, and eventually after a few months devolved into me letting him do whatever sick shit he wanted to. After being what I called FWB with this man for a while he started openning up to me about shit like... how he has a girlfriend. And I was completely fucking okay with that. Somewhere in between him being cold and completely ignoring me and outright saying he didnt give a shit about me and him abusing me in bed I had deluded myself into thinking that he still loved me more than his girlfriend 🤡. We worked at the same joint and he would often tell me he needed cash for drugs or booze and he'd pay me back when he gets paid, he never once paid me back. I vividly remember telling myself shit like "of course this is all worth it, i love him", and "this is the only thing that makes me happy, what do i have to lose?" and thinking how cool I was for being in a relationship with an older guy. I never resented him for anything he did to me because after all that happened we we're friends and honestly I just don't give a shit about him now. I would feel bad about his girlfriend but she knows about me (they were still together 🤡) and last I heard they've been on and off in their own little toxic relationship. Looking back, he was an incredibly twisted and predatory man and honestly I should've called the cops on his ass. Since then tho I've levelled the fuck up thanks to having INCREDIBLE friends and my own willpower and now I'm happy with a real man who values me and treats me like a queen. And I fucking deserve it. Hope y'all enjoyed reading through my trauma!